This week is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, a week I could not go without mentioning. This is the second year I have celebrated this week in a recovery place. What struck a chord with me though, was that the theme for this year’s NEDAwareness week is ‘everybody knows somebody’. But isn’t it true and for me that is a difficult thing to hear. This year, they really ask that people do one thing – just ONE thing- to spread awareness.
A big part about starting a blog was to create this awareness around the stigma of eating disorders and recovery. I started reading blogs right before I went into treatment. I soaked it all up, but all the bad parts. The parts where bloggers almost glorify undereating, unhealthy weights and excessive exercise. The parts that readers would comment and praise them for these behaviors. The parts where comparison was all I could see. After treatment, I took a good year off of any sort of blog reading. I knew I wasn’t strong enough to view blogs in that healthy manner, that manner where you create a distance from those that feed those unhealthy habits. When I decided I wanted to start a blog, I slowly started reading them again. But I made a deal with myself that I had to know where that distance was, where that line was on those blogs that still did my recovery no justice. I will be honest, I still see and read many that are deep in denial or just really struggling. I see readers giving them compliments on obviously questionable behaviors. I have learned you sometimes just have to turn your head, a battle not worth fighting.
But what makes me sick is when I see blogs that give out FALSE and WRONG information about the dangers of eating disorders. That makes my blood boil and my throat close. Why? Because I see females behind the screen, reading that blog and wanting to be them. Those girls who were once me unable to see the disorder ridden in their actions.
If I could do one thing, just one thing to spread awareness – I would call out those behaviors more often. But I don’t. No one wants to be that person. Sometimes you are fighting a battle with basically a sick Alex before recovery – that Alex that claimed at a scary low weight she was full of energy and life, claimed she craved nothing but vegetables, claimed that higher volume yet caloric smaller meals were filling, claimed she needed to run to recover, claimed that everything was ok.
So my way of spreading awareness is sharing my story and a guest post from another survivor I was able to meet in person. Because I am ‘the run within’ I bet people are wondering what running had to do with recovery.
Running was not always healthy for me. Flat out. I still remember in my sickest days I claimed that I needed running so that I could have the hunger to eat more and gain weight. Oh immature, in denial, so sick Alex. I didn’t take rest days, I went for time and time only. I refused to do anything else but run. I under fueled and I faced the consequences. What sent my Alex defined recovery (this is the period in high school and beginning of college where I thought I could stay at the most minimal weight for me, be ok, yet still displayed many ED behaviors) into a tail spin full blown relapse was my injury – a pelvic bone stress fracture. Can you say ow? It is a rare stress fracture, one that the doctor told me most military people got. It wasn’t that I was running for hours each day, I actually ran less than I did today but it was the way I was treating my body around the running that made the injury come on. No rest days, no proper eating, under weight, no period (!!!!!!), weak bones and enter the dreaded stress fracture.
After treatment, full weight restored and period back, I was scared to run. Yes, the girl who once could not think of living without running was scared to get out there. I had already been four months without running and feared the trust I had with it. Working with both my nutritionist and therapist they allowed me to not get back to running. I just wasn’t ready. This time I wanted recovery and feared that running would fuel a negative mindset. I didn’t know if I could handle the balance that was needed, that delicate balance where my body was hormonal correct and my mind was doing running for all the right reasons. I also was scared of feeling my body. In running, you are completely in touch with your physical self. That scared me. Could I inhabit this new Alex? What if I felt something I didn’t want to? Movement scared me.
But from there how did I get to here? At first it was a small encouragement to get back to what I love. Running was not always unhealthy, it actually made me the ninth grade happy kid I was. Why did those closest to me encourage me so much to get back to running? Because it ultimately would mean gaining that trust back in myself and the activity that brought me pure joy. It took a while, I spent nearly three months slowly building up running, maybe two miles a week, maybe ten, maybe none.
I need to point out case blank, not all sufferers can go back to the exercise they did while they were sick. My best friend decided she could never go back to the gym, it was too negative of a space for her so instead found movement in swimming. My roommate in treatment found biking as her movement instead of the intense races she used to compete in. You see the trend though? It is an individual journey, one where you need to have the right mindset before engaging in. When it becomes destructive, when it about the calories, when it is about the eating, when you can’t not do it – that is when it is time to step back.
