I’m pooped. Mentally and physically. This week I think is an accumulation of the last month.
Physically, yeah, my body has been beaten down by the antibiotics. I was expecting that. What I wasn’t expecting was the continued side effects and constant thirst. Then add on tooth pain. Fun.
Mentally though is where I feel frustration and beaten down. This is where physical and mental go hand in hand. My no sleeping, yes, may have some physical tummy issues but in reality I know a lot is due to the racing mind, my inability to slow those trains of thought as I get into bed.
Let me explain, I am an over everything. I am an over-doer, an overachiever, an over-thinker, and an over-analyzer. Honestly, the list could go on. For hours. Not to mention my perfectionist and type A personality ways. I think they all go hand in hand though.
My overachiever status though has gotten me a lot. I makes me look great in the job world, among business opportunities and in my academics. I always put everything into what I do and dive in making the commitment. I do not accept anything less than my best. You see the drawback though? I judge myself harshly in everything I do, I put a lot of judgment on my action and thoughts.
Leading me to my downfall lately, over-thinking. I seriously hate this. Nothing is an easy decision, nothing is an easy task, everything takes so much mental power to get me through. It is hard to even explain in words, I am even over-thinking this post and really just want to delete it thinking no one will really understand it. (Not even looking at the run on sentences and lack of proper grammar!)
I want to just DO things. I always said the phrase and song that resonated so much for me, the phrase I keep in my pocket every single day – Let go. Why? Because I feel like I can’t. I have the hardest time just letting go and living in the moment. A trip to a store is a production. I am one of those put it in, take it out, put it in, decide against it type person. My decisions are not impulsive but at the same time I make impulsive actions (usually not in my favor). I won’t buy certain things because of what I think I would do, I won’t do certain things because of what I think will happen. Gah, writing this just makes me frustrated!
As you see, a lot of over-thinking leading to a lot of mental games. Leading to a lot of sleepless nights. Leading to one pooped out Alex. I want to say I have a solution but sometimes the ends are not neatly tied. A process, little steps, that is all I have to remember.
Let go. Jump in. Oh, well what you waiting for? It’s all right. CAUSE THERE’S BEAUTY IN THE BREAKDOWN.
Questions: What is your downfall? What causes you to feel exhausted more than normal?
Are we the same human?? “I am an over everything. I am an over-doer, an overachiever, an over-thinker, and an over-analyzer.” <– it's like you described me to a T. It can be mentally and physically exhausting trying to be the best you can be 24/7. It's all about balance– something I need to work on too!
We are the same, i always relate so much to your posts. This is something I just hate about myself, I can’t even decide whether to grocery shop tomorrow or saturday! hate it!
I think we’re the same person. Hang in there<3
We seriously are, thank you lovely!
Dude we are so alike. I cannot make a simple decision for the life of me. Everything is broken down into bits and pieces that are unnecessary. I have bad anxiety as well so that always makes me feel on edge.
ha, that is me! I do the exact same thing. Such a curse.
I am totally an overthinker/overanalyzer too. It always interferes with my sleep as well! Like, if I don’t do something or something is bothering me, I just think about it FOREVER and don’t sleep. I am working on being a bit more impulsive too. It’s hard when you don’t know if you’re making the best decision 100% of the time. But thinking about doing things shouldn’t be your life – doing things should be. That’s what I tell myself, at least.
What a great way to think of it,I think I just need to train myself to think about all of my stress in a different way.
Oh dear, I too know how ruminating and anxiety can impact life, especially sleep! I used to be much MUCH worse than I am now. I wanted to be the best possible person I could be without this feeling of dread always inside of me and without over-analyzing everything so I went to go talk to someone. I went every week for a year and while I didn’t think it helped at the time, I was able to let go and now go weeks without “thinking about thinking” or thinking about how I’m feeling at every moment. It’s like being set free. I used to be so worried about being happy and why wasn’t I happy and how could I be more happy. When I finally stopped doing all of that I realized that I WAS happy. Crazy, huh? I have these a-ha moments every once in awhile where I’m like, woah, I’m happy! That doesn’t mean that I have everything I want and everything is perfect. Far from it…but I’m out of my own head and that is amazing.
Ok, sorry this is a novel…I can just relate so much to you! I still have problems sleeping sometimes so I do weird things. You know that whole counting sheep thing? Well I think there actually IS something to counting. When I’m lying in bed and can’t sleep, sometimes I’ll try to count in my head something mundane, like, the amount of clothing stores in Charlottesville. I find that if it is something that is enjoyable to me (I love to shop!) and I have positive associations to whatever I am counting, I fall asleep before I am done shopping. Another example: counting the different running shoe brands. I know it sounds weird but it works for me (usually). If that fails I literally say to myself over and over “there is absolute no reason to worry about _________ now. There is nothing I can do to change that right now. I will worry about it tomorrow” That usually works! Hope you sleep tonight!!!!
