It is kind of hard to write this. I try to be open and honest when it comes to the blogger behind the screen and just sitting down to wrap up the quickest long weekend seems a bit daunting. You could say it is because I lost my writing mojo but it really because there has been SO much on my mind and this little (and I mean little) break kind of opened the flood gates.
Warning, no pictures. Basically committing a blogging sin right there but let’s be real, when I don’t use any sort of gif or video… you know I mean business.
The best way I know to let the flood is with lists. Typical Alex.
The good. Seeing my family. You can’t beat family time, even if it was a bit chaotic. 15 + people and two dogs crammed in one house meant I was couch surfing and there was never a space to be alone. At the same time, I tend to find those times the best to really test your patience and love for your family. You know the family always wins. No matter how many deep breathes it takes to get through it.
The bad. I really only got one good beach day. Meaning the tan I really wanted to get was pretty non-existent. My family was shocked to see my pale status. What can I say, going almost two years without a beach does no good to Lebanese skin.
The good. A race that surprised me. Honestly, I mentally checked out 1 minute into the race thinking I would bonk. I really did. The start was a lot more strict because of security meaning I was waiting in the hot sun at 9:30 am without a start time till almost 10:10. Not the best way to start a race. Then enter the first mile of pure shuffling because of the crowds. Normally I can find a way to cut in front or find a gap but this year I was stuck and stuck hard. Finally breaking free I got a killer cramp for almost four whole miles. Yep, mentally I kind of had just come to terms with this not being a PR race. The heat was hot, the sun stretch was the worst I have felt and the hills were there with a vengeance. Yet, crossing the finish line and seeing my time flash above me with a solid minute PR felt damn good.
The bad. My roommate situation in DC fell through. I think I didn’t realize how much I wanted a roommate until it fell through. I was excited to be with a friend, I was excited to pay less, all of it. But the thing was, when I had finally thought in my mind that I would be having a roommate – I felt this enormous weight off my shoulders. You can just tell I took the not going to work out thing a bit hard.
The good. I didn’t sleep… Oh wait. That only means that this week going to bed early and getting up early to run will be easy peasy.
The good. Catching up with my dad’s old buddies. After the race, went to my god father’s house where he had his after race get together. It included about 7 of my dad’s old buddies – crazy stories and all. It is just nice to see that these relationships can overcome everything. Distance, time, life circumstances, you name it. I hope I have that one-day. I really really do.
The bad. It was really hard to see my dog. Don’t get me wrong I am so glad I got to see her but this Zoe was not the Zoe I know. She looked like a dinosaur with bones sticking out, a distended stomach that just looked painful, beyond painful and little to no energy. It was hard to look at her and not tear up. I miss my old Zoe, the Zoe that would out run me, that never let you sit down and that was always wagging by your side. Gah, writing this I am tearing up. The worst bad, it is probably the last time I will see her – for her own good. A dog can only live so long without food absorbing and a normal life. I hate writing this, I really do.
The good. I am starting another strict round of the Whole 30. Yep, you heard me. It won’t be easy but it needs to be done just because for the first time during a race I didn’t feel like puking. I still need to work on fueling but not puking during a race is a big deal for me. Big deal. I am so ready to re-commit to a strict Whole 30, no 90/10 approach, before my half in September.
The bad. Nothing like underlying insecurities coming out in full force during this break. I felt defeated by my thoughts and overtaken with them in many cases. I feel like I had to mentally check out a lot and step aside to re-check where they came from and what was driving them. I am hoping going back to routine will calm these. I feel like I am really down playing this, maybe just for my own inability in describing it fully. Or maybe I am trying to brush it under the rug. Both are not good options. I will try to hold myself accountable on this one because it needs to and should be addressed. Just not right now. I’m great at this avoidance game. Blarg.
The good. Some beautiful Cape Cod runs. I got some nice easy runs in the Cape as well as some walks with my mom. You can’t beat that. Even thought I felt pretty short on energy and overall was exhausted, sometimes a little run can shake all that.
The bad. Like always it was hard to say bye. Really hard. Especially to my mom and sister. (Don’t get me started on the final goodbye to my dog). I always end up dreading going back, questioning living so far from family and wishing things were different. So strange. I don’t feel unhappy when I am here but leaving everything behind just feels wrong. Plus this time I had all these thoughts that being my mom tends to reduce dramatically.
The good. I have something to go back to. Don’t get me wrong, I am a complainer but at the end of the day I am heading back to a place where I have two jobs and a roof over my head. I may feel a bit stretched right now in all capacities. A bit burnt out, ok a lot burnt out, from two jobs. Still lacking a bit of that fun, relaxing time. Things may not be ideal, heck I doubt they will ever be, but it is something.
Well, I didn’t think I would write this much or intend to write this much but it came out. One thing I did question a lot was my blogging future. Something I still have trouble finding words to explain. Let’s just see what this week has in store. I sure do have a lot of ‘topics’ I am putting on the back burner.
Back to the grind. Another long stretch of no breaks ahead.
Question: What is your good and bad this week?