I want to share with you Laura’s journey with movement, a different spin but again the same idea. ( I will be reviewing her book once I finish it!)
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After seeing Alex’s blog featured on Washingtonian’s Well+Being blog, I decided to contact her. A couple weeks ago, I met with Alex and shared with her the book I published on my experiences with an eating disorder, Sick: In The Name Of Being Well, I Made Myself Sick. At first, I did not know that Alex also had experiences suffering from an eating disorder. I was glad that she felt comfortable opening up about it when we met to talk.
Through sharing my book, I have met many new and diverse people who have struggled with eating disorders, such as Alex. Speaking with Alex was interesting to me, and I took note of some of the similarities and differences in our experiences. Both of us were runners when symptoms started occurring. Both of us did our best to cover up the pain. And, today, Alex and I are each interested in helping those who struggle with eating disorders, while also maintaining an athletic background.
Perhaps the main difference between Alex’s story and my own is that today Alex continues to run and I prefer other forms of exercise and physical activity. This is just what makes recovering from an eating disorder such a unique process. There is no formula. Activities that were once healthy for an individual can become unhealthy and then a wonderful passion all over again, but for others it is best to give certain activities up completely in favor of others.
For me, something particularly difficult in my eating disorder recovery was the idea that doctors wanted to take exercise away from me. For many years I continued to exercise until I got so sick to the point that even the seemingly omnipotent power of my own anxiousness could not push me to go back to the gym. Perhaps it is true: If only I could have given up exercise when doctors first warned me to, then maybe I would not have relapsed twice and come to rely on it so much to make me feel good. However, the reality as I see it today is that no matter what I weigh, movement is a necessary component of daily life that makes me feel good. Does it have to be a scientifically proven method or competition against myself? No. All I need is a space to move my body (preferably with certain pieces of equipment). From there, I do my best to be grateful for and work with what I have. It is all-too-easy to get stuck in the mentality of what I’ve got isn’t good enough and does not measure up to what I would like it to be. Though to a certain extent this type of mentality motivates us to be better, acknowledging that you are good enough as is takes a different type of strength that can be quite powerful too.
To learn more about Laura and purchasing her book, find her on the web at www.LauraSusanneYochelson.com
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I am sorry for being so wordy today but this topic is close to my heart. Do one thing today to raise awareness, one thing. for me and all those that once or still do suffer.
I’m out. I have a single girl status Vday to celebrate.
THANKS FOR SHARING!! And a very happy valentines day to you because you matter and not the fact that you may be single! (There are tons of us loud and proud!)
“Keep Calm and Carry On”
Loud and proud singles are who I like to hear from! Hope you have a wonderful day
Exercise in recovery is a HUGE question. I remember my first ED specialist consult when my doctor looked me in the eye and said that there was a giant possibility that I would never work out again. It broke my heart. I lost all hope. To me, that was the nail in my coffin. It took three weeks of weight restoration before I was allowed to stand for more than 30sec at a time or walk across a room. it took three months of weight restoration before I was allowed to go on walks longer than 15min. Two summers in a row, I was permitted to begin exercising again (biking to work, no running), and it led to relapse on two occasions. My bike was taken away, and weight was restored.
Finally, I made a committment to myself. My dietitian and I made a plan. I had to reach a weight we agreed upon and maintain that weight without exercise for 6 months. After that, I was then allowed to begin to return to exercise. I have now been back at it for a full year and have remained in strong recovery throughout. I know that weight loss will result in losing permission to do what I love.
What really, really hits me hard is reading blogs of girls who reward themselves with food, who will only indulge on days when they go on long runs. This is backwards thought. Eating more on long runs days is necessary, however, eating minimally on days when you don’t run is typical of ED behaviour. It’s easy to see where the thoughts come from — I didn’t burn as many calories, therefore I need to take in fewer. WRONG. Your metabolism is still high and your body needs energy for muscular recovery on rest days. If you are restricting your portions or eating a lower meal plan on rest or “yoga” days, you’re probably noticing that your hunger is insane regardless — there’s a reason for it!
