I wrote a post and deleted it. Every single word. I haven’t done that in a while.
I like being in control. I like knowing I can make my own decision and really frame what I want from what I put in. Call it type A, call it perfectionism, it’s me.
Then there is the part of me that hates being that much in control and having to make all the decisions. I have those swirling thoughts that wonder would it be different if I chose one or another. Or I have those moments of complete indecisiveness where I fear choosing one way would make me miss out on other opportunities. There are times where I want nothing to do with it and things to just happen. Case in point, I over think. And most of all, I doubt myself.
Rude awakening, the real world is like that. Those big girl pants (well dress) I tend to shy away from need to be put on. For the first time, the ball is in my court and I have only positive amazing options to choose from. Which hoop to choose? No idea. I don’t talk about my work much here. A distance that still probably needs to happen, or at least for a little bit. Just until the loose ends tie itself together. I do have a few blends out there that I fully thank for putting up with the crazy details I throw their way.
Instead, I want to come back to this strong pattern of doubt that creeps into my life. I don’t doubt others, I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. But I doubt myself. And oh boy do I doubt myself.
If I say the word DOUBT what comes to mind? Doesn’t that word just make you cringe and shake your head. We all have those, those thoughts of doubt, those fears of doubt, those times where doubt just takes over. When I think of doubt, I tend to think of what it prevents me from doing. I tend to think of all those debilitating results on the other end of that doubt. So when I started writing this, I realized I was giving doubt way too much power.
Self doubt is crippling and paralyzing to my life right now. I know that. I fully take responsibility for that. I beat myself up because I can’t push through that mindset, I can’t just say ‘ok I’ll roll with the punches’, and I struggle to just let life happen. Something I have spoken of and something I need to revisit is how to reframe this doubt and take that LEAP OF FAITH.
A leap of faith is one that is not always easy to make, but necessary to do. Leaps of faith have an unknown ending in many cases. That result that you won’t always be 100% certain of. I have taken many leaps of faith in my life. I don’t regret my leaps of faith because each one has taught me more about myself and others. I think it is so important to reflect on those leaps we have all taken because that is how you grow. I have taken these leaps of faith before… in my recovery when I entered inpatient treatment, in taking my current job, and in becoming an open book person, sharing my life with the world.
Where am I going with all of this? It is time to let doubt be my on my side.
- Doubt will allow me to reflect on my current situation and where I can go from here.
- Doubt will push me to try new things, even if they seem totally out of my comfort zone.
- Doubt will remind me it is ok to not be perfect.
Vague… sure. But I think we can all walk away from this with some kind of message. Life is meant to be lived. Over thinking each and every moment, wondering what is ahead, makes you forget about the blessing you have in front of you. I have some pretty tough decisions ahead but boy are they freaking amazing opportunities. Doubt be my guide. It always helps to sprinkle in some humor and sarcasm as well. Therefore, my theme song of the week…
Question: Do you find you suffer from self doubt? What pushes you out of that doubt?
A lot of this definitely sounds like what I was talking about yesterday and it’s insane that every time you post something, I feel like I could have written the same thing myself (well, it might not sound quite as good). I definitely suffer from the self-doubt. My coach actually pulled me aside as I was leaving the gym yesterday to tell me that I have nailed every single workout yet it’s the doubt that creeps in my head that is keeping me back from being where i want to be. I would love to hear about your crazy rants with your job eventually, but I also get that you don’t always want to post everything online for people to read. I know you’re going to come out on top with whatever life throws at you. We all need to take that leap of faith once in awhile to push us to where we want to go.
Those leaps of faith are scary but they are what you have to do sometimes, even if you may not exactly know the outcome or if it is that ideal choice. I am lucky I have all positive things to choose from, its about my choice almost making it harder. Your coach is right, self doubt can be debilitating and working through that is not the easiest.
I think everyone suffers from a bit of self doubt, but like you said, we can use it fuel good things. I definitely try and recognize it so that I can work on the area and make it better.
