Trade em Up Tuesday

I had a really bad night, another really bad night. I hate coming off of those nights because I feel miserable and it is hard to start over.

Whoa there, Tuesday already. I feel like I have so much to do before Sunday and so little time. I mean I am not complaining, I kind of really need a work week to blow by for my sanity. I do love to be busy… oh silly Alex.

I would trade… the longest, fastest, craziest Monday for a slower chug into the work week. After our staff meeting and getting my responsibilities for the week as well as expectations for the next two months, I felt overwhelmed. I worked straight from 10-5 on my computer crunching away with work. Then we had students come from 5-7 to be introduced to the program. That means my day went from 445 am (explain that next) to 8 pm arriving back at the apartment. Gah!

I would trade… the inability to sleep after my roommate had to wake up to drop her fiance off for at least being able to sleep till my usual 530 am. I think what makes it worse is if number one I already slept crappy (unfortunately a recent nightly occurence) and number two getting frustrated that you can’t sleep. Worst feeling ever.

I would trade… having to work Thursday for actually being able to take my day off. Because I have to conduct interviews of mentors, I will be the only one in the office that day. Womp.

I would trade… package delivery stalls for all my goodies to arrive. I have been patiently (ya right) waiting for the things that companies have sent me to arrive. No go. The storm totally messed everything up and I have received zero.

I would trade… my frustration with eating to feeling normal cues. Lately, I am either starving or unsatisfied or over stuffed. I hate it. I haven’t even had something that I would say, man I really liked that. Plus, because I live for Cali this Sunday I am not letting myself go to the store again till then so I am reluctantly just eating to empty the fridge. Blah.

I would trade… my antzy feeling to move out AS SOON AS POSSIBLE to at least feeling confident in being able to move out. Right now, I still have zero leads. I am about to punch someone. I really can’t stand it and I want to have my own place now. With all the stress I have been going through, my own space is so necessary. I broke down a lot this weekend over it, I really am in shambles.

I would trade… spending the holiday away from family for the old traditional days of watching the parade and hitting the beach. HOMESICKNESS is hitting so hard around this time of year.

I would trade… my self doubts about self care during the business trip to California for some confidence that I will be ok. I suck at trips like this, especially with a bunch of people I have never met. I tend to retreat to old ways, something I hate doing. I know this is an active part about recovery, something I need to address, but it is freaking hard when I am alone like this. Whoa breathe Alex, breathe.

I would trade… stomach grossness causing negative thoughts, actions and mood to a happy tummy. Sick of hearing about this yet? I mean who wouldn’t? I think a big part of this is that my roommate uses all my pans, utensils etc and eats gluten everything. I never had a kitchen nor had to share one so contamination was something I never had to worry about. The other part is, my diet that used to have a lot more fruit barely has any. I have been buying more vegetables for price and fruit (even in small amounts) helped my digestive system loads.

I would trade...work pay getting messed up for GETTING PAID. I am actually really upset about this. I have been working for three weeks but won’t get paid until another two weeks. I have two rents bills to pay! I am so upset but I mean complaining does nothing. Got to be frugal for this time. If I had an unlimited budget you would see me a. buy large amounts of summer fruits (yummy), b. eat a lot more Artic Zero (still haven’t had one yet!), c. buy a lot more iced coffee (I have only bought it twice since DC), d. join a gym so I can take classes with people, e. not fear that my 10 classes of Bikram would come to an end, and f. go to HLS (well duh). Oh the dreamer I am.

I would trade… being beyond behind on all television to finally feeling connected again. I never get to watch tv because I am really never in my apartment alone. I miss it a lot. Need my own place ASAP, get my drift?

So that whole positivity kick is kind of going down the drain. I don’t know what is up, but I know when things seem out of line – I get that black or white thinking about everything. Here’s for an attitude telling me to keep trucking through.

Hope you all have a wonderful Tuesday!

Questions: What would you trade this Tuesday? What makes you feel better on those rough days? What are you nervous for this week? 

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