I didn’t sleep too great last night. Grumpy pants status today for sure. I do have the amazing ability though to slap a smile on my face. Actually, I haven’t slept too great all week. I feel like when I go to lie down my brain decides “hey, let’s think about everything and anything over and over and over…” I have to say I am truly baffled by this. I know I am a light sleeper but never have I struggled so much with staying asleep. Waking up over 5x a night and only getting about six hours of broken sleep just feels rough. Needless to say, I am frustrated. So today, you have to put up with my randomness. I feel like I have just been loading these on lately. It’s how I am rolling this Friday.
- I have realized a lot of my stress is money related. How and when I should and shouldn’t spend my money, what I want, what I need. This is so taxing. I am one of those people that are almost TOO frugal. I never carry cash on me so the temptation to spend money is not there. Lately though, I am feeling like I am denying myself some enjoyment. I know this sounds petty and stupid but I have always been proud of my ability to save money, never spending it, always relying on myself and not my parents. But right now this is not making me happy. I want to be able to feel like I can buy what I am craving, clothes for work, probiotics for my stomach, random snacks. Instead, I seriously have a panic attack just thinking about spending money. What is wrong with me? As you can tell, this is a huge point of frustration for me right now that I am trying to unpile.
- One of my favorite things in the world is getting emails from readers or other bloggers. I am kind of pumped because I had a reader email me yesterday and we are getting coffee this weekend. Friends in DC! I never thought I would be making friends through blogging – what an amazing bonus.
- Today is national watermelon day. Need I say more? I want it now.
- My stomach has decided to reject me today. I am in so much pain and couldn’t even get coffee or food down after my run. I think stress, anxiety, lack of sleep = one unhappy tummy.
5. Colleen did a post on shortcuts this morning that I just soaked up. I wrote in her comment that I lived by shortcuts in my ED. I lived five years of my life thinking I was doing ‘recovery’ when really I was taking shortcuts to everything. It wasn’t until last year I realized how shortcuts were what was holding me back, what was getting me no where. I loved reading this because even now in recovery and a year out I get the opportunity to take those shortcuts. I refuse to, I refuse to go back to ducking behind a wall.
6. Speaking of shortcuts, I need to strength train. I keep telling myself, I will start now or I need a plan. Well friends, I have done jack to move towards that goal. I don’t even know where to begin! It is so hard because I love running, it takes not a lot of motivation for me to do it. Strength training is the opposite. Anyone have any beginner plans I can start doing? I need to build my strength badly…. So sick of chicken arms. haha.
7. At work, no one takes a lunch break. We all work through it just because we always have so much to do. Since the first day I have been here, I kept seeing the three girls in my office go on a 30-45 minute walk around noon each day. Well, two of those girls left leaving me and one other. Yesterday she asked me if I wanted to walk. It was so awesome to get out of the office for a period of time and stroll around the neighborhood. Yay for co worker healthy priorities.
8. This weekend I have no plans. I just feel like exploring again on foot. I am beyond exhausted and just want to wander the city. It is that awkward point where I know I go home next Thursday night so my mind is already there while my body is forced to be here. So ready to go home. My list of things I want/need to do keeps growing.
Not too interesting I have to say. It keeps hitting me that I won’t be going back to school, that what I am doing now is my life for the next year. Crazy.
Questions: What is something that frustrates you currently? How do you deal with lots of anxiety? Any weekend plans?