Everyone really does, I just need to start channeling it as fuel for all those good things.
I can definitely relate to everything you’ve said here. I’m also one of the biggest Type A personalities you’ll meet, and unless I know I can do something perfectly, or up the the “standard” i set for myself, sometimes it’s so hard for me to give things a go for fear of failing.
Self-doubt is so debilitating, and it actually stopping us from some amazing experiences, and opportunities to learn profound things about ourselves and the world around us.
It’s hard to take that leap of faith, but it’s so worth it!
We need to believe we’re more capable and strong and talented than we think
xx
I know I need to remember that no matter what taking that leap of faith will lead me down a good path. I set very high standards for myself which never helps. If i was on the outside looking in I would tell myself just let it happen, do what feels right and go for it.
The “worrying” quote very eloquently says everything that I’ve been thinking in regards to your situation.
This whole post lists that you’re completely aware of all those things that I fear — that your self-doubt holds you back and that you need to be hyper-aware of this while making your decision.
I have no doubt that you will make the right decision (because honestly, at this point it really doesn’t seem like there is a wrong decision), even though it might make you feel uncomfortable to realize how much you deserve the best. Your self-doubt isn’t going to disappear in four weeks, but with a contructive environment that allows you to thrive, I truly believe that this will be possible.
Set yourself up for success and it makes it that much harder for you to fail.
it is true, I am lucky that I have so many good choices to choose from but it comes down to not letting my self doubt hold me back and drive me deeper into that cycle of perfectionism.
I might be reading into your post too much, but does it mean your interview went well?? It sounds like you have a big decision to make, and I know you’ll make the right choice for you. Maybe something to reflect on during your next run?
OH man my runs have been all about reflecting and wondering. I do have a lot of choices to make… we will just have to see.
always happy for you to throw crazy details my way – keep that up. love your point about doubt being paralyzing – it’s completely true. understandable sometimes but totally true. i wish we could have coffee and discuss all your options ad nauseum. let’s make that happen.
I would do it in a heartbeat. Holy shiz just realize I don’t work this Saturday… hmmmmmm
I can 100% relate to this doubt – especially at the moment. Yes it can hold me back but most of the time it pushes me on. If I doubt I’ll succeed at something then I usually end up surprising myself with a determination to prove myself wrong.
Exactly, that is the way I am trying to frame this for myself now. I need to let this doubt push me forward rather than back.
I feel like I am in a similar boat right now. Doubt really is always in the back corner of my mind especially with y career for the longterm. Gotta figure out how to conquer it!
I know, sometimes I just wish I could know where I am in my future so I know what choices to make now. I guess that really leaves out that whole process of the journey of life.
It’s crazy how we doubt ourselves! It’s funny, with life in general I don’t over think things and at work I get paid to over think things, but when it comes to relationships (with men) I really over think. I am not sure why, but I do. Mostly because there is this fear of rejection, so why bother even putting myself in a position to meet someone. Since meeting Kevin that has all changed…..do I over think things a bit….sure, but knowing that he and I are supposed to be together really makes me relax into the relationship. I have no doubts about where he and I are at this point in our relationship and look forward to the rest of it.
Overcoming self doubt and trying to be perfect all of the time is really rather exhausting, so moving forward and taking each day as it comes works for me.
Have a great day Alex!
You definitely hit on something I left out, we worry because we fear that failure. i know that is so true for me. I don’t want to make one move for fear of failing and having to restart. Such wise words here, thank you so much for sharing this
I think you’re doing a great job of processing the decisions. Can’t wait to see where you land.
Thanks Abby, I can’t wait either. Because right now I have no clue.. haha
I think we all suffer from at least an occasional hit of self-doubt. I’m sorry that it’s been hitting you so much lately, but at least you’re recognizing it and realizing that you need to make a change. You’ll get there! It sounds like you have a big decision to make, but you’ll do what’s best best for you.
