(After a no good very bad day, I needed a new day. Welcome Tuesday)
Normal.
N (not) O (only) R (right) M (more) A (about) L (living)
Hey, I am not creative but I am all about acronyms. Normal has meant so many things to me over the years of my ED. Normal, however, has always been something I have told myself to strive for in the past. If you were just normal, if you could just eat normally, if you could just act normal, if your brain just functioned normally, if you were just normal.
But I never really understood or even knew what normal was. In high school, normal was being exactly like those track girls who ate healthier snacks and put their time into training. In college, it was about being super aware of calories consumed, what I looked like and how I exercised. Each year there were little tweeks to normal, but normal was always based on outside expectations. Normal became a definition defined by someone else. What I didn’t understand and I what I struggled with was trying to figure out why my mind would not let things go like other’s did. How could people just eat that without freaking out? How could people only do x and feel ok? How could people wear that and be comfortable? By feeling so out of the norm, I hyper focused on what I thought could bring me closer to that norm. In that case, it was ED behaviors. Sad part was, it brought me farther from normal and there began the never ending cycle.
Looking at that now, no wonder I had no idea who I was. When I started striving for normal, I started to define myself by others. When I entered treatment, I remember sitting down with the therapist and asking why me? Why can’t I just be normal and not be put in a place like this struggling at such a high degree? Why can’t I just be normal? What I was expecting was for her to go all scientific on me and say, well your brain is just different, you had different life experiences, or worse that I wasn’t even close to hitting normal. Instead, she threw it right back at me and asked well what is this normal you talk about? I sat there, stared at her and honestly had no idea. I could tell you who I thought was normal but didn’t know what normal meant.
I think over the past year or so of recovery, I began to realize that normal is about living. We all, I still do, get skewed on what normal is. The blog world, as much as I love it, is not almost the most ‘normal’ when it comes to behaviors or actions. It just isn’t. Normal can’t be described by things that it is or things that it is not. Normal is life without manipulation, life without an over concentration on one part over the other. Normal is about living life being genuine to who you really are.
This was all brought on by a little chat with a friend. Sometimes we all need those reality checks, those reminders that what we may feel is normal is not – and worse off, striving for that normal will get us absolutely no where.
As I said, I no longer strive for normal. I strive for life.
Question: How would you describe normal?
I don’t know if there is such a thing as normal, actually. I was thinking along those exact same lines in my post today. Looking at my roommate, I’m always amazed that she’ll just eat when she’s hungry without a care in the world, and if she’s not hungry during “meal times,” she just won’t eat. I guess that’s what I view as normal, but in reality, it’s not, since so few people are actually able to do that. Maybe instead of striving for normal, we should just start striving to be the best WE can be. Thanks for putting this all out there, girl. You always bring such thought-provoking topics to the table.
i couldn’t agree more with that, I always looked at others and thought man it is so easy for them, they just do it. however, now I know that really no one is normal, it is just who they are and the best they can be. i am so glad you got something from this post
I don’t think “normal” exists at all. I think every single person wishes they were more “normal” in certain ways, but you are so right that it is impossible to pinpoint? I also say to hell with that because if this “normal” thing does exist, it is boring and not unique! We are all so different in every way and that’s what makes you you. I love how you say you strive for life, rather than being normal, and that is something everyone should do. Keep bring you girl because you are awesome.
I need to keep reminding myself to just be me and not get caught up in all the formalities of being what others expect or want me to be. it is surely easier said than done
While I personally don’t believe that normal is a concrete term, I do believe in “normalizing” and drawing closer to an “average”. ED behaviours are aberrant in the way that we accept behaviours that are self-destructive as our “normal”, we accept our thoughts as “normal” because they are our norm. And yet, they are nowhere close to healthy. However, we, with these thoughts and behaviours, are on the outer edges of a wide spectrum of health, the way that the morbidly obese are on the polar opposite end. I believe that bringing ourselves to normalize, meaning edging forward to the centre of the curve, is what we should strive towards.
