So I had a whole post. Then I deleted it. Wasn’t feeling it for some reason. The comments on my post yesterday blew me away. I am still soaking up all the insight and advice.
Instead I wrote an honest email to my Mom about life in DC lately. I know we talk almost everyday but I am so not a phone talker. I tend to do better when I write out my feelings. More genuine, better put. It felt good to say the least. I wasn’t looking for a reply back. I am still trying to convince my parents to come this weekend.
I realize for the first time I have no long term goals. For so long I was in that school environment where I was working towards graduation, going to college, graduating from college. Well what now? I have a job, I am attempting to start a new life but again for what? I don’t even have short term goals except get through the work week.
I sat down tonight so unmotivated and frustrated. I am in a job I never thought I would be in and in a city I never thought I would live in. I am not unhappy about this but it shows me that I have no idea where I want to go from here. Uncertainty and no ultimate goal is a scary place for this Type A personality girl. 
So where to start? Setting September intentions. I let myself slack this summer because of transitioning to DC, moving into my own place and ultimately dealing with a lot of change. Well, it is time to hold myself accountable. I want to run faster, I want to train smarter, I want to be more social, I want to eat better, I want to have more adventure…I am still tweaking these so they will come soon with more realistic end points.
Questions: What gets you motivated? What are your goals for the next month?
[I have to leave you with this little gem...The note the maintenance guys left in my apartment after finally replacing my microwave was pretty hilarious to walk into last night. They wrote on the form, 'do you actually live here? My dog takes up more space.' Oh goodness people, you think I would get furniture and actually occupy the place with decorations, food, THINGS.]
I always need to write out my feelings … they just don’t come out right when I simply speak them (I think it’s the Type-A thing of making sure you get all your points out neatly and completely). I also like how you said “September intentions” and not “goals” … I’m going to have to sit down and ponder that too (especially considering how crappy I felt yesterday). I’m SUPER glad that you are choosing to move forward and look ahead. It’s too easy to get caught in frustration and sorrow. Stay strong!!
I am all about the intentions factor. I remember when I went to yoga back home the teacher always spoke about intentions, it just was easier for my brain to wrap around.
haha, i’m literally laughing out loud from what he maintenance man wrote! If you still don’t have much come March.. there are no ifs & buts, we are going shopping!!
I always find that writing down my feelings comes out easier than discussinng them face to face. I’m not sure why that is, I just feel like I can open up more & let it all out.
I love the fact that you are choosing to just smile & move forward. That’s the best thing you can do hunnie. & once you finally accept your new life in an unfamiliar city, you’ll be happy you stayed & toughened it out. D.C. is a beautiful place, so venture out & try new things. You won’t regret it.. I promise
Oh gosh if I am still living this way by March we will have a problem… don’t worry. When you come it will feel like a home. I agree, i think DC can be great for me. I just need to continue to embrace it.
Yes you do darling!
I think that was the hard thing for me. Back in school and college, there was always something I was working toward- finishing the semester, graduating and going to college, graduating college and getting a job, etc. Work is well… you gotta do that until you retire. But, you can still make goals and strive for them. I make a bunch of running goals and goals at work, like just trying to learn new things at my job, trying to finish projects by a certain date, hoping for promotions, etc. There’s no CLEAR finish line like a semester or end of the school year, but you’ll definitely find things to look toward and goals to reach.
Hey at least not having much stuff is good when you go to move! You can tell I just moved haha.
I am in the same boat and I think that is why I really want to set some monthly goals and stick to them!
My goals for the next month is to hopefully get this day job/normal hours position I applied for!
OOh I will cross my fingers for you!
I like to find silly ways to motivate myself. Like telling myself if I get up early and go to the gym then I can have an extra cup of coffee in the morning. Or if I just get this run over with, then I can have an extra snack before dinner or something like that. I also like to promise myself bigger rewards for the bigger goals. Like, lose 10 lbs and you get to buy new workout clothes. Or run a 1/2 marathon and buy a Garmin!
My goals for the next few months are continuing my 1/2 marathon training but also to get faster and improve my 5k time by 1 or 2 minutes!
I love that goal. One of my goals is to definitly PR in my spring half marathon. I think goals like this are good for me, I have never thought about an end mini rewards thing but I like it!
I work so much better if I write my feelings out. When I start to talk about things that bother me I just start to cry and I can’t get the words out, whenever my mom and I would fight I would always write her a letter about why I was upset/mad. My boyfriend and I were having that same conversation last night, we just feel stuck and I dont hate my job but I also don’t love it, but I was saying how I just feel like I go through my routine and wake up and do the same thing everyday, is this what adult life is supposed to be like!?
The letter from the maintenance guys are hilarious, we need to get u some furniture stat! I hope you at least have a bed!
