Fake it till you make it. That has been my motto this past October. I am not too proud of it to say the least. For me, slapping on that smile and calling it a day never ends well. I am disappointed that October, the month I claimed to be my month, ended up being one of the rockiest.
Wednesday we ended up canceling the mentor session meaning I headed home around 6 pm. I took the long way home and walked for a good amount of time to clear my head. I think lately this overwhelming feeling of ‘not enough’ has consumed me. It is like I have this sour taste in my mouth all the time. I knew I was off when immediately as I got into work this morning I sent an epic email to my mom just spilling my guts, don’t even mention those texts to A revealing some unfinished dirt.
Sorry to go all ‘cry me a river’ on you. Humor is a huge coping mechanism for me, I know that. Sarcasm goes hand in hand. But when it comes down to it, I realize I need to buck up and look head on at what I want to happen. If every month ends with just another month going by, I wonder if this year will even be that bearable. Over dramatic queen right here. 
I am super hesitant to write my intentions for November. But maybe I need it. Maybe I need some sort of swift kick in the rear to realize changing what isn’t working is possible and even more so, necessary.
- Plan, plan plan. Now that I have a set schedule at both jobs (BUILD: M 9-5, T 9-7, W 9-8, Th 9-8, F 9-5 and Running store M 6-8, Sa 12-7, Su 12-5) I can sit down each Sunday night and plan. That means when I will do errands if need be, workouts each morning and to dos for the week. Just this feeling of knowing what is ahead will help me day to day.
- Switch it up on the running front. So I have been tackling distances and times I never thought I could injury free. Now, I want more. I had such a sense of accomplishment after my treadmill interval run. I need more of that. I am now planning on doing one interval workout a week on that puppy, along with the outside ones of course. I also plan on adding in strength circuits thanks to the quickie 15-20 minute ones some fellow bloggers have thrown together.
- Embrace change food wise. I am in one massive, stuck in a hole rut. What ends up happening is I don’t get enough the first time or find things that I can afford and like. I honestly have been hating this cycle. Lesson learned, my health is the most important. I need to let go of that financial guilt and embrace what my body needs and craves. I know it is easy to say but will be hard to follow through. Hopefully this month I will finally have my head in the game. My stomach will hopefully thank me and respond kindly to this. Because right now it is not happy. NOT HAPPY.
- Keep calling love ones. I realize something so therapeutic for me is calling family members and friends as I walk outside. The combination of movement and talking is such a stress reliever.
- Ask for help. I am a lone range at heart. Always have been. But if there is something I have had hammered in my head the past year is that asking for help is essential to everyone. Whether this means in the moment at work of DTM, feeling overwhelmed with tasks or needing a little emotional pick me up – reach out. Something that I have had trouble realizing is that I don’t have to be knee deep in issues to ask for help. Help doesn’t have to mean I am going down a bad path or all of a sudden messing up royally. It can just mean I need a shoulder to cry on.
- Push myself out of my comfort zone. There are many ways this could happen. Going out to drinks with my running store co workers, going out to eat to a new place, going to a meet up event, etc. I have done nothing like this so far and the same old same old gets… well OLD.
Gosh I am all over the place today. I actually wrote, re wrote, deleted and recovered this post various times. Nothing is right about it. Woof. I am stepping away and forcing myself to hit publish. November here I come.
Questions: What is one of your November intentions?
If you’re not happy, nothing else matters. But if you’re struggling to help keep yourself happy, where does that leave you? I understand completely where you’re coming from. And I’m not going to spout on about positive affirmations (think: SATC episode with Charlotte) because they can be super huge bullshit. But I think if you can find just one thing a day that really makes you smile, truly and genuinely, to your core, you’ll be on the right track. You’re looking at the big picture and it seems like you might be forgetting the small things? Just a little? It might have to do with your rut and your hesitation. Do something drastic, take power, take charge, do something to be really and truly proud of. You have so much power in you — use it to your advantage.
You know where to find me if you need to vent. Reading rambling email is one of my favourite hobbies.
i love what you just said, like I should frame it and carry it with me daily. those small reminders are what I need because I tend to just blow it all up and then wham. You are awesome, thank you thank you as always
Hang in there, Alex. You are truly a terrific person. I think all these intentions sound really great.
My new intention for November is to make new friends by inviting them over for dinner. I kicked it off tonight and it was really great! There are a lot of people who I’m friendly with and would like to get to know better. I was praying in church last Sunday and it came to me that if I want to make friends then it’s up to me to make an effort. I love cooking and bonding over meal times so dinner seemed like a good fit for me. It’s a little scary though because there is the possibility of rejection.
