Conversations, Hesitations In My Mind: Running Confessions

 

Yep, I just went all old school on you. But what a better introduction to some confessions. You will all be reading this as I do a brutal tempo treadmill run, yes you heard treadmill. When I have some real booty kicking, the treadmill is where I go to hit those faster times. Sweat fest.

Before I go on, you may have noticed on twitter I signed up for the Army 10 miler. That means I have Falmouth Road Race in August, Navy Half Marathon in September and Army 10 miler in October. You know what that means, I am on a mission to do a race a month next year. This is so different than what I have ever done, much more planned and way less spread out. But I kind of want to try it, maybe some months will even have two races depending on the time of year. Totally ready for this challenge. Now I just need to drag some buddies COUGH MEGAN  COUGH OLIVE along.

I think as a runner, really as any sort of athlete or exerciser, you have those things you do. Sure, they seem perfectly normal to me but I bet to others – plain weird. I mean you all already know the TMI details of me so why not some more? The Runner 2.0, behind the scenes.

• Bushes are my friend. You all knew this one already. I have zero shame. Nothing ruins a morning run more than trying to hold your bladder. Nothing. So if I need to go, bush happens. Almost had a run in with a media camera the other day making me realize I may need to be a bit more aware of what is around me. I thought I had dealt with it all after the raccoon but right before I was about to dart into a bush I see a traffic camera on the other side of the road just filming the cars going by. I chose to keep running, no one wants to a someone disappear behind a bush and come out a minute later. 

• I sing while I run. Or at least mouth the words. Get a good jam on and I totally forget that I am running in public and cars are whizzing by.

• I am a shoulder chucker. Let me explain. I don’t consider myself an angry person, I really don’t. I don’t like confrontation all that much but I swear things switch when running comes into play. Nothing peeves me more than having someone see me coming right at them yet refuse to even move to the side. They stay right in the middle either by themselves or with another or a dog, no movement. I do what all classy kids do, I run through them. A little shoulder bump and I continue off. Share the road people.

• I re-wear clothes far too often. I’m a grimy person. And a cheap person. That is a bad combo. The way I go through running clothes is insane and the amount of times I actually do laundry each month is around 1 or 2. See a problem? I do a lot of hand washing or let’s just call it ‘drying out’ to consider them clean again in between washes. Hey, I run by myself. It’s only me myself and I that cares.

• I rarely stretch. This is a confession that I wish I could change but with my schedule stretching has been few and far between. Not good.

• I impulsively sign  up for races. I am not one of those people who hear about a race, stew and then sign up a bit later. No. I hear about it, log on and sign up. Like yesterday. I saw tons of tweets about the Army 10 miler so the rational person got online, saw there only about a few hundred bibs left and signed up. I am NOT the impulsive spender at all but when it comes to running it is like my credit card couldn’t come faster.

• I am a tomboy runner. I have spent about $0 on exercise clothes in the past three or more years. I wear cotton tshirts, longer shorts and old long sleeve cotton shirts when its colder. All my running clothes are free from races or cheap from TJMaxx. All my money goes to Mizunos. Those I buy like they are going out of style.

• I throw away my medals and bibs. No wonder I can’t accurately say how many races I have run. I am the opposite of a hoarder, I am a tosser. I get rid of stuff a lot and I have no way or desire to keep those. Maybe one day that will change.

Goodness I can’t believe it is already Thursday. Tonight our last mentor session and my last mentor session ever. (Until I return next year as a mentor). Shiz got real.

Question: What is your exercise confession? I can handle it. 

Thank You Notes: The Sun is Not

Ah Jimmy Fallon. Think I am on a kick or what? I should mention I only listen to his late night show in the background at work never actually watching it at night when it airs. Best part of my day though despite only voices. So I guess you could call this a copy cat of his Friday tradition. I mean who doesn’t have thousands of thank you letters they need to catch up on? I know I sure do.

To bad I don’t have the background music like he does. Poor Jimmy baseball. Mentally put yourself there, this video should help.

