Physically, yeah, my body has been beaten down by the antibiotics. I was expecting that. What I wasn’t expecting was the continued side effects and constant thirst. Then add on tooth pain. Fun.
Mentally though is where I feel frustration and beaten down. This is where physical and mental go hand in hand. My no sleeping, yes, may have some physical tummy issues but in reality I know a lot is due to the racing mind, my inability to slow those trains of thought as I get into bed.
Let me explain, I am an over everything. I am an over-doer, an overachiever, an over-thinker, and an over-analyzer. Honestly, the list could go on. For hours. Not to mention my perfectionist and type A personality ways. I think they all go hand in hand though.
My overachiever status though has gotten me a lot. I makes me look great in the job world, among business opportunities and in my academics. I always put everything into what I do and dive in making the commitment. I do not accept anything less than my best. You see the drawback though? I judge myself harshly in everything I do, I put a lot of judgment on my action and thoughts.
Leading me to my downfall lately, over-thinking. I seriously hate this. Nothing is an easy decision, nothing is an easy task, everything takes so much mental power to get me through. It is hard to even explain in words, I am even over-thinking this post and really just want to delete it thinking no one will really understand it. (Not even looking at the run on sentences and lack of proper grammar!)
I want to just DO things. I always said the phrase and song that resonated so much for me, the phrase I keep in my pocket every single day – Let go. Why? Because I feel like I can’t. I have the hardest time just letting go and living in the moment. A trip to a store is a production. I am one of those put it in, take it out, put it in, decide against it type person. My decisions are not impulsive but at the same time I make impulsive actions (usually not in my favor). I won’t buy certain things because of what I think I would do, I won’t do certain things because of what I think will happen. Gah, writing this just makes me frustrated!
As you see, a lot of over-thinking leading to a lot of mental games. Leading to a lot of sleepless nights. Leading to one pooped out Alex. I want to say I have a solution but sometimes the ends are not neatly tied. A process, little steps, that is all I have to remember.
Let go. Jump in. Oh, well what you waiting for? It’s all right. CAUSE THERE’S BEAUTY IN THE BREAKDOWN.
Questions: What is your downfall? What causes you to feel exhausted more than normal?