The blogging world creates it’s own norms (WIAW anyone?) that are by no means normal to the average citizen. And I think that we need to keep that in mind. Even if you are a norm in this community, this community is still not in the centre of that curve. Closer to the centre, perhaps, but it has a wide range and is still slightly askew. I think that if you were to find the person the most “normal” or “average” in the world (based on a computer generated model because that’s the only way you’d find it), they would not be blogging.
I think also that your struggle with normal (and mine) is strong because we struggle to define who we are, period. We are unsure of ourselves, so we look to others for cues on how to act with hope that we will find ourselves in their definitions of happiness. The problem is, we can only see them on the surface. Lately, I’ve been looking at many different models of behaviour, and am finally starting to figure out what traits I like and which I don’t.
I really like this idea of freedom, stepping out of thoughts of others and into ourselves. I fully believe you capable and hope you continue to define who YOU are with regards to you and not in relation to others.
You are unique, and that is a good thing.
Gosh I love the way you describe this and couldn’t agree more. there are norms that are built in many aspects of our lives, including the little blogging world we have here. it is tough to think that some norms are more widely accepted but even harder to find which ones actually fit who you are without that manipulation. You always know how to make me think!
Alex, you’re so thought-provoking and I love it, seriously awesome! I also think Chelsie nailed it and love what she said about normalizing… I don’t think that there is any definition of what normal is, despite striving for “it” for many years. Then again, does that mean there isn’t a definition of crazy either?
XO
I really do agree with her comment and glad you got that from her comment as well.
being normal seems like it would be boring. we all have our own unique features, our own defining personality traits, that allow us to define ourselves and set ourselves apart from everyone else. if each and every person was normal, we would all be SO boring. you being you is what makes you so wonderful, not you being like anyone else. i’m glad i’m not normal. i’m glad you’re not normal. otherwise, we’d just be the same. xoxo
that is a great way to look at it. it makes me sad because there was a time in my life where I wanted to be anything but normal. i was so happy with my unique self yet somewhere along the lines I lost it.
I think trying to define normal automatically puts us in the “comparison” mode. This always brings me to a negative place. I want to just be ok with who I am and not worry about who sets the curve. I believe that we are all different for unique (very cool) reasons.
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You are so right, it does put us in the comparison mode. I would do anything to just be ok with where and who i am.
I always define normal as boring. I’ve always seen it as a fearful, mundane, routine, cookie cutter state of being. I like the way you define it though. It is much nicer!
I don’t think you need to aim for normality, you’re a star, aim higher! 
What a good way to put it, aim higher. Oh look at that, back to my attitude of aim smaller… see a full circle over here. thank you for the eye opener
I have lost track of the number of times I asked myself those very same questions over the past few years. I’ve also been incredibly jealous of “normal” people, wishing I could eat and wear and do what they do as thoughtlessly as they seemingly did. Now I’m coming to realize a few things, the biggest of which is that I’m not “normal” by society’s standards and have no desire to be since that’s not me. I’m also starting to wonder if “normal” really exists…just because it seems like many other people can eat/think/do what they’re “supposed to” or do it without thinking doesn’t mean it’s easy. We all have our own struggles and history and reality…what’s “normal” for me seems crazy to someone else and vice versa…so does normal really exist then? Who knows, but I’m glad that you’re striving for life now. I’m doing the same and having a whole hell of a lot more fun…and feeling more like me than I have in years <3
this is so true and something I constantly remind myself, while I may think that they are so normal and so easy in everything they do, they may have battles I do not see. we all have our demons whether they be food or something else
I personally don’t think there is anything normal. I honestly think once you start to become an athlete that needs to concern themselves with food. Weather it’s because you don’t want to vom before/after/during a race that you start thinking about food. I was talking to a top 15 collegiate runner (male by the way) and he says he doesn’t care about gaining weight. He knows he won’t…blah blah blah. But what he does care about is everything and anything food related and how it will effect his performance. So with that, I don’t think it’s every really feasible to not think about food and just eat random crap when you are a remarkable athlete (such as yourself).
This is really cool to hear and I have to agree, you talk to guys and professional athletes and they see food as fuel – that and that alone. I think it is freeing to think of what food can do to me as an athlete rather than the distorted views of food. that is how I need and always will see it now
I really agree with this – I was reminded (in a very blunt way) that if I am going to train like an athlete I NEED to focus on this and concern myself. I’m not a casual runner only doing 2-3 miles a day. For me, normal is not focusing on carbs, fats and calories to maximize performance.