I guess that my point is — if your treatment team says you aren’t ready to workout you shouldn’t be doing it. If your treatment team allows you to workout, follow their guidelines. If you notice that your workouts are starting to take control of you, SAY SOMETHING. It ISN’T worth the pain of relapse or injury just to continue in the vicious cycle of restriction and exercise purging. Yes, exercise is important to health and vitality, but there’s a healthy way to do it, and there’s a wrong way to do it. The blog world often displays the latter … this needs to change.
your little blog rant is exactly what I want to shake into people sometimes. I read the elaborate meals that happen, oh and it just happens to only conveniently pop up when they do a long run or have a run planned. It really makes me wonder about that motivation with running. For so long I felt this stigma that I was clearly unhealthy because I returned to running. But no one really understood my long LONG journey back to running. it takes a lot of honestly to know where that space is
i’m really proud of you for posting this – i know that you weren’t exactly sure about it but i’m glad you did. and i’m not just saying that in the comments to be supportive
love you to pieces, glad you were able to find your way back to running because i think we both know i’m a better runner today for having run with you. except for (you know) this damn pesky toe i’ve got going on.
no toe can stop our running groove, i think meeting you has made me realize what running can do in my life in a healthy manner. it can help me form relationships and bond with some pretty sweet people…. and no not that squirrel we pass.
I am so glad you posted this..thats why i never rejoined a gym for 3 years because i just didnt want to ever get stuck in my overexercising self.. id do for hours and hours sometimes to burn off that pizza or something.. when i really let in sink in i had a problem thats when i couldnt go back. I did workout vids for awhile and made them shorter and shorter each time til they were 25 min long which made it okay in my mind. Yet i knew i still wasn’t doing it for the right reasons, I never was doing exercise because I enjoyed it. That’s when i took about 2 months off which were horrifying to me and just did outdoorsy adventures like hiking and biking, which made me enjoy it again.. I then dabbled into running and could only run 2-3 miles at the time for awhile but i enjoyed that distance! I really love doing long distance because of the sense of accomplishment and i love how i clear my head etc (uno what im talking about !) but i really can’t find a balance with eating a running that much yet.. I find I get so hungry which is obv and I eat and eat but then i get that trigger that its a binge and sets me off sometimes..never wanna do that stuff again! So rejoining the gym has been a blessing now because I am finding other stuff I enjoy to do there and really feel at peace with it. Hopefully too I find that balance with running long distance and food til then I keep it to a shorter distance! Sorry for being so wordyy ! lol enjoy your vday ! get some good wine thats what im doing
#singleforlife
I am so happy you shared this with me. I wanted to make sure that in my post I did mention that exercise is different for everyone in recovery and it sometimes it just can’t be in the forefront. It just can’t. I have never joined a gym and probably won’t because it almost is that idea that I have to go rather than being there for a resource. I think the break you took was similar to mine, it is about finding that happy balance. You are one strong lady and I am so happy to have met you through our blogs
Alex, thanks for your willingness to share your story, and hopefully to help other girls not have to go through that experience. Our society is sometimes so backwards in what and how it teaches us to be, so I appreciate your honesty and openness in this. You’re a very strong person.
It is so true, our society can be backwards at times and send a very unrealistic message to others. I think that is why sharing my story helps my recovery as well as informs others.
This is an amazing post Alex. Thank you for being so open and honest about a tough topic. I have really strong feelings about eating disorders & exercise addictions but haven’t been brave enough to write about it. I’m much better now but in the past I had very disordered eating habits (not a diagnosed eating disorder but very unhealthy habits). Now I just have to be very cognizant of my eating and exercising and recognize any of my old habits that start to creep back up. I’m so happy that you’re doing well; I know it wasn’t an easy road. xoxoxo – Gina
The self awareness is the trickiest part. You really have to find where exercise can fit in with recovery because for some, it has to take a huge backseat. and for me it did for a while, but that space is what I needed more than anything at the time. Thank you for being honest about your past and about how far you have grown.
Love, love, love that you posted this! You know important this topic is to me, so I’m so happy to see another blogger acknowledging it.