I have been feeling the same way, I mean I wonder if that I can really do the same routine for the next year. It is kind of crazy to think about but something I think about a lot. I am such a letter writer to, always have been. I do have a bed so I think that is why they were confused. But that is all…. oh my life.
haha funny note! You will get into the swing of things, you just need to give yourself some time.
I hope so, it seems like I am still adjusting despite the three month time span.
I feel so lost without goals. That lost and confused feeling I get when I don’t have them makes me so uneasy! Whether it’s to do well in a class or train for a race, I need something! I love that little note at the end… it’s so true. Then I always wonder if people are judging me because I’m making weird faces.
I am the same way, goals do me some good. Really push me to think about what I want. I know people must stare at me because I do that little note thing way too often.
Oh, those maintenance workers/comedians! Ha!
I find writing things out really works for me too. It helps to organize my thoughts, and almost prioritize what I’m feeling. It’s more real that way, I think. For me, anyway. Words on paper are a nice reality check
I know such comedians. They probably got a kick out of it. But hey, I have a working microwave now.
I dont comment here anywhere near enough (damn phone!) but I love your honesty and voice. It’s very refreshing in this blog world.
Goals definitely are needed for me… if i dont have them I feel lost and unsure of what’s next, it’s scary.
So strange, because I read your blog daily and wanted to comment a lot, like a lot about your honesty. Especially your post today, it home for me. I am inspired by how you deal with it though.
What a great post, Alex! I think it is SO NORMAL to feel how you feel at 22 years old. I was 22 six whole years ago, ha, and wow have things changed {for the better} since then. I truly believe and am an advocate that life truly does get better as you get older. You have to go through all of these emotions now to get to where you want to be later. It’s worth it, I promise. I totally agree with writing out your feelings – it’s pretty powerful stuff. I also just read your post from yesterday, and honestly, EVERYONE wants what they don’t or can’t have…it’s just so much more appealling. Especially in relationships
ha. But learning how to be content just takes TIME and soul searching, and just living for TODAY and only today. If that makes sense.
You are so sweet for commenting about this, I love your attitude and outlook on it. I think patience is something I struggle with but need to learn. it will help in the long run for sure.
aww that’s good you emailed your Mom! Hopefully they can come down to visit you. Like I told you, this is completely normal to feel this way
so try not to stress too much, well go through it 
When it comes to goal, I think you should start small… start with 2 weeks.. make a plan, then work up to a month, 2 months, then were you want to see yourself (not only with a job, but as a person) in 6 months or so. That’s what worked for me 
I like that idea, I am always about breaking it down so it seems more reasonable.
I have some of the same goals for this school year! Especially being more social. Not the running though. I am actually trying to transition into nonobsessive exercise… Working on it. I write things down to get motivated. But it is tough. Take my nail biting… Not going so well. My mom and I email too. She works a lot so phone calls are always impossible to work out between our schedules
My goal is to get life in order. There are big changes around the corner so I need to figure it out. I hope your parents come this weekend!
My goal is to start my training and be a good nurse.
To recover and live and be strong enough to help other people,peple who rely on me.
I think you need to find out about what fulfills you. You need to find out what makes you happy; once you do so,the rest will come automatically.
I felt just like you are feeling now until I did my intership at the hospital. It changed my life – for the better. And trust me,I didn’t believe this would be possible anymore after six years of chronic anorexia.
Thanks kat for all those wise words. Your goals are awesome and I know you will achieve greatness.
Awesome post, girlfriend. It took me a few months to adjust to living someplace new, and now i finally feel content about where I am. An adjustment period is totally normal! Especially since it’s the first time out on your own AND a totally new atmosphere.
Those are great goals! Such a great balance of things. You’re powering through like a champ- you’re gonna be A-okay, i know it!
Aw thanks that means a lot. I know I want to keep working on my goals but I think I need to start small.
My goals are to keep up with workouts even with the crazy schedule and also getting to bed early!!!! Which is hard for me
I will send my grandma ways your way, I go to bed early like a champ.
Hey girl,
This was an awesome post! You are in control and can do what you want with your life! Do give yourself a break though..I think 3 months into something still counts as a transition. I feel like I am still in transition from graduation. Re the social thing…I would love to see you! Text me anytime. If you need a homecooked meal or just want to hang let me know!
You are too sweet Melissa! I def need some catch up with you, why does work exist? haha
What a heartfelt post! I think you do have direction – look at your goals! Sometimes I feel like the little goals will help us see a bigger goal to reach if we give it some time!
So true, the little ones always lead us somewhere!
I love the note from the maintence guy! My new landlord asked me when I would be moving my stuff in and I was like “well…first I need stuff” and he was floored I had no furniture. It was quite funny explaining to him that I’m a first time renter who has lived at home since college
Haha, ya I am in the same boat. I was an RA all the years I could be in college meaning I lived in dorm. This is my first real place because I just graduated. aka no furniture to boot!