I mean to say normal is haha typo (story of my life…)
True true true
Normal is challenging for anyone to find, especially in the HLB environment. What happens here is not considered normal to other people! I don’t really think normal exists when it comes to food and exercise…for some people normal is eating McD’s daily and sitting on the couch, for others it’s attempting to eat veggies and hit the gym a few times a week, and then for others it’s eating super high protein and working out to gain muscle mass. And of course, for some people normal is to not think about food or exercise at all. It’s definitely a relative term.
Very true, a relative term indeed. i think the less time I try to define and strive for it, the happier I am.
Awesome awesome post! As you know, I’ve struggled with this EXACT same thing! The thoughts and all. I think normal is different for everyone. I think finding a place where you accept who you are, know your strengths and weaknesses, and then accept them and try to improve when you can is all anyone can really strive for!
I love the way you put it, it really is all about acceptance, just letting life run its course without trying to mess with it
I also don’t think there’s anything “normal”. I mean, there’s a normal Standard American Diet (SAD… another acronym for ya) but that’s a diet of fast, mostly convenience and unhealthy foods. By the standards of most American diets, not eating fast food isn’t normal, but we all know that it is perfectly healthy. Plus, with the various eating styles out there- vegetarian, vegan, gluten free, dairy free, paleo, etc… that blurs the lines even more.
But… I think it’s cool to be able to let loose and just do what you want sometimes (provided you’re not allergic to the food). I mean, it’s totally not “normal” for me to go out for ice cream- that’s not something I do every week, but it wouldn’t be healthy for me to turn down a trip with friends to stay at home and not socialize just to avoid the food.
Very true, I think normal is going with the flow and letting your body guide what you want I hope you continue to enjoy times with friends – oh and ice cream included.
I gave up trying to define normal a long time ago. Human beings were made to be unique so I don’t think there is a certain standard for “normal”. For me, things are normal when I feel in tune with my life, body, and emotions. All I can do is take care of me!
Ah that is so refreshing to hear, in tune with your life is something I continue to want and strive for
Couldn’t have put it any better..”Normal is about living life being genuine to who you really are.” So true! Everyone’s normal is different, as long as yours makes you healthy and happy, then it’s perfectly normal and wonderful
Exactly! I am glad you can relate to this
wow, what a great post – you’re so right. and i think trying to figure out what “normal” is gets more blurry and confusing the older you get (at least it does for me)… when you’re younger things seem more black and white, and then as you get older all the gray areas keep adding up until ‘keeping up with the joneses’ gets so confusing you feel like you’re spinning in circles! so happy you’re framing “normal” in such a healthy, self-dependent way!
the gray area is something you totally learn about when you are older, when you are younger it just seems to easy to go with the flow. I guess that gray area though is where you can learn more about yourself and how you work
you’re def right.. i still struggle with the gray :/ i like everything black and white – so that’s something i’ve been trying to work on!
i no what you mean trying to define normal but your definition is def the best ! i would nottt no how people could go out and eat a not so healthy dinner without going home and wanting to eat the house and i just always said one day ill be “normal” and not want to do that .. im glad i rarely do that anymore but i would still not consider any of it to be normal in my eyes its just how i am.. normal is used in such a big term and used in so many different ways that its hard to classify and im glad you have come to realize its a sucky way of how we perceived normal and finally seeing it the way we want !
Learning what is normal for us is totally a process,i think I still am trying to decipher it for myself but in all it is just about letting your body have what it wants and accepting who you are
I think of normal in a pretty similar way — normal is focusing on every aspect of your life, making it all balanced and happy!
that is a great way to put it!
there is no such thing as normal, its individuality!
Perfectly said!
Such an honest post. I truely believe there is no normal! Everyone has their own version of normal.