 

Thank you… Megan, a girl who reminds me of how much Jimmy can brighten my day and also that reminder of how fashion is not my forte. Double whammy now – dresses cute AND works at an amazing clothing store. Not fair.

Thank you… Metro delays, for making my morning commute a good practice of steadying my breath and controlling my anger. My rap music is getting a lot of good use I may add.

Thank you… coworker hangouts that may kill me. My coworker wants to take me to her Crossfit gym she has been going to all year. 7 am Friday. I am a tad nervous. Slash peeing my pants nervous.

Thank you… Facebook, for allowing the world to see my ‘liking’ spree I may have done to all of the pictures of my sister and boyfriend at his graduation. They were just too darn cute it was hard to control the COMMENT ON ALL.

Thank you… They Might Be Giants, for playing randomly on my itunes. I still remember the full dance video I made for it with a best friend in middle school. They also taught me my science. Did you know the sun is a mass of incandescent gas?

 

Thank you… first new work email, for entering my inbox at the exact right moment of the day making me a bundle of excitement and anxious energy. Even though it was just a ‘hey here’s what’s going on’ email, it made it all more real. Crazy, five more work days here.

Thank you… final class moments, making me beam with a proud mom feeling. I have to do some finishing check ins with students just because mentor sessions end this week. I ask them about their school work, improvements, sets goals and about if they want to continue with BUILD. Ones who I swore would not continue are – making me just so happy. BUILD will only help them and I think BPC really iced the cake for them on what they can achieve. BOO YA – best win I could ever feel.

Thank you… Amy’s Baking Company, for some crazy ass entertainment. I know, I am a sucker for train wrecks but boy did this episode I found after reading this Buzzfeed article make me laugh out of pure ridiculousness.

 

Thank you…premiere of So You Think You Can Dance, for being a two night not one night premiere. One night was just wasn’t enough.

Thank you… inability to say no. I am now working at the running store Friday for a good portion of the day. Darn. I know the money is worth it but still it is just another example of me being unable to just let me be.

Thank you… bad body image for making this week even more of a doozy. I am not sure if it is the new job approaching and me wanting to show up the best me or what. Any way you look at it, negative thoughts are storming and make it a little tougher than normal.

Hump day joy. One full week till I am home. One full week till my old job is done. Chugga chugga.

Question: What would your thank you note be? 

Trade em Up Tuesday: Carry Me Home

Nah nah nah nah nah.. That song (if you know what it is…) was actually my ringtone on the phone in my bedroom at home. It was one of the only ringtone options my phone had at the time. Totally old school. I haven’t had a land line or real phone since high school. This was the ringtone on my cellphone for ages. What does it say about me?

 

But back to Tuesday. Monday ended up being a tad bit longer than expected and it didn’t help I was dragging already. Coffee me people. Coffee me.

I would trade… no trivia night. The graduation lasted till about 8:30 so I didn’t get home till well after 9. Grandma over here did not like that. I keep telling myself though that my mini break can be filled with early bedtimes. Chug through.

I would NOT trade… being able to be at their graduation. The kids try to put it off that they don’t care, they are not all about the celebrations, but deep down they do. I wish I got to work more with the seniors this year but sadly the mentor sessions I had to facilitate were at the same time. Still, I’m so proud of this crew.

I would NOT trade… So You Think You Can Dance coming back. TONIGHT and tomorrow night are the back to back premieres. Holy smokes am I stoked. This was a show my sister and I were/are/will always be obsessed with. Can’t freaking wait. I want half of their talent.

 

I would trade… the fact Megan did not get my The Office reference. I know how we will spend our time this summer. Watch all The Offices!!

I would trade… metro woes. I swear nothing is worse than kicking off a Monday than a hellish commute. I have found a new metro character – The Guy everyone Hates. Yesterday a train was stopped at my platform for 30 minutes because the doors would not close. The train was  packed like sardines so obviously someone was just in the way and the sensor was forcing the doors back open. Yet no one would budge or step off. That one person who just had to be on THAT train even though there was one two minutes behind forced the whole train to unload. Yep, unload and pull away empty. The next train was like a mad hustle to grab a spot because the platform now looked like glorified mob of angry commuters. Personal hell up in there.