Self doubt does tend to hit everyone, I know though me as a person, I tend to internalize way more than the average person. I just think it is my disposition but something I know I want to work on
I would echo what everyone has said so far. I definitely experience my fair share of self doubt as well. And I have the same perfectionist tendencies, which is exhausting. With that being said, you are an incredibly talented and amazing person.
Thank you so much for those sweet words, I think self doubt is something everyone experiences at one point. the part of not letting it affect my actions or mindset is the big kicker
Doubt is my middle name, figuratively speaking:) I am constantly struggling with perfectionism, self-doubt, insecurity, and anxiety, so I can completely relate to what you are saying. And to be honest, I haven’t yet found a good way to push myself out of that doubt. When people compliment me, I never believe them. I praise other people but refuse to accept anything resembling a compliment, because I always think they are simply saying that to make me “feel better.” I suppose that is just a hurdle I need to find my way over.
Oh gosh compliments are the hardest thing for me to hear. Yesterday was tough because I was getting this praise but constantly wanting to crawl out of my skin as they said it. I agree, it is a hurdle but one that I hope we can keep jumping over
I just try not to think about things that make me doubt myself… easier said than done, right?
So right, much easier said than done but you are spot on, it is easier to just not think of those things
I love the worrying quote — I don’t doubt myself so much as I worried about things to come. But I need to stop that an focus on the task at hand, and I think I’m getting better at that.
I worry so much too, it stinks that I get caught up in it but I know that slowly I will worry less… or at least I hope.
It definitely IS your choice Alex. You’re obviously putting a lot of thought and time into whatever this decision may be. You’re a smart, educated, responsible woman that everything will work out for in the end. Do what your heart is telling you.
Thanks Allison, i think I sometimes get caught up in those what ifs and forget that in the end it will all work out. No matter what I will learn from the experience.
I do doubt myself often, and I think that has held me back from things in my life. I get so worked up and I can remember before I interviewed for a teaching position in December that I told Travis I couldn’t do it. I wonder if that kept me from getting the position? I think self-doubt can be a good thing if you recognize it and learn to use it to push yourself further!
P.S. – OK Go was my car jam for about 6 months in high school. For some reason, the song Cinnamon Lips was my favorite hah
I just love that dance, I mean how can you not want to do that treadmill dance? Goal right there. self doubt can really mess with your mind frame, it is hard to break from it for sure
I actually don’t suffer from as much self-doubt as I probably should. I tend to make decisions and stick with them. That’s gotten me into trouble because some of those decisions would have benefited from some self-reflection!
I think that is awesome though, that trust you have found in yourself is pretty darn inspirational. Keep rocking that!
I definitely doubt myself as well, especially (and ironically) at work as far as whether I’m right and smart enough, etc. It’s so silly! I need to be more confident in my decisions, but I also overthink everything. It’s typically a sign of how smart we are, so be comforted by that
It is true, i think it may be our personality traits that push us into this doubt place but we so don’t deserve that. We are way more than that doubt we hold
I like this post because I like how you turn a flaw into something positive. It’s all about acknowledging our personality types.
It really is, I think I just need to now push myself to keep trucking through those restraints I put on myself
Gosh, I relate to this! Like 100%! The damn “doubt(S)” really holding me back at the moment! And I’m having these at most aspects of my life. However, I remember that I use to dare those! Aggressively and came out as victorious. So yeah, I definitely need to push on with life. Thank you so much for sharing this, Alex!
i am glad you can relate and I bet you can see how doubt can almost push you forward, for example you doubt that ed voice that may be comforting leading you to decide to follow a meal plan to the t. that is all good work!
this is a great post! I have a lot of self doubt but have learned to use it to help push me in the direction I need to go. Yes the fear of the unknown scares me but we have to take those risks in life!
i am such a risk aversion person so sometimes i wish I was more willing to take those risks.