Good point, that really is true
Oh lordy, how I’m battled with trying to be “normal”. Fight to be “normal” is so closely tied with comparing yourself to others (which is something I try desperately not to do). The second I try and be like others and doubt myself, I start going down a destructive path filled with ED fueled thoughts. AKA, not good. So for me, I try and remember that normal should mean what’s right for ME, not what’s right for others.
that is such a good point, I couldn’t agree more. every time I strive for what others are, I get wrapped in ED thoughts and ways
What is normal,actually?
We’re all different; all unique. There is no norm on this earth because we all have our flaws; we all have our strength and weaknesses…
I am who I am,you are who you are. Not normal – just you.
Love that Kat, you are always so insightful.
Oh man, where do you even begin on this subject. I agree on every point and it’s difficult to make “normal” the same for all of us. I am struggling with that in terms of what being social means. Is it bad to focus on my homework and want to watch Downton Abbey rather than go out and party midweek? If I don’t do that, will I be missing some part of college?
I think you have your head on straight and I would like to consider whatever makes you happy, normal and OK!
i was the same way in college and still am. I strive for that balance of pushing myself to try new things but respecting who I am deep down
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I love this post, Alex. I think it’s such an important distinction between who we think is normal, and what we think is normal. When I read that, something clicked in me and I could completely identify with that sentiment. I too could name “normal” people, but when it came to defining normal, I was a total hypocrite. You’re seriously a stunning, smart, and hilarious woman and I’m so glad to have met you through the blog world! Have a great day! I’m here for you!
I can’t agree more with all of this Alex and I am so glad you can relate. I see we are so similar in many of our pasts and thoughts and I still know every time I read your blog I am inspired. You have so much strength!
Great post! Reality checks are so important, I agree. You ask a great question- what is my normal? You know, I can honestly answer that I don’t know. I feel like when we are in our 20s, we are constantly changing and a lot of things just aren’t normal or the same because of everything happening. It’s exciting but sometimes stressful! I would say that working out and eating healthy are my normal.
Reality checks are so needed sometimes, especially when we get in our head too much. Never fun. The 20s are a year of constantly looking and trying to find new ways to adapt
I think something important to remember is not only that maybe no one really fits a definition of normal, but that everyone has his or her own demons. For you, and me, and–can we just be real for a moment?–everyone in HLBlogland, our demons tend to be related to food or body image. Whether we’re obsessed with eating “clean” or detoxing or not eating this or that or the next thing or not having fat here or there or gaining more muscle tone in this part of our bodies or the next, all of us are more focused on food and fitness than your average person, and I think we’re all focused on that because in some way, shape, or form, that tends to be our mental demon. Even if you’re recovering from an ED and are working towards finding balance and health, it was still a demon you battled and will probably continue to battle for quite some time.
But just because not everyone is an HLBlogger doesn’t mean they don’t have their own mental demons. Maybe the people around are hyperaware of what food they put in their bodies, but there are other people out there struggling just as much with other things. I have absolutely no trouble going to a bar and getting a drink (as long as it doesn’t taste like alcohol haha…I hate how alcohol tastes), but an alcoholic can’t do that. An alcoholic would look at me sipping on my amaretto sour without a care in the world and think, “How can she do that? How can she be fine with just one drink? How can she be fine drinking it so. painfully. slowly. that there’s no way she’ll even feel the tiniest bit buzzed after this, never mind drunk?” The thing about mental demons is that we don’t normally talk about them. We like to hang onto them and keep them as our dirty little secret so no one has to know that we don’t have our sh*t together, because can you imagine anything worse than someone knowing that you’re not perfect, not all put together, not everything you’re constantly told you need to be (sarcasm button firmly engaged for all of that)? We live in a world where honesty is not valued, where it’s critical to seem like you have everything under control, where YOUR problems are YOUR problems, and heaven forbid you let anyone know you have problems, lest you shatter their perception of you. But the thing is, we all have problems. We all have demons, and I think we’d all be a lot better off if we would just be open about that with each other and be like, “Hey. Fill-in-the-blank is really hard for me, and while it might not be the same what’s hard for you, I want you to know that on some level, I get what it’s like to struggle with things and I’m here for you because I get it in some way.” It takes a helluva lot of courage to say that, and that’s one of the reasons why I respect you so much. You don’t hide your “dirty little secret.” Far from it. You broadcast it for the whole world online, and I admire you so much for that. We could all benefit from that kind of honesty, because I don’t know about you, but I don’t think there’s much that’s helped me more when I’ve struggled with my own demons than knowing there’s someone out there who gets it and can hear me and understand me.
