Do something everyday that scares you.
Just looking at that statement makes me cringe. My whole body wants to reject those little words across the page. But why?
For so long I clung to the idea that I am one way. I have these characteristics and traits that make me do the things I do, say the things I say and act the way I act. I forced myself in this box and used excuse after excuse to stay there. Sure, I like a lot of my personality. I appreciate my sarcasm, I love my dedication. But there are other parts I wish I could shed – like my rigidity, timidness in social ventures and my bad habit of beating myself up.
So back to that statement. Everything about what that sentence stands for honestly scares me. Why would I want to break that comfort bubble on a daily basis? Why allow myself to be vulnerable to the mental games my mind will play?
Because that is where you grow. That is just it. After reading all of your insightful comments yesterday (which I seriously appreciate!), it me that a big reason why I am so lost is because I feel stagnant. And that really is only due to my own, yet again, putting myself in a box.
On a daily basis many of us hold ourselves back, whether it is for good reasons (like punching a rude person on the metro) or for fear reasons. I think that is what bothers me the most about all these new lifestyles in the healthy community – it puts you in a bubble, makes you hold out on a lot of not only food but experiences, all for the sake of said health. This process of holding myself back is something I have been doing on a daily basis, which would make sense to why I can’t fathom that idea of doing something everyday that scares me. Ah, then it hit. Holding back – an outlet of restriction. Oh how they fit so nicely together. My ED was a big part of my past and recovery is always an on going process. I think what I wasn’t prepared for was other ways that my once food fears would manifest in life experiences. By holding back each day by either not practicing self care, sticking to routine, placing guilt on myself… I am allowing that restriction to once again penetrate my life.
Here I am, outwardly saying I want to work on this mentality. I want to embrace that statement and create a list of things I fear doing, as small as they may be. This year I will tackle them. One by one I will face those fears I hold close.
The best advice I ever received was from a close friend. She told me that we all make mistakes, we have all slip ups, we all find reasons to beat ourselves up – but it is not the mistakes we should dwell on. IT IS WHAT YOU DO AFTER THAT MATTERS. I can sit here and say, man I wish I was different, I wish I had approached that better. But that would get me to the past. It is what you do after that counts.
Who knows, this year could be a complete wash for me. I could end up broke, tired and even more homesick by the end. But I could also find a new love for this city. Why choose one now when I still have fears to face?
Questions: What is something you fear doing? Is there a statement like the one above that you reject?
I can totally relate to this. There are so many times (daily) that I want to stay in my comfort zone and not do something because it scares me. I try to remind myself that I want to look back on my life without regretting that I didn’t do something. I would rather experience as much as I can experience instead of wish I had gotten out there more. It’s great even that you realize these things you need to work on and are actively going to try to face it! That’s more than most people can say
I agree, i think reminders of what i don’t want or where I want to go can really propel me forward.
I am SO glad you wrote this!! I think that you really needed to say and embrace these thoughts and put them into words. I hope that they get the ball rolling for you and put you in a new mindset … set off a new start. I genuinely and truly believe that you are destined for AMAZING things, Alex. I don’t believe that you’re holding yourself back, but I do think that you’re right when you say you’ve boxed yourself in. But I think that it’s a box that you’ve mimed — those walls don’t really exist. You need to step out from behind that imaginary barrier. I know you can do it and that you will bring yourself to embrace life. One of my favourite quotes: “Feel the fear and do it anyway”. Go get ‘em girl!! xo
So insightful lovely, a box that I have created, a box that I have created walls. Gosh, makes me realize that the next step is action. So tough though.