In the words of Alex “Woof”, self-doubt is a mo-fo & will get ya’ every time if you let it! I always try to think “what’s the worst that can happen?”…usually it’s not that bad. Good luck with all your dealing with girl!
I appreciate that woof, self doubt just stinks sometimes but I need to remember what is the worst that could happen? no matter what i will learn
I used to doubt myself all the time, and I really couldn’t tell you what got me out of that habit, but you have to start little by little. Making decisions and sticking to them
You can do it!
You are right, it is those little steps that matter in the end
Vagueness is a-okay. Doubt stinks, I totally agree. Sometimes I just realize that it gets me nowhere and I need to pray it out!
Very true, I hope that I can break from it more and more
Me and doubt are good friends. Well, I suppose neither ‘good’ nor ‘friend’ should be used when talking about self-doubt, but you know what I’m saying – I’m very well acquainted with the doubt monster. I trust others a lot more than I trust myself, often going with their opinions over my own simply because I’m me and that means I must be wrong. It’s getting better, but definitely still a work in progress. I think a lot of it comes down to a lack of self-worth and not being able to see that I have a pretty darn good head on my shoulders.
This is me exactly. Like from an outsider looking in I would say hey Alex just let it happen, whatever you choose will work out. Yet I dread making any sort of decision and totally over think everything. Why can’t I take my own advice? No idea
Definitely have dealt with doubt…I think that is an issue for loads of people. Just have to keep pressing fwd and realizing that we all deal with the same devils – just have to keep fightin’.
You are right, I need to keep telling myself this. In the end the choice will be right because I made it for myself
Today, in “How Bethany and Alex appear to be the same person.” Seriously, I relate to so much of this post. Decision making, even over stupid little things (like: do I want to go home for Easter? Yes, because home = good food and family. No, because staying in Chicago = going to a church I like instead of suffering through the judgey judgey church my family goes to AND being in town on Saturday, which opens up the possibility for hanging out with, ahem, *certain people*…which is admittedly a terrible reason to stay in the city for Easter. But the church one is a biggie for me. Also I have to be home the Saturday before that, and I don’t want to spend two straight weekends bonding with my BFF Amtrak), is NOT my forte.
I am a big, big, BIG believer in fate/destiny/whatever you want to call it, and one of the things I most believe is that nothing wrong ever happens. I believe that bad things happen, but I don’t believe wrong things happen. Ever. I believe that every single decision we make, every single choice we go with, every single thing we say yes or no to happens for a specific reason and happens because it was supposed to happen. Sometimes I play the “What If?” game with myself–I especially did this in college. What if I had gone to the University of Michigan instead of where I went to college? Well, I probably never would have joined the student paper, and I certainly never would have had the internship I had, and I DEFINITELY wouldn’t have the job I have right now if I had gone to U of M. I wouldn’t know any of the people I currently consider to be my friends. Granted, I would have had different experiences and would have made different friends, but I think the experiences I did have and the friends I did make were the best possible options for me. “Everything happens for a reason” is SO SO SO cliche, but I really believe in the truth of that. Hopefully that’s something you can hold on to as you’re faced with some decision making. I’m fully convinced you’ll end up doing what you’re meant to do
We are the same person but I knew that. I am a huge believer in the fate game as well. i keep trying to remind myself of that but it gets super hard, like I worry one decision over another is going to impact my whole life. Gosh I am an over thinker to the max. So cliche that everything happens for a reason but so true, I am hoping to have that ah ha moment soon.
I sometimes tie the word doubt and assumption into the same category. If I assume something is going to go wrong, I am doubting it’s potential and possibilities. There is no room for that negativity in my mind, yet occasionally it does take over!! All I can do is (try) to redirect my thoughts to something positive and tell myself to knock it off!
I kind of love the way you phrased that, I may start to use that. You are so right, assuming and doubt just leave room for that negativity.