What a great goal for November, I love that interaction especially including them on something that you are so good at. I hope it all turns out as you want it to. Thank you as always for that very sweet compliment
Aww, thanks Alex!
How is it November already? I think I completely missed October… On that note- I hope to eat healthy this November, I hope to run and build lots of strength, I hope to keep in touch with friends, and I hope to save money!
Sounds like some great goals, I know October just flew by
November is going to be a good one for you – I can tell. We all go through rough patches, but the most important thing to remember is that they do -not- last, especially when we make a concrete plan to change things. And regarding the food rut, I know it’s hard not to feel guilty when you have to spend a little bit more money on yourself, but you’ve got it right that health is the absolute #1 most important thing we have, because without that we basically become lesser versions of what we could potentially be. If you have trouble shaking the guilt, try thinking this way: Spend more money on good food and feel better. Feel better and work/play/serve better. In the end, it’s in everyone’s best interest that you take proper care of yourself
What a great way to put it into perspective and I couldn’t agree more. I know if I were to give myself advice that is what I would say as well. it is just about taking my own advice that I tend to struggle with. Thanks as always Amanda
It sounds like you’re really making an effort at trying new things this month. So far it seems like you’re doing great and before you know it, all of this change won’t seem so scary. Hang in there!
That is what I am hoping, that the changes won’t seem that overwhelming and it will all fall into place
You are definitely not being overdramatic. No matter what is happenning in the world, your problems are as big as they get for you. So never worry about anyone else! I don’t know whats going on but hang in there, you’ll be fine! If you ever want to talk I’m here for you, ok? xx
Thanks Bec, that is so sweet of you. I so appreciate all of that
That’s great that you’re embracing change, both with your new schedule and food choices! Just a small change in routine can do wonders for busting out of a rut!
I hope so, or at least I am crossing my fingers that is what it will do
you can do it! november is going to be a seriously awesome month for you, i just know it. and i know that schedule is super overwhelming but like you said, it’s helpful to know when you need to be working so that you can plan the rest of your days accordingly. get after it alex!
Thanks Molly, I know I can always count on you as a pick me up! You have your head in the right place, a great role model to say the least
Hang in there, friend! October was a tough month for me, too; I bet it’s because it was our first October out of school. At least that’s what I’m hoping. And I totally get what you mean about running intervals. I did my first tempo run in *ages* Monday, and it felt great! And I did some intervals on my bike last week, which felt awesome. Going outside our comfort zones–both in terms of fitness and, well, life–is how we grow.
so true so true, that pushing the comfort zone is so needed but always the hardest
My november intentions are to tone it down on the running front .sadly, my body needs a break so I’ll be moving to lower impact cardio and weights
I’m still wrapping my brain and heart around it
good for listening to your body! I am glad you can find that time to reflect on what will work for you
I hope this month will be better, and a great one for you! Hang in there girl
Thanks so much Shreya, crossing my fingers on that one
I can relate to this post a lot, especially when it comes to asking for help. I am the same way, I tend to think I need to go, go, go and get everything done, when I could simply ask someone around me to help out and do one of the tasks. It would make my life much easier, I don’t know why I refuse to do it. I love your ideas of how to change things up and make November better, planning, and eating delicious groceries even if it does cost a little more. A happy stomach = a happy life in my book! haha.
Very true, a happy stomach makes a good mood overall. i think asking for help is something I really struggle with so something I know will not come easy. Thank for the kind words
I think you and I are a lot alike. I’m glad you have Sunday nights to plan out your week, I do pretty much the same thing. I don’t think I can function without a schedule,and I’m definitely a very independent person. I also completely agree with you on the running thing. Ever since I’ve been training, I’ve been focusing on running for distance. I definitely want to incorporate interval training and strength training. Please let me know what you decide to do as far as strength training, I’d love to join. As far as my goals for November: slow down and enjoy the little things in life. most of the time, I’m moving at 100 miles an hour. Also, I think I need to take some time for myself. When I try to do everything, I go crazy!
Girl email me! we should keep ourselves accountable because while I love distance, I need to be stronger. Right now I have just been taking little circuits to do after my runs. they are killer. I hope time slows down but at the same time speeds up to thanksgiving. ugh, i am just all over the place.
Only a few more weeks until you see your family
Just keep pushing through. In the meantime try and find something here that makes you happy!
very true, very true. Something i need to remember
These are really great Alex, it sounds like that reflecting did you mind good, and I think that working on these will do your whole life good! Just remember it is OK not to hit the mark every time. Some days are going to have that WOW factor where you do almost every single one of these and other days, maybe you only have time for one of them.