Claire, I so appreciate you writing all of this. Just knowing that people can relate makes me feel less crazy, although I still know my mind won’t let it believe that. I am like you, I enjoy small things like exploring new stores, etc. I am hoping to take this weekend to really hammer down some stress tactics and maybe make me feel more settled. Again, I appreciate all of this.
oh girl..anxiety and stress and sleep deprivation…= why i used melatonin… I don’t anymore but I’ve been there. *hugs … you can only do so much before you realize the stress your putting yourself through is not good and you just gotta let go..do what you can and don’t worry about what you can’t.. easier said than done i know.
I have to get on this melatonin stuff, my cheap self still hasn’t bought it. I know it is a huge factor why I am not sleeping aka starting that cycle all over again.
wow. I must be tired. I thought you said I pooped … haha I am on the same boat of overthinking. :/ sucks esp when you cannot do ANYTHING about it. /:
That would be me really tired if I had written that.
I over think too. My mum always says “worry is unstructured problem solving”! Kinda makes me laugh and feel better about the over thinking- I’m problem solving!
That is awesome and I will so remember that, moms seriously give the best advice.
Oh,Alex,I know where you’re coming from. You know,I always tend to overdo everything,really… I think too much,I care too much,I work too much,I worry too much… I guess you could say I alwas need to go the “extreme” way someho,and you know why? Because everthing else seems so “average” for me and I don’t want to be “only” average. I want to be special,even if it breaks me. And that is the problem.
That is so dead on what you said, I have to agree and I see many of those qualities in myself. It is hard to break and in a way it become so engrained into your personality.
Truly said- Life is a balance of holding on and letting go. Too much of anything really puts you down, let it be food or work- both physical and mental. It’s the mental work that affects the body more. I try to ease out by putting a full stop to my thoughts before going to bed. Meditation also works wonders.
Meditation is so darn hard for me because I can’t quiet my mind, it actually becomes more frustrating. That balance is so tough to find in life.
Emotional times drain me more than anything physically. Take some time for yourself and just try oh try to relax. And then plan a trip to come visit me? I’ll cheer you up!
I feel like you can cheer up a whole room! I am hoping I can find a way to recharge this weekend.
first of all love that song and found that it really helped me when I felt most down on myself. At my weakest moments in college I would listen to it and feel inspired and motivated. It is also a wonderful song to run to, for me anyways. It is seriously hard not to be an over thinker and you are not alone. When you start to over analyze and over think things just try to check yourself, I usually have to say to myself what will I get out of over analyzing this particular situation, will it make me feel better or will it make me feel even crazier then I already have made myself. It is a slow process but I am positive you will get there!
That whole soundtrack does that for me. I am not a music person but that is the one cd I can’t get enough of. That song has gotten me through a lot to say the least. I like how you check yourself and I am def going to use those tips. i will need it today. Thanks as always!
I’m sorry you are tired, mentally & physically. When antibiotics make me feel awful I just try to think about them working inside me to heal me. I usually become exhausted when I take on too many things & don’t take time for myself to just chill each day.
It is a true, I know the antibiotics are no help either. I am glad I am done with them and hopefully the effects will wear off soon. You are a trooper for being on those meds for so long.
that is absolutely one of my favorite songs and has been for years. <3 hope you get some mental & physical rest soon, you deserve it.
I could live off that song. Thank you!
I totally need to learn how to live in the moment more. That’s why I love going to yoga. I feel like it trains your mind to think that way.
I couldn’t agree more, that is something I need to work on badly.
I’m an over-everything too and tend to get too hard on myself when there are just some things I can’t control. Just stay strong and take time for yourself.. go get your nails done, that always cheers me up
ha, I actually hate getting my nails done but I do love to just go exploring stores with fun trinkets, even if I don’t buy anything.
I over achieve with work tasks too, to the point that I beat myself up! It’s a terrible cycle.
EXACTLY, the cycle is so tiring for me!
Breakdowns always help me in the long run. I find that when I let go and breakdown I learn so much about what has been happening in my life. I over achieve too, and have difficulty accepting failure. I have a problem with being afraid to try things I just “know” I will be terrible at. Living in the moment still feels impossible, but my homework is to live in the moment for 20 minutes per day in which I do something “unproductive and unplanned” that does nothing for my resume and is purely for fun. It is still difficult, because I have no idea what I actually like to do. But I am learning. Like I said without being broken down, I would have never sought out help from my friends, family, and therapist this summer. Now, I am finding me again and couldn’t be happier for it!
