The first time I heard DTM used at my work I was confused. DFM was common slang dropped in college (Dance Floor Makeout). Don’t worry, not by me. DTM on the other hand was something that I began to hear being thrown around at my work, at our training in California this summer, among co-workers. What was it? Basically a second nature quality to me… DOING TOO MUCH.
I know I am not alone on this DTM front. It is something I have known about myself, this constant battle of doing too much and finding time to handle all that ‘too much’. When I took the second job at the running store, I had a very smart lady tell me ‘Alex just be an employee, don’t be that super star, just show up to work, do your job and go home.’ Wait what? 
I struggle with ‘just being’. I always feel like I need to DTM but have never really looked at why I feel this need, this pull to always do more than necessary. Whether it is an everyday task, a small request or a project, I have this internal battle about how to go above and beyond just the mainstream requirements. I have been doing this since as far back as I can remember, my family can vouch for me on that one.
But again I come back to, why DTM? I think for everyone there is a different reason that surrounds it but for me it is because I find it a great mask. A mask of all my insecurities I have about myself and my abilities. EEk vulnerable much? I am only being honest when I say that I struggle with self confidence, I struggle with fully believing in myself sometimes. This leads me to feel these large gaps in my abilities, ones that I would do anything to hide. The process of DTM takes some of those worries away. I am able to hide behind all the tangible work that I put out. 
I have met many people in my life that have that ability be ok with that bare minimum. To be ok with saying no when things are just a bit overwhelming. To accept that some things can’t be done. For some reason, I just can’t. Every bone in my body is pushed towards that extra this, that extra that – just please don’t see how scared I am? Maybe it is fear that people will see my flaws or fear of failure that pushes me beyond the minimum.
Lately though, I have been trying to redefine this quality of myself. Don’t get me wrong, DTMing can get me places. DTMing can really impress people. In the long run though, DTMing can be a train wreck. Obviously, there are things I am ignoring when I keep taking on more and more. There are things I am turning my shoulder to. Oh, that wonderful quality of avoidance that I seem to be queen of.
Now, I am not saying that I can all of a sudden be a non DTMer. Just won’t happen. But I think I need to spend more time tearing down those walls behind the why I feel so pulled to DTM. Slowly but surely, a process.
Questions: Are you a DTMer? What is your reason for needing to DTM?
That’s crazy. I have a friend who just blogged on this same concept… though she didn’t use DTM obviously. Such a great thing to hear right now.
Really? I would love to read her post if you can send it to me. I think it is something a lot of us struggle with
I’m a total DTMer. Especially at work. Must take on ALL THE RESPONSIBILITIES! I need to learn to say no sometimes.
Also, DFM? I’ve never heard that term! Love it. Will be using it the next time I have a friend who commits that dance floor crime
Oh girl DFM was a frequent scene in college, total slang used. uck, killed me to see. I am the same way, i feel like I need to take on all the roles rather than delegate, so bad at that
I wouldn’t say that I struggle with DTM as much as I struggle with perfectionism. I can definitely say no to things, but the things I do take on can end up completely consume my life. Blah. I’ve been trying to work on it, but it’s not an easy thing to break. I guess everyone has something that they struggle with…
I think my perfectionism and DTMing go hand in hand. I DTM a lot because I feel like I need it to be perfect, aka why I take it on myself. We all have our struggles though
I’ve gone through phases of DTM — but I’m pretty balanced right now. I’ve made a point to only schedule new students when it’s convenient for me. Haha. I like that aspect of working for myself, although it’s always tempting to DTM!
it is tempting to DTM which is why I think I go crawling back to it. glad you found a good balance! what a good role model to your students
I’m not a DTMer. In fact for most of my life I was a chronic underachiever: afraid to try because I was afraid to fail. These days I try to peruse excellence in my endeavors because I delight in what I can accomplish and I know that I don’t have to be perfect. I had to find my self confidence too in order to reach this point.
You are great! God made you perfect! You are who He intended you to be. Keep on believing in yourself! <3
I think my sister was the way you were and I just could not understand it. But then I realized how jealous I was of her life, of how calm and collected she seemed. But most of all how she could just be. i hope I learn to channel that into now.