And you know how I feel about the issue you mention about bloggers – promoting an unhealthy, restrictive relationship with food and exercise, and having it come off to readers as desirable and normal. People read them and want to BE them. So.frustrating.
And I’m happy for you that running was a possibility for you in recovery. It’s evident how much you love it, so it’s awesome that you can continue to do so. Exercise in recovery is different for everyone…I could still work out, I just had to tone it down a little (I was definitely an avid exerciser with my ED, but it wasn’t extreme. I just had to get past my barrier that stated that I HAD to get in some sort of exercise everyday, even if it was walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes). Running seems to be your ‘happy place’ so I’m glad that you still get to enjoy it.
Sam, I am still grateful that I found your blog. You are real, you are true and you are a face of recovery that I hope others see for inspiration. I know you have inspired me in many ways. I think you are right, exercise is different for everyone in recovery which is why I knew I needed to talk about all types of examples. I just have to thank you for always being that person I can turn to for support
Thank you for sharing!!! Like you, I struggled with knowing how to integrate running back in after getting out of treatment. It’s tricky and I have to monitor my intentions, but I truly think it’s possible. I love the quote you included about having the rest of your life be the best of your life. I feel the same and am so grateful to have found you on this journey.
Thank you lady, it really is such a personal road back to any form of exercise. using supports and really digging deep at the intentions is what sets it up for success
I love your story. My ED was all about “exercise bulimia” if you really want to get into the details of it and it became an unhealthy addiction for me. HOWEVER, once they cut me off from it altogether, my mental state got much, much worse. Finally I went to a nutritionist that allowed me to do small, light exercises and I began slowly getting better. It wasn’t until I was on my own running as much as I wanted again that I was able to put on the weight. I didn’t want to, either, but because I chose to increase my mileage, my appetite picked up and that’s what caused me to gain the weight I needed. None of this “Oh I need to eat all veggies and fruits with my meals” crap. No. I was eating milkshakes and cookies to fill me up post-run and that’s how I got healthy. Now running is my rock that keeps me stable. I will admit that from time to time I get obsessive about the number of miles, but it’s no longer about the calories burned so much as it is about that stupid number. I’m learning every day though and I know it is important to my mental state that I’m allowed to run.
Ok enough about me. I think everyone is different in recovery but this post is just wow. I want to read Laura’s book! It sounds really interesting and how cool that you got to talk to her!
I was pretty lucky I got to talk to her, I mean she is 23 and published her own book. that is a wow for me. I think it is different for everyone on how they find their road back to exercise in recovery. I had to be fully weight restored before even light exercise was considered but I was terrified of it. Just terrified, I didn’t want that obsessive nature or that constant mind thought. I wanted the peace I had in running like I did in ninth grade. I am glad you are still working on this for you and still trying to strike that balance.
I think it’s great that you are helping spread awareness and showing how strong you have become! I think it’s helpful for everyone, ED or not, to know the signs and how to be healthy and you do a great job sharing that!
Thanks laurie, that is what I wanted to get across so I am happy that is what you found when you read this post . Struggle or not, finding that balance is hard
Once again-thank you for being so honest! Awareness is key when it comes to eating disorders. I see the same things your talking about in some blogs I read, and it does make me very uncomfortable.
It is touchy ground because you can’t really address it because in reality it is hard to see the full picture. however, deep down you know it isn’t right and it feels wrong. I just hope awareness keeps happening.
Girly, it’s your blog and you’re 100% entitled to post as many long rants as you’d like, but especially if it’s dear to your heart. I do think running as a sport can sometimes not be healthy for people and I can see why it’s difficult when recovering from an ED. Lots of people don’t realize just how much TLC you have to give your body, or you will end up injured. And of course, at the age you were, graduating high school and going off to college is a stressful time of life anyway- exciting but stressful.
I’m super glad you found a way to continue what you love post ED, but also good that some of those you were in treatment with are still active and healthy, even if it’s not the sport they did before. I’m a runner now but I’ve known a lot of people to branch out and do other things for awhile too, nothing wrong with changing if it’s what is right for you.
I think I am slowly realizing that this type of awareness is close to my heart and something I really like to post about. I know exercise and movement after treatment is all about finding what works for you, sometimes running isn’t in just that.