I think that first quote says it all. I’m terrified of change. I go out of my way to do the same thing every single day because doing something new scares me. But usually once I branch out and try doing something different, I not only feel so proud of myself but I can also add that new thing to my repertoire and it is no longer “scary”. It seems like these same thoughts are pretty common among a lot of people who are recovery from ED’s (myself included). But it’s good that you can acknowledge it– that’s the first step to a healthy mind!
very true, i think these thoughts are all too common in that community. it is hard to break from them and I know that, easier said than done for sure
Wow. I never thought about how the restrictive mindset of an ED could translate into other aspects of life, but it makes perfect sense. Comfort is something I crave, and sometimes I honestly can’t figure out whether I don’t do certain things because I honestly don’t enjoy them, or because they push me too far out of my comfort zone. Either way, I do think it’s important to push yourself, because while there’s comfort in playing it safe, it’s that same comfort that eventually becomes a prison.
I think restriction in other aspects of life is something I never wanted to penetrate other parts of my life but sadly it finds a way to weasel itself in. I think it is that balance of finding comfort and pushing out of it. tough for sure
Your best friend was so right. It is what we do after we fail that tells us what kind of person we are. Thanks for the reminder!
I seriously adore that quote, I remember the first time she told my jaw just dropped.
Love this post! And new attitude! Embrace the challenge there are so many wonderful experiences out there for you, guarantee you’ll make mistakes but you will grow so much!
Exactly, i think my fear of mistakes hold me back way to much but where is the growth in that?
I really do love this post Alex. I think that so many (especially women) can relate to this and fearing something. I am so guilty of not wanting to do something or approach a task if I can’t do it well. Fear of failure and rejection. I just know that when I enter a room someone is going to reject me. Because my entire life, someone has. (not my family though!) You just start to build this resistance and something in you just kind of dies to that fear. I love that quote, because it does scare so many of us that fear. I will be honest, sometimes I actually love staying in my small bubble.
This is lame I know, but I one of the new Grey’s Anatomy this line was said, “love, even if they burn you to the ground, love.” I thought that was such a great way to look at life. Just love.
Have a great day Alex!!
Gah that quote is amazing, so perfect for this situation. I think fear of failure, fear of rejection is such a big fear of our society and so hard to overcome. it really goes against all that we are told
OK, kind of cliche, but this quotation from the movie “Coach Carter” really resonates with me: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us …”
wow I love that! Thank you for sharing that seeing as i have never seen that movie. i mean how true is that quote, so freaking true
seriously, alex, you are so insightful and you never fail to amaze me with your introspection and self-reflection. i always push things under the rug and ignore my feelings when they get a little uncomfortable. this post really hits home for me because i just had a conversation with my best friend about how she thinks i need to loosen up and let go of my obsessive need to control everything. maybe we can do it together…let’s go skydiving! no for real, i did that last year and i almost peed myself i was so scared so let’s think of something else.
DUDE i have always wanted to go, but in more realistic terms I agree. i need to loosen up, even my coworker was commenting how I just am putting myself in this bubble and the longer I do that the harder it will be to get out. we should do some adventure together.
Starting this post with that quote is perfect Alex, I am so very afraid and reluctant to make any sort of changes. It doesn’t really matter what it is really, but yeah, changes make me nervous for sure. Mostly when it has to do with my body, food, exercising and such… duh haha, but yeah, thanks for the reminder to look at my own thoughts on this!
I think i wrote this knowing just that, i struggle with all those things as well. Changes are always the hardest but I also need to remember they can be the most rewarding
Nice attitude Alex! I love the quote “do something everyday that scares you” I think my life would be so different if I followed that…maybe i’ll get started
I totally agree, it is something I def don’t practice yet.
I love your attitude with this — recognizing what you are struggling with and figuring out what to change! Great quotes too!
Thanks laurie, i think I needed to really address my attitude in order to move forward. Now onto the action part, always the hardest.
Elanor was a pretty smart lady
Can I just say…YOU CAN DO THIS. You can. Dont dont yourself. There are plenty of people out there who are going to push you down/hold you back/and tell you that you cant do it. Dont let yourself be one of those!
aw kat that means a lot. i think I tend to be that person that holds myself back – I hope I can do this! thanks for those encouraging words
part of my ed ways made me want to be a hermit, I was home from college on summer break and would work and go home and go to bed. I was 20 yrs old, who was I? A turning point for me was when i kept saying no to things and never hanging out with my friends. I woke up one day and thought I am going to lose all of my friends if i keep saying no to them, they are going to stop asking me to hang out and I will be alone. I love my friends, i would not be who I am without them, why am I pushing them away. I vowed to myself that I would say yes more to doing things and say no to things the I genuinely did not want to do and if I was genuinely too tired. The first step is to recognizing that you need to change your ways, I know you will succeed you have come to far!