I am such a DTMer. I’ve never heard the term (nor DFM). I have heard of DNM (Deep n’ Meaningful) though. I’ve used that term (sadly). But I agree with you – I just can’t be happy with the bare minimum. And maybe sometimes that is bad but think about it this way – people like you and me, we will always get exactly where we want to go because we won’t be happy till we do.
i hadn’t heard this term until work, they had in our training manual that everyone tends to DTM and it is what causes burnout. Man do I believe that!
Alex, we are *so* twins–I am *such* a DTMer. Like you wrote, I’ve always been a DTMer, and I can’t imagine a scenario, situation, or project in which I wouldn’t give it my all. My philosophy is if you’re going to do it, you might as well do it right (or maybe even perfectly? Jokes, but not really.
)
During spring semester of senior year, I had a lot on my plate (normal course load plus an Honors project, freelance writing, participating in extracirriculars, etc.), and for the first time maybe ever, I made a conscious and deliberate decision to simply go to one of my classes and do the bare minimum. (It was a combination of it being a 200-level class with not-to-smart underclassmen and senioritis taking its toll.
) Anyway, I did only what was required; I didn’t go above and beyond, I didn’t do any extra credit, I didn’t actively participate in class (although I did sit in the back with other seniors and upperclassmen and talk about what a joke the class was, ha). Anyway, it felt so great … and so rebellious; it totally wasn’t me! At the end of the semester, I wasn’t expecting to earn a grade that I’m used to, and I didn’t, but it was totally OK. That semester, something had to give, and I made the right choice.
I am glad you can relate and we really are so much alike. I actually did this my senior year the last month of school (i know not a lot of time). i realized in my whole school career I never allowed myself to just chill and just be. i am trying to find a balance now because I now I sure don’t have it.
my students tell me on a regular basis that i’m doing too much, lol. and i can testify that they would know because they are ALWAYS doing too much.
in seriousness though, i struggle with the same things you do and it’s nice to know i’m not alone! finding balance is super difficult
super difficult is an understatement, I see you as one of those DTMers too, i am always amazed by your balance though. i think you find a great balance between social, work and responsibility. that is something I am still working on
Sometimes I’m a DTMer in life… I don’t want to miss anything – my hubby is always like geez itz ok to miss ___. And I’m like NO I don’t want to be left out!!
ha, I am the same way. if i don’t do it I feel like i will regret it or be left out.
I love the honesty in this post. I can definitely have a tendency to DTM, And you raise a good point that maybe it’s all to keep yourself busy/distracted so you don’t focus on some important thing in the background that you’d rather not deal with.
i think that was something I just started to realize. in college i was the queen on DTMing to avoid all of that, now I am finally realizing why I did it.
I think DTMers are the motivated! Hence why they do too much, the energy, the rush of accomplishment is an addiction. Its not necessarily a bad thing, until you realize you don’t have the time to breathe. I say take it easy and find that balance. Once you find it – you’ll be at your happiest ever.
so true, there is such a balance that a DTMer can achieve a lot and motivate others but when they are struggling to actually live that is when it is too much. Great perspective!
You are completely not alone. I always want to be able to do it all. I’ve finally realized that I can’t; and that’s been hard for me to deal with. I always feel the need to impress people with all that I do/all that I’m involved in and how well I do with all my activities. It was really hard for me to realize that if I focus on doing just a few things really well, people are going to be just as impressed. It’s totally a confidence thing, too. Something I’m definitely working on. Ugh, saying no is just so hard sometimes!
I think it is totally a confidence ting so that it is hard to just let go of all that responsibility and put it on someone else. it takes time but I love that you have moved from that.
I’m definitely a DTMer. Well, overachiever, I always say. When I moved here, I didn’t get involved in things right away and it was kinda nice to just relax and enjoy life. It really helped me get to know my neighborhood and just relax and work like everyone else, just doing my job instead of trying to work, volunteer, and go above and beyond. It really was the mental break I needed
i am glad you got that time, i think it has really helped you make that place your home. i am still amazed with all that you have done
Guilty as charged … The worst of it is that I do it all for the wrong reasons. Not to please myself or be more proud in my own work, but so that others will be proud of my work and efforts. And that’s not right.
Those who have struggled with extreme EDs are probably all guilty of this — the all-or-none principle. If you’re going to do it, do it perfectly. The stress that the DTM brings ON TOP of the DTM itself is what kills us.
It took me over 10 months to NOT clean the lab benches every shift and let someone else do it … It’s something small, but it’s a start.
Just cutting a few corners might help … Just a thought. Truly insightful post — your depths never cease to inspire me.