I <3 your openness and honesty! Awareness is so important–and yes, especially in the blogging community, because it IS so easy to see people get carried away with "healthy" eating, to see only the glorification of eating just veggies for every meal, working out 2+ hours a day, etc. It should always be about balance, and I'm so glad you're finding yours!
Yes, balance if anything is what I like to keep working on and encouraging. Thank you for your amazing support
Keep up these awesome posts girl!
Thanks Alex!
I’m really glad that you were able to make running a healthy activity for you again. I’m even more glad that this is your second year in recovery. One of the things I love best about you is that you call people out on your bullshit. I really appreciate when you do it to me, because it gives me a huge reality check! I also love how you’re not afraid to voice your own opinion. You know a hell of a lot more about eating disorders than a lot of people do. I know that you know what you’re talking about, so I really love reading every single post you write.
Aw thanks Allison, I think if anything it just takes time. It takes not being afraid to call your own bullshit out which I know I need to do to myself a lot. No one is perfect and we all have some past we need to move from.
thank you for posting this!! happy valentines day to you love!!
Thanks Kaitlin, your post was adorable. I couldn’t get enough of it.
Your story is very empowering, and I find your openness about it inspiring! I’m still searching to find that balance between healthy eating, exercise, and being able to indulge once in a while without tremendous guilt. Ive gained a lot of weight since I started working full time, and I’m trying to get back to a place where I was happy with myself and my body without overexercising or never enjoying dessert. Your story helps keep me grounded in my method of being able to enjoy food and fitness in a healthy, non obsessive way, while learning its okay to enjoy life!
It is a tough balance to strike for sure but I think you are starting to realize those feeling and emotions that are bringing you closer to a healthy mindset. Our minds can play crazy games with us, it really can but I am proud of this awareness you have about yourself
Beautiful way to spread the word, alex. I’m glad you’ve been able to find the balance that allowed you to return to something you loved.
I really do hope that people can read my story and find a way to spread the awareness. It took time but time but all worth it
It’s amazing to see how far you have come from that. So happy that you are healthy now!! I am proud of you! Hope you have a great day today!!
Aw thank you lady, that really means a lot. I am happy I was able to find a healthy place for running in my life
This was an awesome post, Alex. I love how honest you are and passionate about spreading the word. Happy V Day!
Thank you Alysha and happy Vday to you!
Love it. I so agree with what you said on the whole “under-eating praise” that goes on in the blogging world. It’s heart-breaking and hard to read. Thanks so much for sharing both of these stories- they were so beautifully written. Have a good day, girl!
it is heart breaking and I still have trouble dealing with how the best way is to handle it. Truth it, they have to find their own path and their own journey. hard to watch but has to happen
Great post! I think it’s important to talk about things like this that are close and important to you. I think it’s awesome you got to sit and chat with Laura too, and her book looks great!
I can’t wait to finish reading it, i am soaking it up!
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I can handle a lot of the goofiness that I see in the blog world, but like you, I just can’t deal with people who promote behaviours as healthy when they’re clearly not – that shit just don’t fly. I wish more people would realize that there’s no shame in admitting that you’re struggling, as long as you’re being honest. I think the problem is that they’re not willing to admit that they’re struggling because they’re not ready to change their behaviour… so they smile and pretend everything is alright, when clearly it’s not. It drives me nuts, but I can’t hate on it too much because I was there once too. Recovery is such a blessing, while living a life of disordered denial is hell. Calling it out doesn’t do much good, so all we can really do is offer our thoughts and prayers for those people.
Disordered denial was freaking hell. I get that and I get what you are saying about calling it out doesn’t help all the time. All I know is, there are going to be those girls out there but having girls like you out there as well gives me a whole lot of hope. a whole lot of hope
Alex, I’m so glad you posted this. I actually did NOT know it was National Eating Disorders Awareness week, so for that reason alone I’m glad you brought it up because I think that’s something that could definitely use some more awareness to take away the stigma that surrounds it. I always appreciate you sharing your story because I think that both takes a lot of bravery and shows how far you’ve come in your recovery — you’re no longer in a place of denial like you talked about earlier in this post, but rather are able to look at your past behaviors and say, “Yeah, I was doing x, and it wasn’t healthy at all, and it was me hiding the fact that I had a problem.” I think it’s great that you’ve gotten to that place, and I’m very proud of you <3
Aw thanks Bethany, I think while my journey for a while was a source of guilt I have finally come to terms with the past. I need to move on and grow from it and understand what I did at the time was not right but that is what propels me to keep trucking. Also knowing one day I could possibly break it down dance floor style with you keeps me truckin.