I would trade… the impending shopping I need to do for my new job. I hate clothes shopping. With a fiery passion. But I have zero pants so that is a clear problem.

I would NOT trade… this sequence of Best Body Bootcamp workouts. I was getting bored again and losing that strength training motivation. I needed the switch badly so I was psyched to hit the full body circuits. Sadly, this will be my last BBBC because I am joining classes but still – got to push it till the end.

I would trade… my strange obsession with getting fake glasses. Guys, I want them. I can’t explain it but I am dying to get some frames. It is the perfect timing too, I can start my new job with a whole new staff that has no idea I don’t actually need glasses. It’s gonna happen.

I would trade… my all of a sudden writer’s block. I honestly believe when I have the most on my mind the harder it makes to actually sit down and write. I am waiting for that word vomit. Patiently.

I would NOT trade… the clean up time. With this job winding down I am in the process of making a manual for the new hire that I will never be able to meet. Not the most fun task, not at all.

I would trade… a sore butt. I totally forgot how tiring biking was. Especially when you live on an uphill no matter what you do. My butt needs to get used to it too, really used to it. I feel like a newbie all over again.

I would NOT trade… the fact I am home in 8 days. Get me there. So many hugs are ready to be given.

Questions: What would you trade this Tuesday? What wouldn’t you trade? 

MIMM: Remember What Your Old Pal Said

I am getting way too nostalgic over here. Saturday ended and while I felt a huge weight off my shoulders, I couldn’t help but feel pretty darn sad. It is getting real over here.

Today I can’t help but bust from the seams with the marvelousness. 

Marvelous is… the Business Plan Competition coming to a close. It was a freaking long 12 hours on my feet but worth every second. The first round had 14 teams where 4 advanced t the final round. A big sigh of relief was when the four teams who I hoped would be in the final round were. The final presentations went flawlessly. The whole day went without a hiccup. The faces of the all of our kids holding up their certificates, the final team collecting their $1000 in cash with that look in their eyes, the student support for those at their school – nothing better.

Marvelous is… watching a difference BUILD has made. We did a mini senior graduation during the final round. We brought up our 20 seniors, the largest graduating class yet. 100% of them have been accepting to college. That is a statistic we are proud of.

Marvelous is… BUILD alumni. We are still fairly new here at this branch. However, we did have a student who is now a junior in college do a speech for us. She will be speaking in California as well as at our annual BUILD gala with the creator of Twitter and CEO of Yahoo (holy shiz). I won’t lie, her speech made me tear up. She said she developed this anger, this anger from her unstable youth, anger as her mom suffered from a paralyzing stroke, anger as her home in DC had caution tape surrounding it. BUILD gave her hope in herself and hope in her future, that is what she proves today as she goes through college on a scholarship and is that role model for her younger siblings.

Marvelous is… a high school friend Camille coming to watch the final competition. DC feels a bit more welcoming when you have friends taking time out of their day to support you in one of the biggest events for you this year. I had the biggest smile when I saw her. When she asked where Alex was, the answer was she is running around like a mad woman. Oh yeah, that was me.

Marvelous is… keeping the one hiccup unknown. So, I lied. There was a pretty big hiccup. During the final presentation, all of a sudden a few of us staff members heard screaming. We kept the final presentations going as a few of us went to see what went down. Nothing like beef between a 9th grader and 11th grader in a our program on the GW campus to break the peace in that building. Students in the building (who by the way were watching it like a movie) called the police. What didn’t help was that the parents were egging it on, making me feel sick just saying it. I wonder where they learn that behavior. Woof. My coworker had to physically get between them to prevent a full on fight from happening.

Marvelous is… 7 more work days. Is this real? Friday we get a comp day because of Saturday meaning I have only seven more work days. Seven.

Marvelous is… not working a double today. Thank the lord. I’m thinking trivia night is in order with my running store coworkers.

Marvelous is… Judy returning. In other words you probably should have watched SNL. Kristen Wiig and Vampire Weekend and the Lawrence Walker Show. Come on people. Just do it.