I am going to work on dealing with stress better. I had a major breakdown last night with my mom and it because I take on a lot (not too much) and then feel overwhelmed and bottle it in. I am also going to work on being more social outside of my classes. Of course this may be something I work on until January seeing as we have a lot of non-social college time coming up (AKA exams, holiday breaks, and finals)
Happy November!
I think that is a great goal for you, I know I should work on that as well. Stress is totally consuming and can really make or break a moment. thank for that little reminder, it is ok to just hit the mark and move on. happy november to you!
Everyone has those stretches of time where life just gets overwhelming. I have no doubt that it will work itself out for you. You are going to be just fine!
I think my November intention will be to step out of my comfort zone a bit. I tend to play it very very safe with things and I let a lot of social anxiety keep me away from things. This month I’m going to try at least one thing that makes me uncomfortable!
I love that november intention and I think it can be such a tough one. It really is one I struggle with a lot, I mean a lot. I hope this is just one of those stretches and it passes soon
Hang in there! It sounds like your goals for November will really help! Planning and switching up your routine will keep you focused!
Thank you Laurie, i can only hope for the best
I think now that u have a set schedule u will feel more relieved and less stressed! You can meal plan for the week and hopefully get some more variety in your life! You should def go out with coworkers! Best way to meet new ppl!
I hope i can push myself to do that, it is hard though and I feel like i say no more times than I would like. I am hoping a set schedule really helps it flow
GREAT goals, my love. Your happiness is #1 … and I hope that this month’s intentions get you closer to that!
that is a wonderful way to put it, thank you!
I think you just took the words out of my mouth. I totally get where you’re coming from. I’ve been stuck in a rut with dealing with stress and anxiety from work, school, personal life. It sucks at times, but it’s life. We all go through rough spots in life and it’s what we do with them that matters. Stay strong and you’ll come out a stronger and wiser person. Your November intentions are great! November will be a good month for you. Sending positive thoughts your way!
I hope it is a rut and something that both you and I can break from. it is never fun to feel like you are just stuck to say the least. thank you for your positivity and I am sending some right back at you
Well for having rewritten this post a lot, it certainly came out well-organized. I love how you sum everything up– I need to try that. Maybe it would keep my thoughts from being so messy. I’m all over the place sometimes.
Glad to hear that you have some plans of what to do food wise. Sorry to jump straight to food all the time, it’s just what I know and love
Are you still working with your GI doctor as far as a diet that will help your stomach, or is this more of a “fill your cravings/needs” type of thing?
Comfort zone. Loved ones. Asking for help. Yep, I need to work on doing all of those things more too. Hope you have a great day and can accomplish some of these things!
Yes, the doctor is primarily doing that with me because it is something I brought up to with him. I hope he is able to help me out because I am sick of it really. I tend to be just a mess but I am glad you found this organized. not something i am good at when I just need to get my thoughts out there.
I’m glad I read your post. Things have been a little rough for me to, but there is no way I could spill my guts out like you do. I seem to push myself out of my comfort zone all the time. I usually feel better once things are over but I have no much anxiety before the event.
I feel like spilling my guts make me really look at what I am unhappy about. it is the only way to change it in my opinion. I hope you have a better November as well.
Aww Alex, I really hope things start looking up for you in November. I think you’ve got some really good things in mind to make your November better than you October, especially on the pushing yourself outside your comfort zone front. I’ve forced myself to do that…well, I was going to say a lot, which I don’t really think is super accurate, but at least somewhat routinely since moving to Chicago, and I think that’s definitely helped me at the very least to have new experiences, which in turn has helped me kind of find my place, figure out what I like/don’t like, that sort of thing. It doesn’t always turn out all rainbows and sunshine and butterflies and sparkles, but at the very least I’ve grown as a person because of it.
I’m really, really, REALLY hoping to stick to NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) this November. I’m changing the rules for myself to fit my own writing goals, but I’ve had some things that I put on the back burner mostly in the name of Facebook and Pinterest (aka not because I didn’t have time, but rather because I was lazy), and I’m hoping NaNoWriMo will give me the motivation I need to get some things accomplished with all that.
Thank you for all of that, it really means a lot to know that people have gotten through it and found ways that worked for them. I love this NaNoWriMo this November you are doing, I can’t wait to hear more about it. Again, thanks for your support
I LOVE your blog. I just read like 6 posts! You are inspiring, funny, and I love all your little pictures and things! SO my style. Can you please move to atlanta and be my new best friend (don’t tell little spoon i said that!)! The good news is, I come to DC a lot. (just kidding, sort of).