Love this, and love you. Only a few people in “real life” know about my struggle with an ED, though I’m sure many had thought I had one anyway.
While blogs seemed to have been a trigger for you, I think they not only allowed me to connect with girls struggling with the same things as me– and gave me an outlet so that I didn’t feel like the only one. But I also saw girls being balanced, healthy, eating more, and I wanted that. I do occasionally see blogs (one in particular, not naming any names though), where where stick thin girl(s) give “nutritional advice” (but aren’t nutritionists), to girls hungry for education on losing weight- and providing not so healthy/borderline disordered tips, and the girls eat it up, because they don’t know otherwise.
For me, running was about weight loss, eventually I did enjoy it to an extent, but it just became about the calorie burn. I’m no longer a runner. I hate it, and probably always did. But even when I saw an ED nutritionist, they never tried to take exercise away from me. Maybe because it wasn’t when I was at my worst with it. But finding a way to make it healthy again for me (i.e., not obsessive and draining) was critical, and helped me to see the benefit of weights instead of at least 60 minutes on the treadmill EVERY DAY (or else…). Dance even became difficult (I couldn’t concentrate and didn’t have the strength to control my body- and also was heavily involved in dance when my ED began, so I had to let that go until recently with baby steps. I’m really luck (I think?) as the effects of my ED were mostly mental (yeah, lucky me!), and despite losing my period for a year, I’m now in optimum health. I’m reminded of that when I step in the gym and remind myself I’m getting stronger now, not tearing myself down. It’s a good feeling.
Also, I apologize for the novels I leave in your comments (and everyone else’s sorry!). I’m not that long winded in person or professionally– unless it’s something I’m passionate about. Forgive me!
<3
I really do love your comments though and I soak up every single word of it. I agree, the blog world has connected me with individuals I am so happy to have met. Then there are those people giving advice when they should not be. it is tough when you are not in the right mindset to decipher which are the good and bad which is a big irking point for me. I am glad you worked hard to find that balance. Everyone has that journey that led them to find what worked for them and it seems like you have found the right step for you.
Thank you for posting this. I have many friends who are recovering or still suffering from eating disorders and it breaks my heart. I hope that reading stories like yours helps them to the road to recovery. My Valentine this year, Bentley the Goldendoodle, wants to wish you a happy Valentines day!
YYAYAYAYAY best valentine wish ever, now I am one happy girl. It is hard to see friends and close ones suffer, the best thing you can do is be there for when they are ready to let you in.
I really enjoyed reading this post and all of the comments that resulted. Like many of the other commenters have mentioned, you are brave for posting this– it’s always hard to post something truly personal and potentially painful on a blog but when you do it can be really rewarding.
Your sentences regarding some of the HLBs out there sums up my thoughts completely. There are days I just want to grab someone by the shoulders and shake sense into them but obviously I can’t and I’m not sure how much good it would do. When I start to feel like that, I find it best to just walk away from blogs for a bit and do me.
I’ve done my fair share of overexercising and under-fueling/not taking care of myself but I’ve been fortunate enough to not have to walk away from running for longer than a month. Like many others have said, exercise and what it means/symbolizes is very personal and should be dealt with on an individual basis. I’m proud of you for taking the necessary steps to get back to participating in something you love though!
Thank you so much for you sweet comment, it means so much to hear people being so open and honest with me when I share something so deep in my past. I think there are those blogs where a good shake is needed but then you have to remember we all have our journeys and all need to find that healthy ground. You are a rockstar and I so appreciate how far you have come!
Wait I thought awareness week wasn’t for 2 weeks?