Marvelous is… a long week leading to an awesome Friday. I may have to work late every night this week but on Friday I get a fun afternoon with this girl. Beyond needed.

Marvelous is… letting go. I think I go into a lot with high expectations. Sometimes they are surpassed but then there are those times when, sadly, they fall short. I think I was letting that ‘falling short’ hold me back and I was developing that isolation tendency again. Instead I am continually reminded to let go. If it is not meant to be it isn’t meant to be. It feels good to get out there again.

Tonight is our actual senior graduation so after a day at work I will be helping at the graduation. Happy Monday friends!

Question: What is marvelous about your Monday?  

I’m Comfortably Confused

 

It’s crunch time. I have a double shift today that includes moving all of our supplies/student products/things to the venue and a night shift at the running store. Sheesh, bad timing. All before an early Saturday wake up for a full day event. This week my mind has been only on work. The big event. Only 9 more work days at this job. Whoa.

I think this post was one I kept wanting to post but had so much to say that putting it all on one page seemed overwhelming. I have talked a lot about what I do at this job but never really WHY I took this job. I went straight from graduation here last May. A move I kept second guessing until the last minute.

In High School, the last thing on my mind was community service. I did the bare minimum and honestly don’t remember even what I did. It wasn’t a priority. I wasn’t that high school student wanted to rack up all the community service opportunities to look good for college or just to feel good. Eh, I honestly believe at this point in my life I was just so insecure in myself that helping others was not even on my wave length.

Then college came and once again I felt lost. A whole new area. A whole new student body. I never built that identity in high school so I was attempting to find some place to fit. I just happened to stumble on the Bonner Leader Program and thought why not. What I didn’t realize was that community service would keep me grounded and help me find confidence in myself. I worked a lot with a youth after school program which propelled my friend and I to start our own non profit organization called Student to Student Mentoring (follow the link to read more about it). This was not easy. It took a year of planning, finalizing paperwork with lawyers, outreach to the community, building community partners, pitching for investments and creating a buzz. But we did it. And it is still growing. A legacy I am proud I was able to leave behind at my school. Not something that every student can say they did in college. Or did in general. BUILD noticed this though during my interviews. Sure, I may not have that Poverty class background that normally would lead people into the non profit sector but I had this drive to make something bigger and better.

I honestly thought I would never (I even said this to people) go into the non-profit sector after college. Even though it was a huge part of my life (over 1800  hours in three years at college), I had a very closed mindset about what it had to offer in the real world. I thought oh Teach for America or some sort of teacher like role. So not my interest at all. My focus was on advertising positions but nothing was panning out and I began to freak out. Until I found BUILD.

 

There are so many awesome, horrible, hilarious and frustrating aspects of BUILD I could speak about. All of which I am walking away from and keeping close to me as I enter the corporate world… I am doing an interesting spin to this. Each take away includes a student business team from our 14 teams I worked with this year.

• Hidden Treasures: I won’t lie, I was terrified to work with these students. I hadn’t heard great things and had never worked with this population. What I have learned though is that even with some actions, they are kids at heart. When they walk in, they bring a lot of baggage. A lot that I have never had to deal with myself. They set low expectations of themselves and their futures which is why organizations such as BUILD are so essential. They have made me laugh more than anything else.

• ReFashionable: One of the most frustrating parts of this sector is just the overall lack of resources. Cramped quarters. Not enough bodies. Disinterested parents. Small money pool. You name it, we deal with it. That only means it is all about resourcefulness. You make due with what you have. If anything, it pushed all of us to use networks and outreach like no other.

• Swagg Backs: Getting your swagg back even when things go array is what it is all about. With many wins there were losses. I think the game changer for us this year was attendance. It was near impossible at the start of the year to get kids to not only go to class but come at night to mentor sessions. Our solution was to keep trying new things between incentives, mentor projects, etc. Guess what, by the end of the year attendance was much higher. When there is a roadblock, you build a new path.

