I had a really bad night, another really bad night. I hate coming off of those nights because I feel miserable and it is hard to start over.
Whoa there, Tuesday already. I feel like I have so much to do before Sunday and so little time. I mean I am not complaining, I kind of really need a work week to blow by for my sanity. I do love to be busy… oh silly Alex.
I would trade… the longest, fastest, craziest Monday for a slower chug into the work week. After our staff meeting and getting my responsibilities for the week as well as expectations for the next two months, I felt overwhelmed. I worked straight from 10-5 on my computer crunching away with work. Then we had students come from 5-7 to be introduced to the program. That means my day went from 445 am (explain that next) to 8 pm arriving back at the apartment. Gah!
I would trade… the inability to sleep after my roommate had to wake up to drop her fiance off for at least being able to sleep till my usual 530 am. I think what makes it worse is if number one I already slept crappy (unfortunately a recent nightly occurence) and number two getting frustrated that you can’t sleep. Worst feeling ever.
I would trade… having to work Thursday for actually being able to take my day off. Because I have to conduct interviews of mentors, I will be the only one in the office that day. Womp.
I would trade… package delivery stalls for all my goodies to arrive. I have been patiently (ya right) waiting for the things that companies have sent me to arrive. No go. The storm totally messed everything up and I have received zero.
I would trade… my frustration with eating to feeling normal cues. Lately, I am either starving or unsatisfied or over stuffed. I hate it. I haven’t even had something that I would say, man I really liked that. Plus, because I live for Cali this Sunday I am not letting myself go to the store again till then so I am reluctantly just eating to empty the fridge. Blah.
I would trade… my antzy feeling to move out AS SOON AS POSSIBLE to at least feeling confident in being able to move out. Right now, I still have zero leads. I am about to punch someone. I really can’t stand it and I want to have my own place now. With all the stress I have been going through, my own space is so necessary. I broke down a lot this weekend over it, I really am in shambles.
I would trade… my self doubts about self care during the business trip to California for some confidence that I will be ok. I suck at trips like this, especially with a bunch of people I have never met. I tend to retreat to old ways, something I hate doing. I know this is an active part about recovery, something I need to address, but it is freaking hard when I am alone like this. Whoa breathe Alex, breathe.
I would trade… stomach grossness causing negative thoughts, actions and mood to a happy tummy. Sick of hearing about this yet? I mean who wouldn’t? I think a big part of this is that my roommate uses all my pans, utensils etc and eats gluten everything. I never had a kitchen nor had to share one so contamination was something I never had to worry about. The other part is, my diet that used to have a lot more fruit barely has any. I have been buying more vegetables for price and fruit (even in small amounts) helped my digestive system loads.
I would trade...work pay getting messed up for GETTING PAID. I am actually really upset about this. I have been working for three weeks but won’t get paid until another two weeks. I have two rents bills to pay! I am so upset but I mean complaining does nothing. Got to be frugal for this time. If I had an unlimited budget you would see me a. buy large amounts of summer fruits (yummy), b. eat a lot more Artic Zero (still haven’t had one yet!), c. buy a lot more iced coffee (I have only bought it twice since DC), d. join a gym so I can take classes with people, e. not fear that my 10 classes of Bikram would come to an end, and f. go to HLS (well duh). Oh the dreamer I am.
I would trade… being beyond behind on all television to finally feeling connected again. I never get to watch tv because I am really never in my apartment alone. I miss it a lot. Need my own place ASAP, get my drift?
So that whole positivity kick is kind of going down the drain. I don’t know what is up, but I know when things seem out of line – I get that black or white thinking about everything. Here’s for an attitude telling me to keep trucking through.
Hope you all have a wonderful Tuesday!
Questions: What would you trade this Tuesday? What makes you feel better on those rough days? What are you nervous for this week?