Never mind that this is AWESOME! It really shows that everyone is an individual and that recovery is so different for everyone too. You know how much I am struggling to this day to figure out what I want in term of exercise and my ED. It is one of those humps I have yet to completely get over. Everyone has a different story and it is so important to hear the stories. Whether you have had an eating disorder or not, we all have a struggle that burdens us. What is so wonderful about recovery is that we who have done it are more aware of ourselves and our happiness and have the tools to live.
I think what I love about it though is that you are so aware it is a tricky ground for you and you work hard on it everyday. That is why I give you so much credit lady and I see the strength that you are using and building. Everyone has a different story you are right so I think sharing the different steps is a big first part of awareness.
hey
another loud & proud single right here – happy valentine’s day! ♥ thanks so much for sharing your journey & i’ll post on twitter right now to try to spread awareness.. hope you have a great day! 
Thanks Jessica, you can see I barely ever promote on twitter. Whoops bad blogger me. I hope you have a great single ladies day!
thank you so much for cluing me into that book! added it to my to-read for sure. do you think it would be triggering at all?
i too took a year off from reading blogs around the time i entered treatment. i actually stopped reading them a couple months before that, and i think that’s partially because i could tell that i was developing a problem because i’d read posts by girls with an ED that sounded eerily like my mindset. or i’d notice that more often than not i was eating less than people and that started to scare me. so i just decided to avoid the problem and stop reading blogs. i was hesitant to start reading them again after i’d entered recovery but eased into it and eventually ended up starting my own. i can now say the blog world has helped me in recovery a TON, but i do think that it’s hard to go back to certain pre-recovery habits/places like blog reading or like your friend said the gym without being tempted to overdo it. when i first started exercising again i was scared to death and only stuck with yoga or pilates. i was OK with that but now i feel like i’ve gotten into a place again where i’m too used to the high intensity stuff. i started doing one or two intense workouts a week and it snowballed from there. now i’ve got to go backwards and be ok with doing that yoga and pilates again. ongoing battle for sure. but thank you for bringing awareness on your blog so often and sharing your story.
No, I didn’t find this book triggering because it is not your typical ED book. I hope to do a review when I finish reading it, i am still making my way through it and want to it justice. This girl’s perspective is very refreshing and when I spoke to her I knew I would latch onto the book. She is only 23 which is even more remarkable.
Everyone has a different experience with blogging and exercise post recovery. It is all about finding what works for you. I can see you have come so far and I am proud of you for that.
This is a great post lady, and Im glad you shared it with us. This topic is obviously close to my heart as well, and I do feel that as health bloggers we are held to a higher standard. We NEED AND SHOULD be fighting to show young women and girls that being HEALTHY is important, not being thin, running a marathon, or any of the other things that some blogs are so focused on. BUT, to each his own. I cant judge their story and how they choose to go about it you know?!
That is why I struggle when I try to touch on this subject because you are right, it is their choice what they do. I honestly believe that many are too deep in denial to recognize what they are doing. I wish there was a clear cut way to address it.
Thanks for posting this Alex! It’s a great post. I totally understand this topic and it makes me cringe sometimes when I see people promoting unhealthy behaviors. I wonder if they don’t see it themselves? Are they unaware and someone should bring it up for them? I never at all mind if someone has an opinion on what I’m saying because I never want anyone to come across my blog and get triggered so I always appreciate constructive criticism. Sometimes I think calling people out can be good, if they are willing to accept criticism but if not it can just be annoying to watch destructive behaviors. Okay, just went on a little rant;)
Again, awesome post!!
You are right, it is actually such a tough ground to hit on. Because when is it ok and when is it just a waste of time, maybe a lesson they need to learn on their own? All good questions. I believe most who post it don’t know how disordered it is, maybe too entrenched in the disorder or in denial. Both cases, it is a sad point to be at and one I know I was at during my worst
Woman I am definitely glad you ended up posting this… in my opinion it’s the posts that you are reluctant to put out there because of their content, are the ones that are most powerful and meaningful! Clearly this is an excellent example. Saving this post in my “to-read” again file (yes I have one) I need to be reminded of such things at more vulnerable times
Tessa, I sure am glad you read this because I think it is probably something you can on some level relate to. I see your growth so much and yet we still all have those vulnerable times . use this as fuel for those moments.
get published … seriously your words are gold. it’s very helpful for ANYONE reading. hope you’re having a good day!