• All N One: You wear many hats when you work in this sector. Especially in a small office. You are a teacher, a mentor, an assistant, a technician, you name it – we wear it at one point. Hours are unpredictable for that reason. With that though comes experience. I honestly believe I landed such a great job afterwards because I did so much in my short time at BUILD. I did a ton of marketing, presentations, training’s  and facilitation’s.  When I signed up for this job, that was never on the job description. But I am beyond happy they let me run with it. 

I don’t know. I wanted to keep this simple because I know I could go on for days.  BUILD made me realize a lot about my working style and adaptation when things gets tough. It allowed me to gain a lot more leadership than jumping right into a bigger company would have. These skills worked wonders at this job and I know that for my next one they will make me an even better employee.

So, because I know I have many DC people out there. A shameless plug. Come see what students can do and what they can achieve when they dream big.

______________________________________________________

Washington DC’s 5^th Annual Business Plan Competition

Join us to watch BUILD’s 9th grade students from our Washington DC partner schools present the creative business plans they worked so hard to design this school year. Student teams from Roosevelt Senior High School, Eastern Senior High School, and Maya Angelou Public Charter School will compete for substantial startup cash to launch their businesses.

When: Saturday, May 11, 2013 from 12:00 p.m. to  4:00 p.m.

Where: George Washington University Graduate School of Business
              Funger Hall, 2201 G Street NW
              Washington, DC 20052
              (Two blocks from Foggy Bottom Metro)

Lunch will be provided from 12:00 p.m. – 1:00 p.m.

DURING LUNCH: Before the final round begins at 1pm, get to know our youth entrepreneurs, hear them pitch their business ideas and use Square to purchase student products at the Sales Bazaar.

Breathe in For Luck

The five hour energy was a mistake yesterday. I seriously got the shakes. Luckily, the kids kind of laughed at me. Apparently I am a ‘newbie’ to energy drinks, something they are well versed in. I prefer my caffeine in coffee form thank you very much.

This week my blogging has been totally needed at the end of the day. A journal in an all access form. I am still boggled I still have so much on my mind come 8 pm when I get back to my apartment. I sit down and it all just come pouring out. One of the things I love about blogging. Those times when it clicks.

Thursday baby.

• #caffeinemistake – I told you I took a five hour energy instead of my usual coffee but why? I had to go to a school quite early and while I could have brewed my own as I took a shower, I knew I wouldn’t be able to drink it. This school has now (very recent addition) banned all liquid substances after a kid brought in a bottle of BLEACH and threw it on another kid. Not joking friends, not joking. God I am beyond glad I am not still in high school. 

• #embarrassingfact – I am in the process of learning every single word to Can’t Hold This. I do this. I find a song I am completely obsessed with and need to learn every word so that I can sing it without looking crazy. Like One Week – memorized that one in high school. It’s a phase.

• #whathavewecometo – Nothing makes me more sick about the three captive girl stories than the publicity and already humor going along with their release. The man who freed them is now a celebrity on shows, making mashups of his sound bites and even being tweeted at by companies like McDonalds. Too soon for jokes. Way too soon.

• #jamsdontstop – I am beginning to realize that all my music is unnamed on my itunes because everything comes from mixed tapes I was given. Most just have Untitled Song with album name the person who gave it to me. One plus of this, such good memories come back when I see the name of the person and the song they put on there for me. My two favorite albums are probably still my ex-boyfriend’s ones.

• #coverproblems – I realized in yesterday’s post I had zero cover songs. Rude. Just because this is such a college throwback song.

• #wateroverload – This is actually a completely serious question. This week I can’t for the life of me get the water sound and gurgle to stop in my stomach when I run. You know what I mean right? I hear the water juggling up and down throughout my whole run. This rarely happens to me and this week it is every single day. What is this from? Help?

• #quickadaption – This week my body is getting the memo that I have to be up earlier. Even without an alarm I am waking up earlier than normal to get my workout in before work. Thank you body adaption. It is good preparation for my new job where I will be waking up earlier anyways.

• #idontmakethisup – A new show is starting called OH SIT. A competitive musical chair game show. Seriously? We have too much time on our hands as a country.