Uck you put it so perfectly I couldn’t have said it better myself. I agree, I think I do it for all the wrong reasons as well. it is hard for me to relinquish that control and it takes time to let that go. Man can I relate to all of what you just said, to the t.
I definitely am, and I think it’s because I tend to be a tiny bit OCD. Not to mention, that I have this overwhelming feeling that if I don’t do it, it won’t get done.
I have to agree with this, I want to do everything to know it is done my way and how it needs to be done.
That is definitely me however lately I have been feeling like I dont have enough and I am struggling with the feeling of feeling useless!
ugh that is the worst. I think with my lack of time I feel the same way, like I can’t fully immerse myself in anything because I am flying by the seat of my pants
mmm Im not sure where I fall here, but this def is a great post lady. I wouldnt say I take too much on at WORK, but def in other places, like the house. FOr ex if Im having a party, I pretty much do everything. COok it all, set it all up, clean the house for it ect. I dont ask my hubby to lift a finger for some reason….
I think some people tend to have personalities that like the full control. I can totally relate to that, i would rather do everything to know it is done just right. Some of my perfectionist traits coming out for sure
I am most definitely a DTMer. My mom is always telling me to just relax. I think it has to do with that idea of perfectionism, and being the best. When I do have free time, I don’t know what to do with myself. I think the best thing to do is just to force ourselves to do nothing once in awhile. Obviously this is a little more difficult for you right now with your crazy schedule, but maybe at night if you just sit down in front of the TV it would help you to unwind. Otherwise you might have a mental breakdown!
I always have people telling me to relax too. Free time has always been my nemesis but it is something I want to work on, a lot!
I was definitely a DTm-er in college and law school and it killed me — no sleep, no eating, nothing but running around partipating in everything, doing everything, etc. As I have gotten older though, I have definitely learned to limit it and I am so much happy for it!
I see my pattern was a lot more prevalent in college and high school but I feel myself being drawn back into it, why I need to keep working on it
That makes me feel old… I have never head of DFM. Lol!
I definitely DTM. I make an effort to take a time out but then I just end up bored. So, I guess I can’t complain. I do it to myself on purpose.
I am glad you haven’t heard of it, seriously not something you missed out on. ha! I think it is a conscientious effort for me too when I DTM.
In college and grad school I did too much… and it got me too stressed out, especially in grad school. Once I took some things off my plate I was able to enjoy the experience more
I want to reach that point where I feel more calm and balanced. i hope I can find a more balanced plate
aww you will! everything will fall into place after a while
I was the queen of DTM in college. Fall semester of junior year I took 16 credits (which is a full load of classes), four of which were an English class (i.e.: LOTS of reading) that met four days a week (i.e.: I only had 24 hours to do my homework instead of the normal 48, and we almost always had to do responses to the readings, so you couldn’t get away with just not reading) and four of which were a science class with a lab (i.e.: so long, three critical hours of homeworking time on Wednesday afternoon). That alone is a lot, but in addition to that I worked at the library, tutored once a week, wrote for a blog that required me to go to events (usually 2+ hours just at the event, never mind the writing), was on a leadership board for a major production at school, was an editor at the school paper, was in Wind Ensemble, AND did a Bible study. It was totally insane, but I think part of me liked (likes) bragging about it and being like, “Yeah, I could do all that AND keep up my grades AND get 7-8 hours of sleep each night…what’d you do again that semester? Oh, right. Got drunk a lot. Good work.” I’m not nearly as OMG MUST DO ALL THE THINGS! anymore, and while I still keep myself busy, I actually have time to do things now like, you know, breathe. Haha. I totally feel you on the insecurity thing, though. A lot of my motivation to do everything I did (and do it well) was just a way of hiding that I didn’t like myself…trying to find validation from outside sources and all that.
that is me in a bubble in college. it wasn’t until my final month of school it hit me how much i hate wasted four years of college with this DTM crap. My worry is I see myself doing it now so it is something I want to try to make myself address rather than keep pushing it away.
Smart post, Alex! I can definitely see how staying too busy/DTMing can hide the other stuff going on in your mind/life. If I’m feeling stressed/worried/depressed, I tend to take on MORE too, rather than step back, pass on this or that job, role or assignment, and straighten out what’s sitting at the bottom instead. I love that you manage such a busy and active life, but make sure you’re doing it for you/it’s what’s making you happiest!
so true and I think I am trying to really dig deep and figure out what I want. I think I push away what i really want sometimes.