Yet again you got some kick ass insight girl. I agree, demons are hidden in everyone which makes it that much harder to not get caught up in our own and get in our own worlds of ‘man I am the only one struggling’. oh so false and something I force myself to be reminded of over and over. Thank you so much for putting all this out there.
Your ending sentence is perfect. There is no normal in my opinion, which is what makes the world so interesting.
Very very true.
I agree…love the ending sentence. Normal is overrated. I like being weird and quirky and my own self a little bit better.
I am loving this comfort you have, something I strive for
“I no longer strive for normal. I strive for life” <— that right there is why I love you. I honestly don't believe that normal even exists. The idea that there's one set way to be that everyone has to conform to just absurd. We're all so different, and the most important thing, like you already said, is to figure out what works for us individually and screw the rest. It's definitely not an easy thing to do, but it sure is one of the most rewarding.
I think it is tough to just let me shine through, who knew when I lost that confidence but I remember being young and wanting to be that crazy unique girl. i think it is all about coming back to that bottom line of acceptance
Thanks for this insightful post Alex, and I love your acronym. It is funny how the outside perceptions are the definition of normal for so many. I remember I first started feeling self conscious about my body as a senior in high school because I became friends with a group of girls who (while I love them) did a lot of “fat talk”. I literally started LOOKING for flaws so I could join in with this! Before that I never even thought about my body and was fine with it. Until something on the outside told me I shouldn’t be OK with it, and I felt strange for not having negatives to talk about. I think normal should be what comes naturally to us, organically, truthfully from our personalities and passions. But then you get down to the nature vs nurture debate – how much of the personality and passion in each of us comes from within, and how much comes from the outside? Oh I could go on forever. But each person’s normal I think should lead to happiness. When your norms are making you sad, depriving you, something needs to change. They aren’t true to YOU.
Yes! I couldn’t relate more, I too found like I was looking outside when I really wanted to discover what was inside. Now I am just working on trying to find what makes sense for me.
This is really a great post girl. I really enjoyed your thoughts!
Thank you!
Oh my gosh Alex, you hit the nail on the head. When I was trying to be normal, it was just the normal I thought everyone else used. I wasn’t being me at all. Everyone is different. Normal is relative. You are awesome! And honestly, I wouldn’t read your blog if you were normal because it wouldn’t be exciting!
Aw thank you Maren! I have to agree, when I strove to be what I thought was normal I was more unhappy and lost!
friends are the best for reality checks, even when you don’t want to hear them.
so so true, I am grateful for them for that reason.
Strive for who you are–your life. Go, girl
I hope I can continue to follow that!
Normal is boring!
But seriously, I think normal is different for everyone and depends on your lifestyle. It shouldn’t take away from health – and I’m not just talking about food and fitness, but spiritual and mental health. I always associated normal living with a sense of calmness and doing what is best and right for you. Not looking to see what others are doing because sometimes those people you strive to be or look up too have a lot of stuff they are hiding.
PS – SO agree about blog world
Gosh I love that perspective, it is refreshing to hear the spiritual and mental health aspect you rope into it. The calmness with oneself is really what normal means for you.
Wow, what a thought provoking post.
)
Although it sounds really cheesy, I think that everyone is simply an individual. One may fit into a “class” of people or a stereotype. There may be bigger groups of people than others. But I truly just think that everyone is unique in their own interests, their experiences, the ways that they think, how they handle situations, etc.
I find that I think of this a lot lately. I’m still making my way through high school and have told very few people about my blog, because I feel like healthy living blogging is something you don’t fully understand unless you blog or stalk these blogs (which often results in getting one for yourself
I feel in the norm in the blogging world, but so out of the norm everywhere else.
Everyone’s experiences and interests make them unique. I can totally relate to wanting to fit into “normal” with eating, exercising, thinking, etc. Maybe there isn’t one, though!