Awesome post Alex!
I felt the same way when I graduated last year…I’m a huge planner, so being done school and not knowing what was happening next was terrifying to me. Ultimately I decided to go back to school, but a lot of was probably the desire to have a plan (not that I don’t want to go back or I don’t enjoy school, but I always feel much more comfortable when I have a plan in place).
Monthly goals are definitely helpful though! You don’t need to have a massive ten year plan, but I like having an idea of what I want to accomplish each month.
True, I am far from that massive ten year plan (even though I wish I had one) but monthly goals are more realistic for me.
Hang in there girl…tackle little bits at a time…it will get better! Stay positive and strong!
Thank you!
That is such a funny note from the maintenance guys. I have definitely been in your shoes before and what I had to do was go back to the past and remember things I enjoyed- reading, Spanish class, knitting, cooking, crafts, etc. Once I started concentrating on things I enjoyed (hobbies I made time for in the past when I was less busy) I started becoming myself again and then slowly my goals began to become more clear and I felt whole again. Just try and remember who you are deep down and let that show through and that self-awareness will help you on your way.
I think in my new place I have just totally forgot about past hobbies of crafting or even reading. I need to make more of an effort to make this place my home which I want to start doing a lot more of.
I’ve had my house for 5 months and have yet to buy furniture other than a bed and a breakfast table–I feel your not-taking-up-space pain
In other news–Yes for goals! Great way to find some direction/work on settling into a new place. I’ve definitely had some similar “what exactly am I doing?” thoughts lately, and I’m working on coming up with some fall/winter goals of my own. Nothing like looking forward to something to, well, make you look forward to something 
Phew, thought I was the only one. I keep saying I will find something affordable and cheap, I haven’t stumbled on those qualities yet…
I’m an EXTREMELY goal-oriented person, like to the point where the only way I can get anything done is if I have a goal I’m working towards. The cool thing about not being in school anymore is that you can set all sorts of different goals now rather than “finishing this paper” or “getting an A on that exam.” Right now, my primary goal is finishing my first half marathon. I’ve run through all sorts of miserable weather this summer with that goal in mind (and I’m almost there! Terrifyingly close to being there in fact, haha). Running distance goals are awesome for me, but honestly you can set any kind of goal: to run faster, to save $600 so you can buy an awesome recliner so your maintenance men realize you live there, to create your own recipe each week for a year, to read every book on the 100 Greatest Books list, to make something practical and cute from Pinterest for every room of your apartment…anything. They may not be quite the caliber of graduating from college, but they’re still goals, and they still can help you feel fulfilled.
I like all those suggestions. I am such a goal oriented person too. I know you will rock that half marathon, you have a drive like no one I have seen.
Haha I have like no furniture and I’ve been living in my new apartment since January, we don’t have a kitchen table. It’s pretty sad. Also, I think DC will get better. Maybe not now, maybe not tomorrow, but it will. I spent most of my first year at uni hating everything because it was so different to what I knew but it did get better. I think setting goals is a great way to do it
though like you I am an A type personality and can’t live without having goals haha
I know I won’t need much but I do need something to sit on… haha. I am a pretty simple person but not this simple. I like having goals too for that reason.
My goal is just to learn how to control my anxiety, for sure.
Something I need to work on too!
I’m the same way: I’m sooooo much better at writing out what I’m feeling. I’m so bad at expressing myself through speaking! Haha maybe that’s why I like to blog so much?
I am the same way, it is just easier to write what i want to say than actually say it. Blogging is the best for that.
I love that note from the maintenance guys! I just moved into my first apartment two weeks ago and luckily it came furnished because otherwise I’d be in the same boat as you! I have no experience furniture shopping, plus it’s expensive having to fill a whole apartment with stuff!
I kind of wish it came furnished. I am so low maintenance I could live with nothing but it is really no way to live. Just not homey at all.
I am a writer too. I can’t talk about my feelings. I hope you can figure out some goals! Is it weird that competition/people saying I can’t do something motivates me? because it does.
No I totally am the same way, competition just really gets you to push yourself. totally understandable.
Thank you for the honest post. Much like you described, I’m currently in a place in life that I never thought I would be. It’s confusing, frustrating, and scary but in many ways I have no idea how to change it. Just as you, I try and make small goals to reach. I think if we slowly pick out the things that make us happy (running, healthy eating, socializing, etc.) we’ll come closer to figuring out what we want out of life! Good luck pretty lady, I’m sure you’ll figure it all out (I hope I will too!).
Making my way through your posts again.
haha but yeah my goals are to pay off my loans and get a puppy and not spend so much. are those goals? hahaha
Well those sound like great goals to me, I am all about saving money. That is my yearly goal.
yeah … saving money is kinda hard.
Working on it though!