I get frustrated with myself, frustrated when I feel like I don’t do something right, don’t do enough or even when I am getting frustrated with myself. Frustrating!
I know I am hard on myself, I am very hard on myself. More than anyone should be. I am a perfectionist in nature. I hate when I do something when right after I do it I beat myself up over it. Why did I eat that? Now I feel terrible. Why did I do that behavior? Now I feel worse. Why did I make that choice? I knew better. It is a constant battle in my head.
Yes, this battle is a lot less quiet but I would be lying if this conversation does not pass through my head more than once a day. Luckily, I don’t behave on the negative thoughts I have but what bothers me more is that the thought lingers. The negative talk lingers. I know I have come far in this so I think that is why I get even more frustrated when I get those pangs of guilt, anxiety and frustration.
I guess you can assume I am in a mental beating myself up battle right now. Gr.
On another note, I saw this over at Fitting it All In, thought I would give it a go. If it says anything, my homepage is Google Reader.
My web browser bookmarked tabs consist of the following…
1. LiveFit: I actually forgot I had this tab, I have really wanted to build upper body strength so wanted to start doing just the lifting portion of this plan. Sadly, lack of time and lack of motivation have left that tab untouched.
2. DC: Ha, this tab is packed and jumbled with saved searches for DC apartments. Every time I find one that is decent, I put it in the folder so I can go back and contact the people. See, so proactive YET NO BITES.
3. CPS: This is more of a sad tab because it is the site where I must do the mandated reporting for the organization I started. The organization is a mentoring program between kids in the community and college students. As president, students must come to me if they see or hear of signs of abuse. Reporting is mandated.
4. JSTOR and PsycInfo (Research Databases): Oh I won’t miss the college days of constant researching and paper writing. Can’t wait to move this one to the trash…
5. Bonner: As a Bonner Leader, I have to manually enter the community service I do daily at this national site so they can track my hours.
6. Sakai: Another one I can’t wait to be moved to the trash. It is where professors here put information about the class and class resources.
7. Facebook: Well duh. I don’t use it much, barely update anything, but just for the creeper in me I keep it.
8. WLU: My school’s site, got to have that one.
Questions: What do you do to shake that negative voice? Anyone else feel like they are their own worst critic? Any tabs out there you are completely embarrassed by?