I am in a lot of places right now, both mentally and physically (hello… crazy work schedule). The downpour rain doesn’t help either. You think I would learn to carry an umbrella or raincoat. No such luck. Enter wet dog status.
Lately, I have been putting a lot of pressure on myself. In all aspects of my life. I am not sure why – I thought being out of school would ease that ‘type A’ student profile I clung to for so long. I tend to forget I don’t need to sweat the small things, I don’t need to solve everything in one swoop.I tend to be really hard on myself and social media isn’t helping. In a perfect world, I would realize I don’t need to feel guilty for eating, working or living the way I do. Yet, instead I am dragging myself down with this guilt. Why can’t I realize that what I do now is what I SHOULD be doing for my own health? Why can’t I accept the fact that this is me, this is how I roll, this is how I write?
I have a wonderful mom, you all know by the way I talk about her. She sent me a package with not only toilet bowl cleaners (oh goodness) but articles she thought I should read. She does this a lot but every time they hit home.
One was called, “Get Lucky”. It is all about luck and that fact that it is a state of mind, a way of thinking that enhances the good opportunities that come your way. It goes on to explain how to seize the day, smile and schmooze, be resilient and persistent and trust your gut. Ironic I was talking about how unlucky I am, right? I tend to not create good attitudes within myself. I usually let the moment of emotions take over and get caught up in the wave of negativity. This is such a learning lesson for me but a practice I know I should follow. Creating my own luck – what a novel idea.
The second was an interview with Kerry Cronin about how she teaches students the lost art of dating. Wouldn’t you love to be in her class with this topic? I was so drawn into the article because I do consider myself a little old fashion when it comes to the dating scene, probably because I haven’t been on one in who knows how long. It talks about how dating is about courage but is being seen as about sex, the hook up culture and society scripts. This is so true and probably why I feel so out of the scene. I am so unaware of those dating scripts so I feel less than confident when it comes to trying to partake in it. She even ends with saying career has been the biggest deterrent of the dating scene lately. People have become so caught up in finding their career path that they push relationships to the side. I wish I could meet this woman.
The last article was probably my favorite yet the hardest to implement in my life. It is called “Seek: Go with the Flow”, an article that shows how relaxing, switching gears and adjusting is so darn hard for the majority of us. The idea of bending a little, loosening my grip or letting go honestly freaks the heck out of me. Yet, I know this overwhelming pressure I put on myself daily would be a lot less intense if I practiced these ideas.
So for me, this means being ok with being me. In whatever form it may come out that day.
- Being ok with the fact I ruin my sleep by keeping my phone next to me on my pillow at night.
- Being ok with the fact I have yet to do any sort of strength training since May.
- Being ok with the fact I have both slow and fast runs.
- Being ok with the fact it is still hard for me to look at pictures of myself and don’t even ask about how I rarely look in mirrors.
- Being ok with the fact I probably drink way too much coffee and the only cooking in my apartment has been boiling eggs and roasting vegetables.
- Being ok with the fact my mom is my best friend and understands me more than anyone else.
- Being ok with the fact I am not making money despite spending 10+ hours a day at work.
- Being ok with the fact that reality tv helps me unwind and takes my mind away from the day.
- Being ok with the fact I get homesick, a lot, because adjusting to DC is taking a bit longer than I had hoped.
Today, has been kind of a stressful ‘wash’ for me. We all need a little cleaning sometimes.
Questions: What do you lose sight of under pressure? What is your take on luck?