I most definitely fall prey to the DTM words. I don’t know if I have ever really thought about why I do it, but I always try to bring out my best because I NEVER want to be labeled as the slacker. I pride myself in my hard work, even at places that may not require such a mass amount of effort. It’s who I am, it’s in my nature. I give 100% when it comes to work all the time. Where I fall short of DTM might be in my relationships..that’s where I need to redirect my focus. I need to direct some focus onto myself too..I need to stop hiding behind my work and figure out what the root of my issues are.
I am in the exact same boat so I can so relate to this. What you said is exactly what I am trying to do. Easier said than done for sure
I pretty much always DTM – for several reasons. I like to be busy, and when I stop being busy and try to relax, then I start to think of all the things I should be doing! (and then of course, I get irritated that I’m always on the go! I’m a walking oxymoron). I’m also a classic overacheiver, and, sadly, I like the attention that I receive when I DTM and get praised for it. I also experienced the birth of a brother who has Down syndrome when I was 6, and I spent most of my life trying to be “perfect” –still do!!
Hm I can relate to that being perfect for sure. I think my mind does that EXACT same thing. It is insane.
So important! I used to be a hardcore DTMer, but I got so burnt out that I took a break from literally everything. Now I struggle between doing too much and doing too little….if I do too little, I get anxious and if I do too much, I get anxious too….but rarely can I find the happy medium. ugh.
Exactly, my worst fear is just that breaking down point or burnt out. I am glad you realize that for yourself and are working on it as well, easier said than done for sure
Have you ever thought of being a writer? You seem to have a knack for it in that you’re able to express the inner feelings many people have, but don’t know how to describe. I definitely DTM! I guess it’s all relative though. If you’re doing so much that you’re burning yourself out or suffering in some way, you should probably back off. If you’re being called lazy and sitting on your booty all day, you’re probably not doing enough, generally speaking.
So true, I think I am more on the always running around like a chicken with my head cut off kind of girl. I want to hopefully reduce some of that or at least find that me time. I have never been a journaler but maybe I should reconsider.
Ah.. this totally resonates with me. I am a part of the DTM club, unfortunately. I’m glad you brought it up. I’ve been trying to work on it and find a happy medium
Glad you realize you want to take some of that added pressure away, I hope we both find that happy medium.
OH man.. Yes! However, I’m starting to learn to say no and set boundaries. At first, I felt like a failure and like I wasn’t doing “enough”, but now I am starting to realize I was doing way too much! It is so much better on my stress levels!
I think that is my problem, I have that idea that I am failing when really I am still getting the job done. All about the mind shift so I can reduce some of the stress in my life.
Heck yes! I do too much all the time. I am constantly multi-tasking. But I feel productive that way, and it mostly makes me happy. Just not when I get stressed!
Exactly, I am the queen of multitasking but sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming and I forget to take care of me.
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I’ve made it a goal of mine to put my foot down and know when I am just doing too much. I enjoy “me” time – just doing what I want that doesn’t involve work/school/running. For me, doing too much = stressed = uber cranky Kailey. not good.
I get the same way which is why I want to make it my goal as well. I just hope I can accomplish it!
Hi Alex. This is such a thoughtful post. Isn’t blogging wonderful when we can write down our mind and then get feedback on those things? I find I understand myself better when I write the things out. It makes me wonder what you discovered after/while writing this.
Anyway, I am not a DTMer. I have figured out where to go above and beyond and where to give just what’s needed. Reserve the DTM mode for things you feel “called” to. I believe that’s why you have this thing about you. I believe God puts in us the foundation for our characters, and then we can learn to use them the way they were intended, or in a thoughtless or obsessive way. It seems to me, that since you are thinking about it, you are trying to be thoughtful about it. Ask: what/where do I need to have this characteristic? Then reserve those energies for that thing. You are just such a sweetheart.
Wow I love that perspective, preserve it for things you are called to. how cool! Thank you for that very thoughtful comment.
Glad you liked it Alex.
I have never heard of DFM … or DTM … I always DTM. Thanks for your reflection about it because I realized I probably DTM because I’m afraid what will happen if I stop. Will I be forgotten type thing … sad.
I totally feel you on that fear too, it is hard to think what would happen if we just did the bare minimum. Never know until you try though
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