• #marrymejim – Please tell me you saw Tuesday night’s Jimmy Fallon Late Night. Jim from The Office was on it and I didn’t think it was possible but it made me love him more. His lip syncing is spot on.

• #carryonthetradition – For my fifth year in a row, I have signed up for the Falmouth Road Race, a 7.2 mile course in August. My family has run it since before I was born and it is my generation’s turn to carry it on. I am the only one from my generation that runs so I carry my year. Luckily I have my 16 year old cousin following right behind running it for her second time. This race is hard but freaking awesome.

• #imaconvert – I knew google reader has failed me but it finally killed me for the last time. I have officially switched all browsers to open to Feedly. Way more awesome than Bloglovin’. Sorry folks.

• #smallsteps – In my attempt to make DC less lonely, I am finally doing a college get together with some old friends from school the first week of June. Porch top hanging it is.

Today our office has some extra help from coworkers at our other branches in both California and Boston. We could use it as crunch time sets in. Three days till the big event Saturday. Last push.

And because I was a Theta, this just makes me happy.

He knows where all the cool kids are.

Question: What is your Thursday hashtag?

Shut Up and Let Me Jam

I am firm believer that there are times that ranting soothes the soul. However, spewing rants all over the internet about petty bad days like mine, eh not so much. Today was one of those days I just counted the minutes till it ended trying not to cry/scream/strangle all at the same time. One of THOSE kinds of days.

Before I start, I need to direct you to Cinnamon’s blog. She has some photography skill and she is starting this weekly photography tip/assignment. I know I sure need it. I would talk more about it but I think she would do a better job than I ever could.

A self care tool I have started to fully take advantage of is music. I finally joined this century by putting my itunes songs on my phone. Instant commute saver. I will say though, my itunes has not been touched since eighth grade and a bit freshman year of college so bear with me. I only put it on shuffle because I am way too indecisive for music.

Let’s see what popped up… (I put ones you haven’t heard from me because you all know there was plenty of Macklemore and Mumford flooding through)

Over – Sugarcult: My first and only concert was Greenday with an opening act of Sugarcult when I was in eighth grade. I felt all emo being into Sugarcult. Oh, the middle school Alex.

 

Purple Stain – Red Hot Chili Peppers: I will never get over this band. Even their quirky certainly odd songs.

 

Cough Syrup – Young The Giant: A newer tune for me but I am officially into this band.

 

Merry Happy – Kate Nash: My best friend (and one of my residents) sophomore year introduced me to this lady. I just think she has such a unique voice and style that can’t be replicated.

 

Poor Little Rich Boy – Regina Spektor: Same friend introduced me to her. Again, a style that I wouldn’t even know what to call.

 

Lola – The Kinks: This brings me right back to my second bike trip I did from Niagra Falls to Montreal. We created a playlist that we sent around through cds so we all could remember the trip. Gosh I miss those people.

 

Life Less Ordinary – Carbon Leaf: Freshman year of college I got back into music thanks to a hall of girls that bonded in a hot second. They had a taste of music I really had never appreciated until then.

 

Don’t Panic – Coldplay: The Garden State Soundtrack was the only cd I ever bought with my money. Can’t get enough of this album. I listen to it on repeat on these kinds of days.

 

Hearts A Mess – Gotye: The most recent add on thanks to a little buddy who sent me this when I was having an off day. Thank goodness I have someone with a similar taste for music who also like running and lots of java.

 

Shut Up and Let me Go – The Ting Tings: College jam. Makes me just want to break out and go.

 

Dark Blue – Jack’s Mannequin: I never appreciated this song I was introduced to way back when but I just heard it for the first time in a while and I dig it.

 

Hey Delilah – Plain White T’s: Who couldn’t just listen to this soothing song? Guitar me.

 

Bang Bang – Dispatch: Oh another throwback from college.

 

Sure Shot – Yellowcard: Back to the emo Alex. I still know every word to it. Test me on it, I swear.

 

I already feel ready for Wednesday. Sort of…

Question: What is the first song that comes on your itunes on shuffle NOW