Haha maybe on day that would happen. I am so glad you get that from my words
I didn’t discover the healthy living blog world until well after I had entered recovery, pretty much around 2 years ago when I first started my blog. But I did find that it sent me back into a mini relapse last winter and spring and even though I’ve tried to limit the influence blogging has on my recovery, it hasn’t always been successful. I definitely fall into the comparison trap way too often so I think what you said about soaking up only the bad parts really is true, at least for me.
And the exercising in recovery thing seems to be a debated issue. I was in a daily gym class during my ED days and in early recovery I just did normal, light daily activity but again, around the time I discovered blogs is when I really stepped up the exercise. I get that there are certain dangers in working out daily without rest days and exercising when underweight but I just keep telling myself that I’m recovered, I’m not doing as much as some people, at least I’m fueling myself more than I was, etc. but it’s really just a way to keep engaging in those behaviors. So it’s a hard thing to break, especially if it’s become an ingrained habit.
I hope you start to unpack all those behaviors and emotions.I think it is a tough road to find that balance but it is possible. I believe that you can do it and I think the comparison thing maybe something to look at more closely
I said my thoughts on this post already, but feel the need to remind you that you are absolutely amazing. I’ve been honored to call you my blend, but now you’re much more than that friend. XO
Oh you are much more than a blend and friend, you are a big inspiration to me so never doubt all that you share with the world
Thank you for sharing your story AND lauras story Alex! Both offer such great insight and perspective. I give you so much credit for really taking recovery into your own hands after treatment and being cautious with getting back to your normal activities. Not pushing it and taking time your time probably did so much to ensure your recovery stuck and I really respect that. You are a great role model and example for many during NEDA week…I hope a lot of people visit your blog for some inspiration!
I think while everyone has an individual story it is good to share my story because there are parts that people who have gone through the same thing can relate to. It is all about finding that balance and really what matters in life – health over any sort of exercise is first. I finally realized that and devoted myself to what it took
All I have to say is this is probably one of you best posts Alex. Thank you SO much for sharing this.
Wow thank you so much that means a lot.
Wow, my little angel, Alex! This is an amazing post. Thank you for being so open and honest about all of it.
Putting the exercise issue aside which you talked so well about; I want to compliment you on blogging thing too. Internet and blog world is a dangerous place to be while coming out of ed. Also blogging and setting yourself as an example of a person who is in recovery requires responsibility for every message you are sending out there. I’m glad you see this so well. You are a true inspiration, hun!
Thank you Greta, I so get what you say how dangerous the internet can be in recovery and worse when you are deep in ed. I think it is a ground you have to trek carefully.
Pandora is the beeeest! I’ve been listening to a lot of Ke$ha radio lately!
Pandora saves my work days for sure
Thank you for sharing this Alex, and thank your for always being so open and honest. I know that you are going to touch so many lives through sharing your story! I’m so proud of how far you have come!!!
Thank you Brittany, that is exactly what I hope to do. I know sharing my story really helps me process my thoughts and see how far I have come
Love love love! I love that Mumford & Sons song and the Iron & Wine one too. I am going to have to try out the quest bars because everyone is raving about them. Hope you are having an awesome weekend!
They are so good, I hope you get to try them. Have a great weekend.
Alex, I love this post so much. Literally, the way you talk about this topic so candidly makes me cry. <3. In a good way though, because sometimes I need to cry. It makes me so sad to think of all the people right now who suffer from this and any other demons. Because I know what that feels like and it's no good.
So I'll take your challenge for National Eating Disorder Awareness week by sharing more of my story on my blog. I'm going to put up a static page about recovery. I'll start writing it after I leave this comment.
. I've been profoundly positively impacted by your blog along with Sloane's blog Strength in Freedom and Sam's blog Better With Sprinkles. As in you have all helped me eat more and gain weight that I obviously needed. <3
Wow! I loved reading about your experience with running. I felt like I got to know the Alex behind the blog! Thanks for being you every day and thanks for your blog!
Wow thank you Austin, awareness is a huge part of why I started a blog and something I still strive to reach out for. I am so thankful to have met people like you through this small blog world