I think that is what scares me, i spend too much of my time saying no and for a while it was totally in my ed world. now that food is not part of that ed world i still feel myself saying no to social things. i hate that! thank you so much kaitlin, I know this is something I need to work on
I am the worst at getting outside of my comfort zone, but honestly every time I have – even if I’ve HATED the experience – I’ve been glad that I pushed myself to try something new.
You’re going to do great things, no doubt about that. You just gotta let yourself! xoxo
I totally can relate to this, it is the after feelings I need to remember when I am faced with saying yes or no.
Hey Alex!
I’ve been reading your blog for quite some time and I always appreciate the level of thoughtfulness in your blog posts. There is definitely a difference between knowing what you fear and going after it. I sometimes find that even if I go after what I fear, to continue doing it and not just stay in my comfort zone is an uphill battle. I’m trying though – and it looks like you really are too! That’s quite impressive.
Julia
Gosh julia thank you so much for reading and commenting, I will go check out your blog for sure! I think everyone struggles with this one at some level.
‘Do one thing every day that scares you’ – love that saying!! Great post!
it is a good saying but harder to practice for me!
Great post Alex! There’s definitely a lot to be said for getting outside your comfort zone–I’ve definitely left mine as of late, and it feels so good. Even if you change what/how you do things, it doesn’t mean you’re changing who you are! Restrictions and rules only limit you, they don’t protect you, help you grow, help you find out who you are! Love all your thoughts and sentiments here.
I love what you wrote about it limiting me, so true and something I know I need to try harder to reach outside of. Thank you for your sweet words
Sometimes I find myself fearing the worst so not going for the things I want….it’s only when I remind myself that even if the worst happens, I’ll still be okay…that I can get over it and go outside my comfort zone
gosh that is such a great way to approach it. i will certainly remember that
I can so relate to this, when I was struggling with my ED I would hold back on stuff and had a list of “fear foods”… it even got that bad that oatmeal was on that list. But being able to take the little steps out of your comfort is what makes you realize how amazing life can be
it is so true, little steps are what matter.
I love the advice from your friend! It really is about what you do after your mistakes that matters. I love this phrase about doing something that scares you, yet I resist it at times too. Whats the point in living if we don’t live to our full capabilities!?
so true so true, i actually love what you said about full of capabilities. You are so right!
Um thank you for this. I really really really needed to see this post. I have been miserable lately because I’m living in the future (waiting to leave and go back home) because I’m stuck in the same darn routine. Wake up, eat, work, sleep…ect. I really think changing my routine a bit will be so beneficial for me! So anyways-thanks!
that is exactly how I felt – and i just could not nail why this week has been so bad. uck. I hope things start looking up on your end
Great post and outlook on things! I totally could, should, and need to do it myself… I have no problem saying yes to people, I have a problem saying no to them. I think I need to also start saying yes to myself more! Yes you can…
that is my problem too, it is so tough to take your own advice
Ah… Comfort zones. Love them and hate them!! Fear is a funny thing. I’m glad you’re aware all the time and that you challenge yourself! Way to be
So true, love but hate them. they can be so tough to break out of
I’m really proud of you for recognizing that staying in your comfort zone holds you back. Of course, at times, our comfort zone can be a good thing, but pushing ourselves to find things that bring us joy is important as well.
exactly, that balance is so tough to strike. thanks Carol for your kind words!
