Truth. I need this post right now. I realized after nearly breaking down in the grocery store, my emotions are a little out of whack.
Truth. The apartment interview went well. I mean there were lots of people looking at the place so we have to see what they decide.
Truth. The place is kind of nasty. I was immediately turned on by the beautiful neighborhood, I mean it is one of the Georgetown row houses. But then the smell inside and the unkept house made me cringe.
Truth. I worry the little bit of love I could add would make no difference. The furniture is from the 1950s, stains and all. The appliances barely work and the oven is pretty much ancient. Could sprucing up actually fix this place? I worry.
Truth. I would be walking about 20 minutes to get to the nearest metro and then metro to my work. I mean not bad but a lot of walking. A lot.
Truth. I am so torn.
Truth. My worst idea yet came when I knew I needed to grocery shop. I was overwhelmed to say the least. Even though I saved a lot of money by going to a local produce place (no seriously I saved SO MUCH MONEY, everything was way cheaper and better quality – note to self always shop there), I was still overwhelmed. I was ambivalent, indecisive and I am pretty sure a lot of that was emotion not meant for the food but for the other aspects of my ‘anxiety’ that I am dealing with right now.
Truth. I wanted so desperately to turn around and walk out. But I didn’t. Instead I lugged the groceries back the 1.5 miles almost cringing in pain. The most lifting I have done since… well the last grocery trip.
Truth. Today has been a tough day and I am still trying to come off of it.
Truth. I wrote this whole post in one long brain stream that took five minutes.
Needed to write. Badly. 
Questions: What is your truth today? What helps you come down that roller coaster of emotion?
Oh Alex! I’m sorry that you had such a tough day =(. But I’m glad you have this blog to let out some of your pent up emotions. Whenever life brings me down, talking to my sister is the best therapy! And of course, a piece of dark chocolate or ice cream on the side doesn’t hurt either =). Hope you feel better soon, Alex!
thank you so much, I have to remember it all will pass.
Hi Alex! It sounds like the apartment is really not a good fit. If you are anything like me, your living arrangement could truly determine your mood on a daily basis and your level of happiness. Be patient and the right apartment/house will come your way. Just give it to God and don’t let it create unshakeable anxiety in your life. I’ll be praying for your peace of mind. So glad you could let it out on your blog…that’s a huge reason for blogging! I hope you feel better. Just like all other storms, this too shall pass.
oh man Kristin, those words I so needed. I know that god will provide but my impatience gets in the way. That is the worst. this comment seriously made my night.
I totally agree with everything Kristin said Alex! I will be keeping you in my prayers too.
I can relate to dealing with anxiety, I know what an emotional whirlwind it can put you in. Best of luck!
so sweet of you Sarah, I just know I need to be patient which is hard for me.
My truth: I want so badly to just drop everything and run off to live somewhere in Europe!
I use the gym to keep my emotions in check usually.
Ya, I try and use the outside to get my fresh air and self more grounded. Man a European extravaganza would be great.
Blogging always centres me. Good job for sitting down and calming yourself down. I really want to hug you right now! In the meantime turn on some chill music and try to relax? <3
Aw, so sweet. I would love a hug in that moment.
I’m glad you could fet your feelings out by blogging!
Blogging at its finest for sure.
Blogging always makes me feel better.
As does taking a nice leisurely stroll outside. But it sounds like you’ve done enough walking. :/
TRUTH, haha but sometimes I just get outside and sit on a bench, fresh air is such a soothing feeling.
ughh I’m sorry the apartment didn’t turn out to be a good one! Maybe it’s for the best though – two other roomies AND its old AND smells….too much going against it. And I don’t think you’d be acting elitist or selfish in the slightest to turn that down! And ughh grocery shopping…I know EXACTLY that feeling, happened to me many many times in college when I had to take the bus to the grocery store and then walk 2 miles back to my dorm from the bus stop, and I was already stressed about other stuff and getting antsy about getting back to studying, and the bags were sooo heavy….ughhh. Usually when I’m antsy like that, things like calling my mom, going for a walk, or taking a hot shower help!
I try and get on the phone and talk as well. That is the best soother for me when I just feel overwhelmed by what I got. Ya, I think I just need to really weigh my pros and cons with this apartment, my pull back makes me nervous.
Finding a place to live is so stressful, more so then you realize. It is hard being in a city without your family and sharing with room mates. I always struggled with this when I was single. Acknowledge your anxiety (which obviously you are doing). Sit back and do something for yourself. Give yourself a time out even if only for 10 minutes. Exercise and getting outside always helps me. Also catching up with friends. But I tend to churn things over in my head way too much and think what if too much. Good on you for blogging about it! It will all workout just hard while you are going through it. Sorry that was a bit rambly and advicey. I can just totally relate to what you are saying.
Gah I love ramble comments like that because I read every single word and know exactly where you are coming from. I think just knowing that what I am feeling is not just me, makes me feel better. Seriously, i love all your suggestions and will be taking them to heart.
Truth — so not ready for this week to start after all the birthday and anniversary!! And not sure I’m ready to move next month myself, even though it’s going to be awesome… hope tomorrow is wonderful for you!
Moving is so tough, it is just a whole new routine to get used to.
I love doing these types of confessional posts. Sometimes you just need to get it all out! It really brings out your support network and lets you know that you’re not alone
sorry you had a hard day! I wouldn’t recommend choosing this apartment to live in because it sounds like it’s already off to a bad start. to help with a bad day, I try to do things just for me. I watch a favorite comedy, paint my toes, read a good book. something relaxing that I normally don’t make time for. hope you find something that works for you to help you lift your spirits!
I just got a book so I hope that does the trick. I am in need!
bleugh. do not pick that apartment. especially if the conditions are already horrible and smells. you don’t want to live through that. an apartment you pick should be one that you’re comfortable with off the bat because where you live determines your happiness. would you want to wake up in that? or better yet, after a long day, would you want to come home to that? be somewhere that makes you happy and carefree! you will find some place soon. don’t rush it!
That is what I keep thinking about, I am all about comfort and coming home after a long day to a place I don’t enjoy may just not be worth it.
Bless your heart! I really don’t like days like that at all. Sometimes the only thing that I can do is stop and take a deep breath aaaand say a little prayer
. Getting thru a tough day reminds me of how much stronger I really am.
Wow such a good way to look at it. I just need to trust in the process.