Anyway. Have a happy tuesday, girl. Thanks for making me think
This is so well put Abby and I am loving your insight into it. I like how you describe groups of people but still it is the uniqueness of each individual tha tmakes it worth it. I hope you have a great night!
good question! i think everyone has their own “normal,” so really, acting normal is just acting like your natural self and not trying to seem one way or the other. But who knows!
Normal = Natural self, you are so right.
Is there such a thing as normal? I totally relate to watching others and evaluating their decisions. Let’s call it “people watching.” I guess we should strive to figure out what normal is for us as individuals, and then try to live it. Easier said than done, right?
People watching, I so do that. I know it is when I start comparing that it is bad news bears. So easier said than done.
I love this!! I don’t think anyone can say what “normal” is. I’m not normal… and I don’t want to be!
I love that approach and something I am trying to embrace
love your acronym. love your whole self, normal or not. obviously i’ve been feeling all this stuff. who the eff cares about being normal, i’d rather just be your buddy
as long as your are buddy then poof – the world is intact.
Normal just DOESN’T exist.. kind of like perfection DOESNT exist. We are WHO WE ARE. No one eats the exact same, no one work out the exact same. If that was the case, this world would be pretty boring.
Great post, as usual <3 <3
that is a great way to look at it, I need to remember that when I go on my comparing rampages.
WOW. I seriously think about this all the time. I think I my head, “normal” people have “real”, rational struggles. They worry about money, their kids, getting into college. They feel stressed, but live life and keep moving on. Their stress does not lead to maladaptive behavioural changes, “Non-normal” people deal with “irrational” or “crazy” thoughts and concerns like food, exercise, illness, losing those they love, obsessive tendencies. And, I know this does not make ANY sense, as EVERYONE struggles with irrational thoughts, obsessive tendencies etc, no matter where you fall on the mental health spectrum. I’m learning that more and more in recovery. I’m honestly in better shape mentally than half of the people I know. Others anxiety causes them to shut down, binge drink occasionally, not respect their bodies, do drugs- all things that you can live with and carry on your life participating in. An ED? Yaaaaaa… You are FORCED to deal with all your ‘stuff’ (you’ll die otherwise), and I believe in the end, that makes you more “normal” or at least more cognizant of your own idiosyncrasies than the majority of people. Really great post.
See that is something that really makes my head spin, sure we all have our stresses but what drives me to those maladaptive behaviors. I think re learning good coping mechanisms is what it is all about. I agree, mentally I feel more stable than just the average joe because of all I had to learn about myself and others in the healing process. I am glad you feel that way as well!
Wow, great post Alex! Normal is what you make it. Everyone’s “normal” is different. I started to realize that comparison really is the thief of joy, and when you stop comparing yourself to others, and just live in your own “normal” that is when you really do find peace.
You said it perfectly there ‘normal is when you live it on your own’ I love that!
Another great and honest post, Alex! I’m glad you finally found your own normal, it’s something many of us struggle with at some point in life. I realized pretty early on that I didn’t fit the “norm” in school and even though it took me a while to accept it, I eventually embraced it and love my quirks. In reality, a universal “normal” doesn’t exist – it it what we make it!
I am slowly learning to embrace my quirks.
great post … real and raw. as usual, love it! the only thing is I guess there is not such thing as normal. everyone’s different and if there’s a definite definition of normal then that would be boring. normal is who you are and not trying hard to be someone else. sometimes I lose sight of that.
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I kid you not, I started my blog with the intention of striving to find my unique normal. Because I know that normal is different for everyone. I mean does normal really even exist? Because there is always going to be someone out there that thinks “o that girl is weird” and there is always going to be someone that I think is weird while there will be others that I strive to be like because I think they are normal. I am slowly realizing that we are all different and all live our own “normal” lives. We all strive for the greener grass on the other side of the tracks but when we get there would be happy? I am not so sure, you can only be happy with yourself and the life and personality God so wonderfully designed for you
Yes yes yes, something that a friend always reminds me of is having anxiety over what I can’t control or who I am is like a slap to God, he created us for who we are perfect or not. Thanks for the great perspective lady!