While I am bombarded by all the foodie day in the life eats posts today in the blog world, my mind went elsewhere. I wanted to start out saying, I am the only one like this. Then I realized most of society actually struggles with the same thing. In varying degrees of course. It is wanting what you can’t have or wanting what you don’t have.
The idea of being content is a tough one for me. In all honestly, I can’t name a time I have ever felt content. When I was young the wants were less trivial and less self directed. More on ‘get me the pony’ type want (no I promise I never wanted a pony). When I got older though, the wants began to define my mood, my outlook and my confidence.
You see I see struggle with that wanting what I don’t have. I see others, compare myself, and right there I begin to become frustrated with all the things I don’t have. Physical, tangible, mental, ability.. you name it, I want it. I think self confidence goes hand in hand with this for me. I do not think highly of myself or my abilities, it takes a lot for me to really feel proud of what I put forth. My highly judgmental self struggles to let me win that one battle self contentment.
Since moving to DC , I feel like more than ever my wants have grown. This makes me feel selfish and disappointed. It makes me stressed and second guess all my decisions more than I would like. My ‘dream’, ‘wants’ and ‘desires’ list seems longer than ever both on paper and in my head. Have I become more unhappy? Am I unable to have what I want? Have I lost the ability to actually feel content?
You know those posts that wrap it all up with a nice bow and solutions all around? This is not one of them. I see this, I see my questions and I really can’t answer them. I know I dip and dive emotions but I attribute a lot of that to change and adjusting to the transition. But three months in, can I still consider that transition? What I want to say is that contentment is a tough emotion for me. Yes, I find those little smiles, I find those moments of bliss – but what can erase or at least reduce those wants so that they are not always on my mind? That is the question.
Question: What is your take on feeling content and always needing something?