I get frustrated with myself, frustrated when I feel like I don’t do something right, don’t do enough or even when I am getting frustrated with myself. Frustrating!
I know I am hard on myself, I am very hard on myself. More than anyone should be. I am a perfectionist in nature. I hate when I do something when right after I do it I beat myself up over it. Why did I eat that? Now I feel terrible. Why did I do that behavior? Now I feel worse. Why did I make that choice? I knew better. It is a constant battle in my head.
Yes, this battle is a lot less quiet but I would be lying if this conversation does not pass through my head more than once a day. Luckily, I don’t behave on the negative thoughts I have but what bothers me more is that the thought lingers. The negative talk lingers. I know I have come far in this so I think that is why I get even more frustrated when I get those pangs of guilt, anxiety and frustration.
I guess you can assume I am in a mental beating myself up battle right now. Gr.
On another note, I saw this over at Fitting it All In, thought I would give it a go. If it says anything, my homepage is Google Reader.
My web browser bookmarked tabs consist of the following…
1. LiveFit: I actually forgot I had this tab, I have really wanted to build upper body strength so wanted to start doing just the lifting portion of this plan. Sadly, lack of time and lack of motivation have left that tab untouched.
2. DC: Ha, this tab is packed and jumbled with saved searches for DC apartments. Every time I find one that is decent, I put it in the folder so I can go back and contact the people. See, so proactive YET NO BITES.
3. CPS: This is more of a sad tab because it is the site where I must do the mandated reporting for the organization I started. The organization is a mentoring program between kids in the community and college students. As president, students must come to me if they see or hear of signs of abuse. Reporting is mandated.
4. JSTOR and PsycInfo (Research Databases): Oh I won’t miss the college days of constant researching and paper writing. Can’t wait to move this one to the trash…
5. Bonner: As a Bonner Leader, I have to manually enter the community service I do daily at this national site so they can track my hours.
6. Sakai: Another one I can’t wait to be moved to the trash. It is where professors here put information about the class and class resources.
7. Facebook: Well duh. I don’t use it much, barely update anything, but just for the creeper in me I keep it.
8. WLU: My school’s site, got to have that one.
Questions: What do you do to shake that negative voice? Anyone else feel like they are their own worst critic? Any tabs out there you are completely embarrassed by?
Oy, that negative voice can be so flippin annoying. I’m a perfectionist too. Usually I try to keep those thoughts at bay by making a list of accomplishment I’ve made. So while that voice says “why did you do that?!” I combat it with a pat on the back
Hope you can get out of the mental funk soon!
I am such a list maker as well, I feel it just helps me wind down my thoughts. Thanks!
I’m totally the same way with being too hard on myself. In the words of Pink “I’m my own worst enemy”. I really liked that song when I was growing up, but it’s not until I got older that I realized how true it is. To shake that negative voice, I have tell my self something positive EVEN if I rebut it with another negative comment. At least I can tell myself I tried to be positive, and sometimes the negative side even decides to listen to the positive side.
I like that, telling myself something positive even if the moment it may not feel true. Great advice.
Oh I have that voice too and it sucks. These days though, I find myself having self-therapy sessions until I can calm down. For example, one of my neighbors BLARES his music when he gets home and he lives above me and over an apartment. When writing my thesis, it was really hard to concentrate when I could hear the music and feel the vibration even with earplugs in. However, when I called courtesy patrol to get them to talk to him about maybe playing it quieter, they went to the apartment right above me where a really nice woman lives and she and I have talked while I take my dog outside to potty. Tonight I saw her for the first time in weeks and she said, “Let me know if I’m ever playing my music too loud. I wonder about that since the floors are really thin.” I felt SO bad and the voice in my head was telling me I was the most awful person in the world but then I tried to reframe the whole thing. My asking courtesy patrol to have the music turned down (and I said that I didn’t think it was right above me) was in no way a comment on her as a person and I wasn’t attacking her nor was she attacking me, and I have a right to ask for what I need, even if I won’t always get it. Sorry for that extremely long example, but it happened about 30 minutes ago so it’s still in my head. I’ve found the more I talk down the perfectionist, the quieter she gets. No one is perfect. Glad I met you through CR
Oh man, I would have reacted the same way. I hate those moments but you reframed it so well. Thanks for reading, I am glad you came over!
I’m the same way. I beat myself up for every little thing. It’s really hard to overcome but I just keep trying every day. your ideas are GREAT! I think you’re definitely on the right track.
Thanks! I feel like there are a lot of people out there that can relate.
I actually wrote a similar post. I am also my own worst critic. I was able to realize I was being a little too tough on myself when I took a seminar on energy management. The seminar had you fill out a questionnaire (about how you view yourself) and then you were supposed to have family and close friends answer the same questions. Their answers were very different from mine I was so surprised!
That is awesome, I have never done something like that but I bet the results would be similar.
I know I am for sure my worst enemy, but you also have to realize that you can be your greatest advocate too. I know that recently I’ve been stressing about college and the future and having perfect grades and an ideal SAT score. I’m trying to tell myself to stay present minded but it can be hard!
Such great advice, I never really looked at that way but I love the idea of being our greatest advocate as well.
I agree, we are so often our own worst critic and so hard on ourselves! I always find myself telling my family or loved ones that they need to be easier on themselves and then I realize that I need to take my own advice
I agree, I know none of us would ever be this hard on anyone else but when it comes to ourselves we feel no mercy.
I know exactly how you feel,Alex: I always want to do the right things,make the right decisions; basically score 100% everywhere, In the end,though,we have to realize this is NOT possible. No one can be perfect and we cannot always make the best decisions because we can’t foresee what will happen in the future.
But you know what? It might sound (and be) super hard,but we have to ACCEPT this. Seriously,how shall we be happy if we constantly blame ourselves every tiny “mistake” we’ve made (in our eyes)?
If we want to be happy,free; if we want to BEAT that negative inner voice of ours,we have to accept we’re not perfect and we never will.
Such a great comment, I agree 100% and have never really framed it for myself. I agree, we need to see perfection as something that is not needed to strive for, more about striving to get to our best.
Thoughts –> feelings –> behaviour.
My life coach has me write this down sometimes. It helps me remember that when I hear that mean voice and I feel bad, it’s no wonder I do things that are not great for myself. BUT it also gives me the chance to choose a different thought (i.e. instead of saying: I wish I didn’t binge, I can see that if I want to eat normally, my feelings need to be good and confident about my ability to and that my thoughts should be “you deserve to fuel yourself” or maybe “you are healthy” and “your body weight will take care of itself). That was kind of a random example but it works for other things too!
I’m rambling but she also read me this Cherokee legend:
One evening, an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two ‘wolves’ inside us all. One is Evil – It is anger, envy, jealousy, greed, and arrogance. The other is Good – It is peace, love, hope, humility, compassion, and faith. ” The grandson thought about this for a while and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?” To which the old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
FEED THE VOICE THAT IS FULL OF LOVE!
That is so beautiful and what great advice. Thank you so much for sharing this. i love hearing how people handle that negative voice because sometimes you just need that outside perspective. “Feed the voice that is full of love” – AMAZING!