Anyway, based on the fact that you like my posts, and I like yours, I’m starting to think that great minds think alike.
My november intention is to have more faith in the fact that everything WILL get done, and to be more PRESENT and less WORRIED.
I also intend to pretend that I don’t feel like a boy in a dress at my cousin’s wedding. 
This makes me so happy! I wish you lived here, i need more DC friends stat! I feel the same way in fancy dresses. You are not alone. You made my day with this comment!
Love the fact that you reached deep down inside & really spilled your guts in this post. You realize what you need to fix, and have thought of ideas on going about it. You are one person that I always wish nothing but happiness upon. Talking to you more & more outside of our blogs has opened to my eyes to what a beautiful person you are inside & out. You are honest, and I think that’s what attracts so many people to your blog Alex. I wish I were in D.C. just so we could hang out & do whatever! Put a smile on your face girl xo
Oh jessie, you always know how to make me blush. i appreciate all of that. i think i need to spill my guts more often, even just to myself to really shake myself sometimes. It really is something that helps me realize what I want and need to work on.
xo
Hey there. I like your plans. Do the best you can.
I blogged about my November goals today too. I think it’s so important to go into a new month with a strategy, esp during the holidays. Otherwise, it will just pass you by. I wanted to put call my friends/family on my list, but I was embarrassed. Thanks for doing it for me!
I am glad you have that a goal, it is an important one even though people may down play it. I am glad you are finding what works for you, setting goals is a definite for me.
I love all of this! Hang in there, November will be amazing with these goals you’ve set!
I do hope so, I need a little optimism over here.
Sometimes you just gotta fake it until you make it! It’s okay though! I’m liking your plans. I am so happy for your treadmill interval running… the sense of accomplishment from a tough run is amazing and can work wonders!
I loved it and it makes me want to do more. I can’t wait!
You don’t know how lucky you are to have such an amazing support system with your mom!! I have mine too, and I would be lost without her! Hang in there girl, things ALWAYS continue to move forward even when they are stuck and shitty. I hope November starts getting better. Here’s to Thanksgiving!
I hope things begin to fall into place. I am so grateful for the mom I have, so grateful. I am glad you have that same relationship
Props to you for working so much. I honestly don’t think I’d ever be able to do that.
Ha, thanks. Have to do what pays the bills sadly
I know that this has been a tough month for you girl, but these look like some great November intentions! I’m so glad that you finally broke down to your mom… sometimes that helps SO MUCH! I hope this next month is awesome for you!
Thank you Brittany, I am hoping for one kick butt November to say the least.
You are tough on yourself! I actually think you’ve achieved heaps this year! Be proud and definitely call family and loved ones. I still call my mum all the time. You’re a champ! I hope November brings more happiness your way!
Thank you for that, it means a lot. I am glad I am not the only one who relies on those mom calls!
I love how you’re making it a goal to ask for help. That’s something I struggle with too — another lone ranger here, too — so I might borrow it!
I couldn’t agree more, i am such a suck it up and do it type person that I tend to stink at really knowing when to put the pride down and ask for help
Hope November is better for you and I can’t wait to come to DC for Thanksgiving to do some running around your home town
Dc is a great running area, I just wish I could find a running buddy here. I would love that. Although I have noticed the morning running numbers are going down now that it is colder
Yeah, I will be bringing my thermals
boo ya
I love that you are constantly striving to work on yourself! While it may be tough to accomplish everything (it always is), at least you know the direction you want to head in, and that’s already better than being in the dark. Does that make sense? Keep it up girl! It will all get better
That makes a lot of sense, thank you for that. I appreciate you seeing my drive.
I really love taking walks while talking to calming people too, either in person or on the phone! Great therapeutic tool, embrace it. And I think that eating what you crave and not worrying quite as much about the finances of groceries will help your stress levels. Some things just aren’t worth stressing about when you think about how much better you may feel without that stress in your life, you know? Good for you for looking ahead to ways to get things going in a more positive direction. No “woe is me” attitude!
I hope I can keep that attitude that not stressing will make me happier, I am just a tad of a worry wart and overthink everything. Not a strong quality at all. Thanks for all the encouragement Caitlin, I can always count on you for that pick me up
omg your schedule looks killer. I wish you all the best!! I’ve been pushing myself out of my comfort zone hence the whole hanging out with people instead of being stuck at home all the time when people ask me to hang out. I’m loving it but missing the downtime I use to have but I won’t change it for anything.
It is a killer schedule, I am trying to just stay positive and stick to it
you can do it!