Fake it till you make it. That has been my motto this past October. I am not too proud of it to say the least. For me, slapping on that smile and calling it a day never ends well. I am disappointed that October, the month I claimed to be my month, ended up being one of the rockiest.
Wednesday we ended up canceling the mentor session meaning I headed home around 6 pm. I took the long way home and walked for a good amount of time to clear my head. I think lately this overwhelming feeling of ‘not enough’ has consumed me. It is like I have this sour taste in my mouth all the time. I knew I was off when immediately as I got into work this morning I sent an epic email to my mom just spilling my guts, don’t even mention those texts to A revealing some unfinished dirt.
Sorry to go all ‘cry me a river’ on you. Humor is a huge coping mechanism for me, I know that. Sarcasm goes hand in hand. But when it comes down to it, I realize I need to buck up and look head on at what I want to happen. If every month ends with just another month going by, I wonder if this year will even be that bearable. Over dramatic queen right here.
I am super hesitant to write my intentions for November. But maybe I need it. Maybe I need some sort of swift kick in the rear to realize changing what isn’t working is possible and even more so, necessary.
- Plan, plan plan. Now that I have a set schedule at both jobs (BUILD: M 9-5, T 9-7, W 9-8, Th 9-8, F 9-5 and Running store M 6-8, Sa 12-7, Su 12-5) I can sit down each Sunday night and plan. That means when I will do errands if need be, workouts each morning and to dos for the week. Just this feeling of knowing what is ahead will help me day to day.
- Switch it up on the running front. So I have been tackling distances and times I never thought I could injury free. Now, I want more. I had such a sense of accomplishment after my treadmill interval run. I need more of that. I am now planning on doing one interval workout a week on that puppy, along with the outside ones of course. I also plan on adding in strength circuits thanks to the quickie 15-20 minute ones some fellow bloggers have thrown together.
- Embrace change food wise. I am in one massive, stuck in a hole rut. What ends up happening is I don’t get enough the first time or find things that I can afford and like. I honestly have been hating this cycle. Lesson learned, my health is the most important. I need to let go of that financial guilt and embrace what my body needs and craves. I know it is easy to say but will be hard to follow through. Hopefully this month I will finally have my head in the game. My stomach will hopefully thank me and respond kindly to this. Because right now it is not happy. NOT HAPPY.
- Keep calling love ones. I realize something so therapeutic for me is calling family members and friends as I walk outside. The combination of movement and talking is such a stress reliever.
- Ask for help. I am a lone range at heart. Always have been. But if there is something I have had hammered in my head the past year is that asking for help is essential to everyone. Whether this means in the moment at work of DTM, feeling overwhelmed with tasks or needing a little emotional pick me up – reach out. Something that I have had trouble realizing is that I don’t have to be knee deep in issues to ask for help. Help doesn’t have to mean I am going down a bad path or all of a sudden messing up royally. It can just mean I need a shoulder to cry on.
- Push myself out of my comfort zone. There are many ways this could happen. Going out to drinks with my running store co workers, going out to eat to a new place, going to a meet up event, etc. I have done nothing like this so far and the same old same old gets… well OLD.
Gosh I am all over the place today. I actually wrote, re wrote, deleted and recovered this post various times. Nothing is right about it. Woof. I am stepping away and forcing myself to hit publish. November here I come.
Questions: What is one of your November intentions?