I definitely doubt myself a heck of a lot more than I doubt others – I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt far too often, or so others tell me… But at the same time I have faith that everything happens for a reason and will ultimately work out, as hard as it may be to believe at times. And I have faith that your job situation is going to work out in your benefit, how you want it to go, not for any one else’s benefit or because they make you feel like you have to or should do it…
You are just like me, I always give so much trust to others but not myself. Time to take my own advice because I really need to just let it happen
I can totally relate. I think my ED definitely played a role in my indecision and self-doubt. Once I graduated I thought I needed to do everything perfectly right away and figure it all out immediately. That’s a big load to bear. This perfectionism translated into a paralyzing inability to make decisions. Okay, maybe that’s exaggerating, but it was pretty freaking annoying not being able to make my mind up about anything. But eventually i was able to let go of the control and need for perfection, and realize that mistakes are okay. Even if I picked something and didn’t like it, or it didn’t work– I tried. I had to remind myself of all I had been through and how far I had come, and that I would get through it and things would work out. I stopped making a big deal out of little everything, and soon the big things didn’t seem like such a big deal either. Sometimes it just has to be a fake it until you make it kind of thing. I once believed my problem was that I cared too much, and sometimes you gotta just say “What the f**k..” (Risky Business anyone?). The more you do it, let things go, believe in yourself (even if you don’t really), and just take the leap, the easier it gets.
I loved all of what you just wrote there, you are right about letting go and just letting life happen. So funny that my favorite quote is ‘let go’. I need to start practicing that
I agree with everything. Especially lately with school and it being like the hit or miss time in it I talk myself down and down about it but I remember reading somewhere to start your day saying “wouldnt it be nice .[what it is]…” because then in the back of your mind you do believe in yourself for that moment.. does it work? who knows but i def say it every am I say wouldnt it be nice if i got into nursing school… some days i shoot myself down some days i dont. With my ED perfectionism was a main thing for me! So obsessive. I still struggle with certain stuff to be perfect I am human but def not nearly as much crap that I did! you got this girl, power through it!
I really enjoy hearing how you have pushed past that barrier, I want to continue to that and really challenge those negative thoughts I have. They will only bring me down and back to that perfectionism.
The control- I have that issue sometimes! And I’ve definitely deleted a few blog posts haha. Great post(as always!)
Some posts just are not meant to be seen I guess!
For some reason, I always doubt myself, yet I am always willing to give others the benefit of the doubt. This needs to become more balanced. Yes, it is good to forgive people, but it is not good to take the blame upon myself and assume that others must be right and I am in the wrong. I hope you can move through this in the best way possible for you
Remember, I’m always here when ya need me xo
I work the same way and boy does it stink. I wish it was easier to see that we do that and just change it. Thanks Devon, you are always a rock star!
I think it’s natural & normal to have some self-doubt from time to time. I know I doubt myself a LOT, but what usually pulls me out of it is my husband telling me that I CAN do it & that I will (I feel this way about going back to school a lot).
It is great you have a support like that. i am starting to find that support too from others and within myself
Focusing on the positive helps push me out of self doubt.
You will push through this doubt! All good things are to come!!
I hope I can, I keep telling myself that exact same sentence
OMG I really needed this today. Vague but it fit my problems. Thank you! As you know, I’ve always had problems with coworkers fear of not fitting in and overthinking things …. but what for? … thanks again alex!!
ps. you’ve been nominated for the Liebster Award! http://mouthwateringmorsel.wordpress.com/2013/02/20/2013-011365-and-liebster-award-goes-to/
Aw thanks lady! I am glad you got something from this point, at one point we all deal with something like this
yep and this week I really needed it!
I am not sure if I suffer from doubt or fear. Fear of the unknown and my ability to conquer life tasks. So I guess yes a little doubt. But you are right it is the things we are most scared/doubtful of that may end up being the right path to take!
So true, so true. Sometimes we just need to face that doubt head on and conquer those fears