I think you make a good point, I know that breakdowns and making mistakes are where all my lessons can be made. I am glad you have found a great support system to really push you through those thoughts. I think I need someone close to me to really help me break out of that rigid mindset. It would be easier for sure if someone was there to remind me of what I was missing!
Take a survey of the people in your life. The answer may not be the obvious one. Or each person may have something special to offer. My mom for example is great for listen, but sometimes her advice is not what is good for me. My therapist is where the advice comes in and my dad puts things into a real life perspective not my crazy warped view of everything.
Kind of great idea! I know I lean on my mom a lot, even a little chat with her does the trick.
Letting go is huge! That’s the thing I have to constantly remind myself when I’m struggling!
It is one of the hardest balances to hit for sure.
Feeling so very similar to you right now… of course
Being an overachiever really hinders me as well… not all of the time, but yes, it has bitten me in the butt before and set me back. I am working on changing this though and it will certainly alleviate the stress and anxiety I often feel!
We are very alike in that way, I just have this overachiever side of me which yes does help me get things done but really holds me back from just living.
So with you girl!! I’m so sorry you are exhausted. This weekend, take time for you. Allow things to just let go… take some time to REST.
That four letter word is something I need to learn and work on!
As I was reading this post I kept nodding my head with everything you were saying. I too fall into the category of over-thinker/analazyer and it’s definitely something I’ve been working to change. I find it’s so hard for me to live in the moment and just enjoy things as they happened because I just can’t seem to shut down my thoughts sometimes. I’m going to NYC this weekend with my boyfriend and we are staying with his sisters who are the excate opposite of me (go with the flow – don’t make plans kinda thing) so I am hoping I will be able to just kinda relax and not fret over every little detail that gets out of line.
Sometimes it is good to be around people that are more about going with the flow and living in the moment. it makes me break out a bit. i hope you have a blast.
Totally having one of those OMG YOU GET ME! moments…along with everyone else who’s commented on this post, haha. But yeah, overachieving has been the hallmark of my life…like, forever. I think junior year of college was my high (low?) point: full load of classes, student newspaper, tutoring, on-campus job, off-campus job, Bible study, another student organization…yeah. My life was a madhouse. And overthinking? Don’t even get me started. I’ve spent the past week or so fully convincing myself that one of my best friends from college decided to hate me because he only commented on one of my Facebook statuses. I mean, really? The fact that he’s starting grad school like now and is meeting a bazillion other people probably doesn’t mean he woke up Sunday morning and was like, “Bethany? Psh, forget her. I never want to speak to her again.” Haha. Soo I guess I’m not really offering any advice here, other than letting you know that I totally feel you, and it’s so rough to try to let go of over-fill-in-the-blank-ing habits. (I certainly haven’t!)
Gosh so true! i mean I can def relate to that overachieving status that i took on throughout all my academic years. it so took a toll on me mentally.
I definitely know that feeling, but I think over time it’s gotten easier for me personally to just let go and live in the moment. Sometimes you just have to unplug yourself from the social media, from other people’s opinions, and just listen to what your heart is telling you to do. I think a lot of the overanalyzing things (for me at least) has to do with the desire to please other people so much. You just have to practice on putting yourself out there regardless if people care or are paying attention or not. Chances are if you face your fears and do what you want, people will be inspired by it. If that means facing your fears head on, then so be it. But yeah I think a lot of it has to do with just letting go and following your passions and your heart. And surrounding yourself around people that are encouraging and supportive. Anyways, I am on a rant but just do you, take care of YOU! Rest, have peace, enjoy this transitional time. As the song says…”Just Live Ya Life!” Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!
This is so true, I am a people please and I know that. I never really connected the two until now. I hope I can recharge this weekend.
I am an overthinker/perfectionist as well! As you said, the best things about it are also the worst. I can definitely relate the exhaustion thing. Sometimes I can’t get to sleep at night because my mind is racing with all my thoughts from the day and my worries for the next day. I find it helpful to write things down when I’m feeling that way. The physical act of writing my thoughts out calms me down and releases the thoughts from my mind.
I agree, writing has done wonders for me that I never thought it would. I benefit from it for sure.
I think it’s safe to say after reading everyone elses comment that we’re all very similiar & go through the same problems day in & day out. With neither one of us everr being able to sleep, I’m thinking whenever I come visit in a few months, were going to be up until early in the morning talking about everythingggg in life & will prob know every little detail about each other haha.
Um I freaking love that and now I am just anxiously waiting for your trip to the US