What you said at the beginning of this post really struck a chord with me — clinging to the idea that you’re one way. I’ve made that excuse for myself for sooo long: I was born shy, I can’t change that. I have anxiety, I can’t change that. Obviously, there are some thing I literally can’t change about myself, at least not authentically (like though I could dye my hair to make it not awkward-brown/red, it’s not going to change the fact that that is indeed my real hair color), but last August (as in 2011) I kind of took ownership of some things in my life (my OCD/anxiety, to be specific). I took a step back from my life and said, “You know, even though I’m disposed to be this way, and I’ll probably always be afraid of thunderstorms and get anxious when they roll through, I don’t have to let that anxiety define my life.” I let myself be a slave to my anxiety for so long and made excuses for myself based on that — I can’t do this, that, or the next thing because it’s going to send me into a panic attack. And while that certainly is true to some extent, taking a step back and saying, “This is MY life and I get to determine how I live, not my ridiculous compulsions and the fear that goes along with them, because doggone it, wearing a green shirt on Monday instead of red has absolutely no influence on the weather!” I still definitely struggle with my anxiety and OCD sometimes, but taking ownership of it has really, really helped me to see that I don’t have to be defined by a characteristic about myself that I wish I could change.
Wow I so commend you for doing all of that, because honestly that scares me and that is what I am saying in this. I know I have these characteristics that can hold me back but I am letting them do that. I am in awe of your attitude and spirit, i will channel you when I need to bust through.
I spent a long time clinging to the idea that I was shy and just couldn’t handle social situations. After my recovery, I realized that that is not really who I am…I’m a bit of a talker, have a little bit of the class clown thing going on (I like to make little jokes and side comments in class, what can I say). I’m still convinced I’m a perfectionist, but it’s something I need to work on – because I’m sure I’ll find that it’s leftover from the ED as well.
While I don’t try to do one thing a day that scares me, maybe I go for once a week? I find that I don’t change if I don’t push myself out of my comfort zone, so it really only has benefits even if it’s uncomfortable at the time.
I am the same way, I think my ed made me this quiet girl who i really am not but I still feel attached to this social anxiety. i think small steps is what I need to do
I can relate so much to this post. I hate change, but I’ve gotten (a little) better at pushing myself out of my comfort zone in the past year. I’ve also tried to stop labeling myself and putting myself in a “box”, as you said. I think the key is to start slow! Great post!
you are so right, starting slow and taking it step by step.
This is so true! So many people resist change and like to stay in their regimented lives because it’s safe and it’s easy. It’s so much easier to do the things you know you’ll succeed in than give a chance to failure. But that’s what is so exciting about life! Yes, sometimes you may fail if you try new things – but then you try again, or better yet you just succeed in the first place! And then you have a new thing to do.
Great post Alex! Ps, I have been reading your posts, just keep running out of time to comment. 
oh girl you don’t have to comment, I know you are so busy! i just always love hearing from you. i love your advice!
I fear change. I constantly seem to put myself in the position of changing, but it’s not by choice, usually it’s out of necessity.
i agree, change just freaks me out. it is something I am working on moving past
Oh man you are going to LOVE the Rock and roll marathon!!!
I ran the half last year here in dc and it was amazing 
I wish I could run it again this year, but I will have to wait 
I ran the r and r half last year too, I am excited to do the half again especially because they changed the course
It is ok to back track it is ok to see parts of the ED come back. AS LONG AS YOU RECOGNIZE IT AND DON’T WANT IT! And that is what I read here. I think you should post that quote somewhere where you can see it every day and live by it!
I love that it’s ok, you are so right. have a wonderful friday lady!
I guess commitment is a fear right? And trusting because of being hurt so many times in the past. I don’t know how people can run marathons. I’m too weak. haha I am hoping one day to do a 5k but that’s probably it. d:
A marathon just intimidates me, one day hopefully
Pingback: MIMM — Goals and Intentions
Amazing and seriously smart for you to recognize the new manifestations of your ED into holding back/restricting yourself to certain routines. I’ll be hoping for you to stop holding back, and to do something totally out of the ordinary! Keep pushing yourself!
thank you lovely, I will!
Pingback: Super Sweet!